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What’s tying you down?

(56 Posts)
Sago Fri 23-Sep-22 08:21:09

We are currently away at our holiday let as we had a cancellation, we are home later today for the weekend and then returning.

We can return on Monday because for the first time in our adult lives we have no ties!
No parents, children, dogs or employers to consider.
We are self employed, our little dog departed in February and we have both lost our parents.
I have given up my voluntary work, we are totally free to do what we wish when we wish.
I feel very lucky but at the same time it’s a little unnerving.

What’s tying you down if anything?

aonk Sat 24-Sep-22 16:16:42

In many ways this is a sad thread. My AC are grown up and all have school age children. My parents died many years ago. I welcome the ties I do have at this point in my life. We can go on holiday quite often but I prefer not to be away for longer than 2 weeks as J miss h to r family so much even though we don’t “ live in each other’s pockets.” Pre covid I did 3/4 days of childcare every week and I couldn’t have been happier. I guess I’m lucky to have the best of both worlds.

nadateturbe Sat 24-Sep-22 12:31:29

Kate1948 ?

Happysexagenarian Sat 24-Sep-22 11:26:05

I wouldn't say that I feel 'tied down' but health issues make travelling (even short distances) difficult for me, so I have become a stop-at-home. I'm quite content with that but I suppose I'm also 'tying down' my DH who doesn't like doing things on his own, we've always done everything together, though at 80 he's not so keen to make long trips now. Neither of us really wants to be bothered with holiday planning, insurance, packing and travel delays now.

We have a dog, but we don't think of him as a tie. If we did go anywhere he would come with us in pet friendly accommodation. He is our shadow and would be devastated to be left in kennels.

Our children are all independent and don't rely on us for help in any way and our parents are long gone.

It is not how I imagined our retirement, and when we first moved here we were very active, but it could be a lot worse. Thankfully we still have each other and we keep ourselves busy. We're happy.

Kate1949 Sat 24-Sep-22 11:21:49

No confidence or self esteem is tying me down. When you lose all your teeth as a child and all your hair as an adult, that does a pretty good job of tying you down.

HowVeryDareYou Sat 24-Sep-22 11:02:53

Smudgie I know what you mean. Our old boy is now about 19 (possibly older), and although we've always got family who could come in to see to him, I don't like to leave him.

HowVeryDareYou Sat 24-Sep-22 11:01:14

The lack of available money. We've got a bit of money, but it's all spoken for.

Katie59 Sat 24-Sep-22 09:51:18

I still work 3 days a week so we work around that, it’s good discipline, we can have long weekends and holidays when we want planning ahead, a structured life I guess. I don’t really look forward to having no structure, I enjoy the job replacing that time won’t be easy.

Smudgie Sat 24-Sep-22 09:24:03

We are tied down by our lovely 18 year old cat. We had a wonderful boarding cattery very near us where she used to go when we went abroad on holiday. That closed two years ago due to the owners ill health and we have never been able to find somewhere else that matched up to it. Yes someone could come in twice a day and feed her but she would be so lonely and when we look at her lovely little face we just can't do it. We are both 77 and aware that we are putting our lives on hold; we no longer have our parents to look after and our daughter and family are busy with their own lives. We've decided that we will wait until she is no longer with us when hopefully she will have had her last bit of time in the house and in her favourite spot in the garden in the sun.

Norah Sat 24-Sep-22 08:48:33

Nothing ties us down, we have new knees! Travel is fun, gardening is satisfying, charity volunteering is fulfilling - and finally all our children are grown, flown, and have no needs (for us to accomplish).

Riverwalk Sat 24-Sep-22 08:39:24

Lucky have a look at Riviera Travel - they do 'solo' trips that are not specifically for single people just people who for whatever reason, are travelling solo.

My best friend and I have travelled on non-solo holidays with this company a number of times and they are so well organised and good value for money.

I was booked to do a solo walking in Tuscany trip with them but Covid got in the way - one day I'll get around to re-booking!

