Spending. Treating yourself, better late than never

I'm quite careful to my spending - apart from my hair, facials, home temperature, and vacations.

DH business for 55 years, we're on to fully retire at 77 years old.

School for our 12 GC and GGC is my priority - and will remain that until they are all finished at uni.

My husband died 7 weeks ago and I feel so guilty for everytime he wanted something or go somewhere and I said we can’t afford it. I know I shouldn’t as when he retired 7 years ago he bought himself his first brand new car, always had second hand ones. We had a few holidays to dream destinations but that stopped because of Covid but were hopping for more. And if he really wanted something he would buy it.
At the moment I seem to be giving the children money for holidays and things they need rather than anything for me.

Celtic & Co not Celric.

This thread should carry a health warning!
On the back of reading what others have bought, I have just spent the last hour checking out the knits on Celric & Co (am VERY tempted to buy one of their jumpers)
I have also been looking at Omega watches and Electric Bikes

Seriously, great topic!

My husband was always careful what I spent MY money on …..he on other hand spent freely of both our disposable incomes, on what he needed….. mine was always a ‘want’ apparently. After 50 years of marriage and the last 26 spent as nurse/carer/full-time earner/gardener/housekeeper/ chief cook -and-bottle washer….. he’s had to go into a care home …after my second stroke last year! He has finially been diagnosed with vascular dementia AND Alzheimer’s Disease! I’m now free from the money control….or so I though …..but,
am paying so much for his stay there, that I’ll be lucky to eat 7 days a week. But I would not give up that feeling of freedom for even my favourite window shopping ….lovely winter boots!

Well done Charleygirl - but I do recommend Bookbub if you have a Kindle as so often their books (via Amazon) are much reduced in price and often free!

Good thread. Lovely to hear there’s quite a lot of you like me. I have real difficulty spending on myself it always seems wrong somehow, although I do treat my DC and DGC to days out and clothes, that never bothers me.
My mum is just the same, very generous with us but very careful with herself, even though she’s 91 she won’t buy herself prawns because there far too expensive. So of course I buy them for her.

Forgotten one thing - a good massage. A full 1h30 mins- about every 2 months, with essential oils. Absolute bliss and such a 'restorer'.

As said before have gone through hard times with money short when the family were younger. Now we are old ( I am 81 and dh is 83) and I have been indulging myself over recent years buying iPads and iPhones and a lap top. Also painting equipment of all kinds (canvasses, oils, acrylics, watercolours etc)Then my all time love -lots of books. I have some on my iPad but I don’t care to use a screen at night as I have a severe sleep problem. But I so loved giving my two grand children money towards their home buying.

Like OP it was after DH died that I began to spend on myself more freely. Not that he ever had any problem with me spending my own or his money and positively encouraged it! I’m a bit of an impulse spender initially feeling guilt which soon progresses to ‘why not/no pockets in a shroud’! Naturally, the family are well taken care of first and I often help out. I don’t do make up or handbags but enjoy occasional spa treatments, meals out with friends & family and useless unnecessary stuff which takes my fancy. Latest to appear from nowhere is a sheepskin stool, a metal Robin on a fork’andle which now resides in the planter where dh’s ashes are buried and a rather nifty duvet cover set in blue & white. I could well live without them all but they give me pleasure!

I also like Spike! Spike is an ideal pet because you dont have to feed him, clean him or take him for walks. I love real tortoises in particular and reptiles in general. I would love to keep tortoises again (had them as a kid) but as I would not outlive them I would worry about their being rehomed. Not evryone likes reptiles.

I treat myself to a new bag/new dress/nice chocolate etc quite regularly- I feel a little twinge of guilt but it soon passes. I look after things really well and sometimes have to force myself not to keep them ‘for best’. I blame all this on my poverty stricken upbringing that I’m rebelling against ?

This lovely thread is certainly food for thought. Like some of you I find it a bit difficult to treat myself.
My son in the UK is single with a mortgage and because he's living a bit "hand- to - mouth" owing to a big gas bill and another from his dentist I very happily gave him money for both today.
I get enormous pleasure by having a dog and her food, grooming, vet bills add up. My other joy is watercolour painting and I buy good quality paper and paints which always feels an extravagance!

Barmeyoldbat, ‘frugals’ for the guests would probably have been an excellent idea, but unfortunately I’ve already stocked up with nice eats, and am even going to make a cake in the morning - eggs and Stork for cakes already out so as to be at room temp.
However I was telling an old friend of a dd this pm about my guests, and she advised plenty of G&T and getting shitfaced! So I might just do that instead! ?

SkyBird

I gave both of my DC deposits to buy a house. They both had the means to pay a mortgage just not the deposit. It was one of the best things that I have ever done. They were able to get on the property ladder at a really young age.

I did exactly the same about 20 years ago when my father died and I had an inheritance….

When I recieved my first full months pension late last year(having waited the extra 6 yrs) !

I went for a trip to the Range (home and leisure place).

They had a sale on the garden furniture.

I bought one dd a lovely patio set with chairs and plump cushions, it came with a smoked glass table with a lazy Susan attached. was down from over £400 to £175.

The other dd I gave the equivelent of money.

So now I treat myself

I am enjoying this thread.
My H and I both came from very poor and dysfunctional families, both born before the Second World War.
We worked so hard and both achieved professional qualifications, my H far advanced than me.
We have never had a penny left to us and now that I am widowed I find it hard to spend over necessities.
There is not a lot but enough for me to indulge if I wish.
Meals out and helping family is as far as I go.

Travelsafar look upon buying a cashmere jumper as an investment to keeping warm

I long for a beautiful cashmere jumper or cardigan but something holds me back. I can afford one but years of not spending money on myself unless really necessary is ingrained into my brain.

Witzend that did make me laugh, maybe going on a frugal while they are staying and making it really bad they might not come again

karmalady, we kept wrapping paper and ironed it, too. Part of the excitement of Christmas was getting the box of paper out - it had a particular smell that was very Christmassy.

As for frugal, when my mother was more hard up than usual, she’d say ‘I’m going on frugals’ which often mean that we had more than usual of her signature ‘dustbin’ soup, which BTW was always very good - I have my own signature version now.

And although we’re not struggling, it’s been a very expensive summer one way and another, so I told dh the other day that after this weekend (relatives from abroad* coming to stay) that we’re going on frugals.
*TBH I don’t know them well at all, and for various very valid reasons don’t really want them, but when people blithely more or less invite themselves, it’s a bit beyond me to tell them to sod off.

Witzend

Thank you for kind comments about Spike - some people have certainly thought he’s hideous and I must have been mad! Whenever we go away dh brings him into the kitchen, in case anybody nicks him, but somehow I doubt it - apart from anything else he weighs a ton.

I like Spike.
Everyone should have one ?

Clarins face cream. I know people recommend Aldi facecream etc but Clarins suits me and as long as I can afford it, I'll continue to buy it.

Books are essential, not a luxury.

Happy birthday Jaylou, just buy something you will enjoy, a good book, a picture but something just for you

Thank you crazyH. No idea yet, I'm not good at buying something I want not something I need.

Happy Birthday Jaylou
Let us know how you treated yourself - I’m very nosey ?