Why do people do that?

my husband often comes home with vegetables people he does work for give him and to be honest, I have never ever felt the need to reciprocate.
they give things I guess because they are proud of the things they have growing in their gardens. I would never see them as a "please pop over" kind of deal
So I am thinking these neighbours are lonely or just the kind of people who like to pop in.
Stop giving them stuff and dont answer the door

A lot of miserable anti social people on here!

mumofmadboys

It is a sad state of affairs when people are too busy to show neighbourliness. Surely community, caring for each other, doing good turns is what life is all about.

I totally agree, but I think neighbourliness and community spirit can be shown and engaged in without many poppings-in. We manage it here.

Keeper1

Razor wire and landmines

The perfect short (and funny!) way of saying what many other posters have said in more roundabout ways, i.e. discourage them firmly.

I'm definitely anti popping-in.

A bit sad these days, when people prefer solitude to the company of others-Im 72, grew up in London, where doors where always open and the tea on the table in minutes- people were more inclined to mix and mingle and BE THERE for each other- socialising will die out soon. As for the poster, don't give her stuff, as you obviously don't want her company

It is a sad state of affairs when people are too busy to show neighbourliness. Surely community, caring for each other, doing good turns is what life is all about.

fleurbaladine that’s me too
I used to have friends that we popped in on each other when I lived in service quarters and later when I lived in a council house but no longer know anyone that would ‘pop in’ All my friends live different parts of the town now and I don’t know any of my neighbours there’s lots of.multi occupancy houses in my area so no no one visits

The reason i ring or text first is because my friends are so busy with this 'n' that and when i want to visit someone who lives alone and I know would love a visit, I still ring to check what time they prefer, some have carers going, some have appointments, some may have other visitors arriving and I think its always polite to check first opposed to just turning up.

Thats my take on the matter.

I can’t believe how unfriendly some of you lot are! Loneliness is dreadful and a cheerful welcome goes far, be more Christian some of you …..

Splendid! Start the day with a good laugh!

I do not want to be like the couple who I referred to up thread on Tuesday at 15.14hrs; you could set your watch when she would drop in on them, uninvited and spoil many a planned trip out because they were too polite to say anything.

Well, that was their own fault - they should just say "We're just off out now, are you free for a coffee next Tuesday? We'll pop round to you".

it's a difference in culture maybe.
it used to be the norm to pop in on neighbours or pals.
is still common eg in rural ireland.
re the sunday coffee, maybe the popper-in thought she was expected by the couple, that they had established a routine. maybe she didn't really want to go sometimes, but went anyway for old time's sake, so as not to let them down, as she saw it.
if people don't make clear that they are busy or don't encourage random visitors, the other party may not understand there is a problem.
esp if she comes from a time place where this was the norm.
Bijou, wonder where you are . maybe if we knew, some locals could offer, and if you liked the sound of them, you could PM them. a sort of sub group meet up in your parlour. maybe.

ah well- we are all different. I like to be spontaneous, and love people to just pop in for a cuppa and chat. If it is not convenient, then it is easy enough to say. And I'll pop in to friends and neighbours that I know feel the same. Others are not friends, so would never dream of doing so.

What a world we live in, when you have to phone days in advance to make official appointments. How sad. And so many people are so lonely.

Both ACs have gone over and above during Covid, helping elderly neighbours. I am so proud of them. One of them had a special commendation from her (Tory) MP, with a visit and bouquet + bottle, to say thank you, as one of the neighbours told them she would not have survived without their visits, meals, shopping and smile. What goes round, comes around.

I find it quite sad that the days of popping in on anyone are over if that means neighbours are not able to be friendly and exchange news, surplus goods etc or invite each other in for a coffee.
During the first lockdown our neighbours were so kind and did a bit of shopping for us each week. We would chat on the doorstep for a couple of minutes, but now we never chat beyond saying Hello.

Meant to say I WOULD NOT JUST APPEAR....

Maybe your gifts are interpreted as a comfortable progression to call for coffee, i must admit that I personally would just appear at someones house if they had given me a gift of whatever, but I can see the way it would be transformed.

They are not doing anything wrong, they have seen your lovely gifts as a friendly gesture and dont see a problem with taking it 1 step further, ☕!!!!

Just wanting to be friends.... They presumed you wanted to be friends...quite simple really...

Greciangirl

I thought the days of popping in were well and truly over.
I certainly don’t pop in on my neighbours and they definitely do not pop in on me.

If anyone wants to visit, they either phone or text first.

How sad.

"I'm puzzled why you'd give them the vegetables in the first place if you don't want their friendship.

Have you got a freezer? Or sell them to a local farm shop."

Callistemon21, We don't actually care for frozen beans much and we have shared the bumper crop with many of the neighbours in the same way that they have shared their produce around too - none of whom have seen it as carte blanc to drop in on spec.

As a neighbourhood we do help out when needed but the person in question is far too familiar and I do not want to be like the couple who I referred to up thread on Tuesday at 15.14hrs; you could set your watch when she would drop in on them, uninvited and spoil many a planned trip out because they were too polite to say anything.

I thought the days of popping in were well and truly over.
I certainly don’t pop in on my neighbours and they definitely do not pop in on me.

If anyone wants to visit, they either phone or text first.

Entirely depends on you and your attitude. Just say no thank you to offer of free produce and be unfriendly or be pleasant say thank you and offer a friendly coffee, or if it’s too late and you’ve already started something stand firm when working and when you answer the door be firm and say sorry I can’t invite you / chat today I’m very busy with stuff. No more explanation than that. Smile and close the door at least motion to the message will be clear……

Oh dear, Bijou, have you got their phone numbers? Can you invite one round f a cuppa?

I wish neighbours would pop in to see me. Apart from my helpers who come for an hour daily , since my birthday last May I have not had any visitors.

kittylester

Maybe they are lonely.

Maybe they are just nice, friendly people.