Gingster Sat 24-Sep-22 08:18:30

We are lucky to have a bolt hole to our seaside cottage, so we do spend a lot of time there, to recharge our batteries, and have no calls on our time.
We are always pleased to be back ‘home’ to see family and friends.. DD has lots of hospital appointments atm , so have to be a support for her and her children. DH also is having tests!
I have lots of hobbies and groups I belong to so I don’t like to miss out in them too much. We try to have a balance!
All in all we have a good life doing what we like most of the time.

cornergran Sat 24-Sep-22 08:11:01

Health issues restrict us now, simple as that. I don’t view it as being tied down, just a fact of life. No more overly long journeys (recent necessary trip across the country was exhausting and took days to recover from) or travel out of the U.K. We do what we can and life isn’t bad. As far as routine goes there hasn’t been any for a few years, I’ve just taken on two volunteer roles which will impose some. . How will that be? No idea until I try it.

V3ra Sat 24-Sep-22 07:58:58


I have days out (and once a weekend) with friends who are married; but I know that none of them would wish to holiday without their partners. That is fine. I understand. When you are widowed you no longer come first with anyone - that is just how it is.

That's such a sad reflection on society isn't it? In a couple, one of us will eventually be left on their own.

For the past few years I've organised a week's winter-sun holiday with three friends: two of us are still married, two of us are widows.

I was encouraged to do this by my husband, who has organised a week's golfing holiday to France for himself and three friends for the last twenty years!

I think we need to take a longer-term view of our futures sometimes.

nanna8 Sat 24-Sep-22 00:55:24

Sorry for your loss barmy. It’s hard and good for you for getting on with your life despite sorrow.

nadateturbe Fri 23-Sep-22 22:50:05


Mainly age.It is such an effort to get ready
even for s few days.
Travel is tiring and I can't get around so well these days.
However I can look back with so much pleasure at travelling in former times.

This is how we feel. But we have lovely memories of holidays and realise how lucky we've been.

crazyH Fri 23-Sep-22 22:48:58

Barmy - so, so sorry flowers

Luckygirl3 Fri 23-Sep-22 22:26:08

I have days out (and once a weekend) with friends who are married; but I know that none of them would wish to holiday without their partners. That is fine. I understand. When you are widowed you no longer come first with anyone - that is just how it is.

Grandma70s Fri 23-Sep-22 22:14:24

I have a married friend who came on holiday with me, leaving her husband at home. He didn’t mind. We also had days out together. I also did things with a friend who is single.

Luckygirl3 Fri 23-Sep-22 21:56:29

All my friends are coupled up, so holidaying with them is not an option - they go with their partners.

Grandma70s Fri 23-Sep-22 21:25:08

I’ve noticed several widows on here who say they have nobody to do things with. After I was widowed I did things, went on holiday etc with female friends. It wasn’t much of a problem.

Now, though, I have too many mobility problems to go anywhere.

Hellogirl1 Fri 23-Sep-22 21:23:45

I feel very selfish saying this, but I am tied down by my daughter, who is very disabled. She has carers 4 times a day, and once in the night, but can`t be left on her own for very long. I`m not bothered about fancy holidays, but an odd day out, or a weekend away, comes with such a lot of planning needed, that it sometimes doesn`t seem worth it.

Aveline Fri 23-Sep-22 19:07:32

I don't suppose we are really tied down other than by people we care about and activities we choose to get involved in. Holidays are nice but so is being at home. I feel very lucky after my various knee and hip replacements to have my mobility back

Katyj Fri 23-Sep-22 18:59:40

Nothing tying us down really. The only thing that prevents us leaving is the huge love we have for our sons their families and my mum. Wouldn’t want to be away long We’d miss them too much ?

annsixty Fri 23-Sep-22 18:31:16

Mainly age.It is such an effort to get ready
even for s few days.
Travel is tiring and I can't get around so well these days.
However I can look back with so much pleasure at travelling in former times.

Kim19 Fri 23-Sep-22 18:09:04

Much as I prefer company on holidays, lack of same does not stop me from venturing away alone. In fact I've had a few memorable and thoroughly enjoyable trips on my own.