Spending weekend alone

Buffy

Sorry Knittingnovice but I think you need to speak to a Councellor. If you have work during the week you only have the weekends to contend with. If you don’t feel like knitting, reading or watching television then I would recommend
cleaning the house, decorating, gardening or washing the car.
If you’re outside people are bound to stop and chat. Try to stop thinking about how lonely you are. Maybe you’re talking yourself into it.

Sometimes being with people makes you feel more lonely. And loneliness in your home can be quite tangible. Unless you’ve experienced it it’s hard to understand. I don’t only like being on my own sometimes I actually need a certain amount of solitude. Which is why being overwhelmed by loneliness surprised me. I was ok at work during the week. I called it Eleanor Rigby syndrome. What a perceptively written song that was especially from someone so young at the time.

effalump

How on earth does someone get lonely on a weekend alone? I've lived alone for decades and I would find it difficult to share my house with anyone. Put some music on and dance like no-ones watching.

Not much effort to try and understand there? There’s a big difference in being alone / feeling lonely. No-one, surely, would open their hearts to post something like this if they didn’t really feel sad or down.

How does that stop someone feeling lonely?

I could spend the weekend pretending I'm Michael Flatley, but it doesnt mean I don't sometimes want to chat to someone.

How on earth does someone get lonely on a weekend alone? I've lived alone for decades and I would find it difficult to share my house with anyone. Put some music on and dance like no-ones watching.

It comes across that its more important to these posters to be heard than to listen and help

Oh, yes - in a nutshell.

Knitting novice I hope you got through the weekend feeling less alone with all the kind and empathic replies.
We all have our vulnerable times and need lots of gentle care from ourselves and others.
Pity about the critical, unhelpful posts on here.
I think some posters jump in with their unwelcome judgements without thinking of the current fragile state of the original poster.
It comes across that its more important to these posters to be heard than to listen and help.
When I got the wonderful news that we were going to be grandparents I thought GN would be a source of sound, wise advice and to be honest I did get some of that.
However the amount of posters who chose to floor me with their judgements, criticism and alienating replies has put me off .
When you are already feeling unsure, down or worried that is NOT what you need.
Thankfully we're now grandparents to two beautiful healthy children and are enjoying finding our way in a wonderful relationship with both children and their parents.
If you can't say anything nice say nothing at all is my advice.

Sorry Knittingnovice but I think you need to speak to a Councellor. If you have work during the week you only have the weekends to contend with. If you don’t feel like knitting, reading or watching television then I would recommend
cleaning the house, decorating, gardening or washing the car.
If you’re outside people are bound to stop and chat. Try to stop thinking about how lonely you are. Maybe you’re talking yourself into it.

It takes some getting used to I can tell you. But once I got used to it I loved it. It is a sad fact today alot of us are alone and feel it more than others. I think some people on here should stop taking the nasty pills. Someone reached out for support and got rebuked. I agree try joining some other groups on the days you are alone. I love just watching others on you tube crafting. It's someone talking. But also volunteering is a great suggestion. Even a couple of hours in a charity shop. Loads of people chat in there. I hope you do find a solution you have hobbies which I think is a good conversation starter

Ignore all the negative comments. Please. We are not all so judgemental and mean. Most of us are quite able to empathise with you.

Knittingnovice - I think you simply need to find out who you are on your own. Instead of being somebody bouncing off other people. Feeling ashamed about feeling lonely is a telling statement. There is nothing shameful about it. Millions of people are on their own in the world. Do you think they feel guilty about it? For you its simply a new experience which has to be learned. Don't feel frightened about being alone.

This is a useful article on loneliness from Mind, and some tips on coping when feeling lonely -

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/about-loneliness/

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/tips-to-manage-loneliness/#TryPeerSupport

Grandmadinosaur, I completely agree with you. Everyone can be lonely, that's how the word came to exist; we're all dfifferent, too.
Knittingnovice, is there some kind of a group for people who prefer company at night? I remember my mother-in-law and a friend often disliked being alone at night, so they took turns to ring each other in the dark hours, every night.

I can fully understand the feeling of loneliness.
I was living with my partner for several years until I decided to leave.
I’ve always enjoyed my own space and now live alone.
I don’t really feel lonely, I’m fortunate, have family close by and have a lot of very good friends who I see on a regular basis.
I enjoy walking and actually enjoy walking on my own.
However that’s not for everyone so I quite understand.
My advice is join a group, put yourself out there and hopefully you’ll become less lonely.
Good luck.

MissieandOllie

This message belonged much further up but it’s been put at the end! It was in response to some unkind person just telling the poster to keep busy. I’m astonished at some of the unkind comments. Loneliness isn’t always easy to overcome - however busy we keep.

Some of the replies were abrupt and dismissive. We’re all different in our feelings and ways of coping with difficulties. Supporting one another should be the easy part.

Kandinsky

Hi op,
Sorry you’re feeling lonely.
I hope this doesn’t sound flippant, but have you considered getting a pet? I know a cat or dog will never take the place of a loved one, but just having someone else to buy food for, think about, take for a walk, can really help.
All the best x

I agree. I know I would grow tired of living alone without my pets. I’ve always loved cats and have strays who needed me at a time when I needed them. Then I got a dog and now I have a happy little family here. They bring me joy every day.

This message belonged much further up but it’s been put at the end! It was in response to some unkind person just telling the poster to keep busy. I’m astonished at some of the unkind comments. Loneliness isn’t always easy to overcome - however busy we keep.

It’s not always as easy as you make it sound.

I am afraid of feeling how you are feeling, Knittingnovice. My husband has Alzheimers and I have felt my world become smaller as I care for him and keep him happy.

It's possible to be lonely in controlling relationship. While loneliness can create negative thoughts if it goes on for Amy length of time, it also createa type of freedom if you use the time positively.

When my nephew was in hospital after a stroke I found him talking to another man in the dayroom. He left after a few minutes and I assumed he was a friend. It turned out that my nephew did not know him at all, and previously he had been talking to another patient. He used to go into the hospital a couple of times a week and just hang about in the TV room chatting to people. None of them knew him. He left as soon as they got "real" visitors. We speculated that he was just a chatty person and he just enjoyed talking to people. Maybe he was also loney as well. Just another suggestion as to where you can find people sitting around with little to do and glad to see a friendly face.

I’m really surprised by some of the mean sounding responses to this poster. Being lonely whether for a day or a longer is not something people should be unkind about.

Yes they will Hetty I think the trouble is that at times when you are vulnerable one tends to read the "nasty ones" and take them to heart rather than the other well intentioned and kind ones.

I've gained so much reading through! But I will add a little agreement about being able to access all the good ideas. There are levels of loneliness where the isn't the "oooompf" to go out and join in either emotionally or physically, but thank goodness for the internet and Zoom rooms and so on.

I too feel dismayed by those people self satisfied?/sharp elbowed enough to make such churlish comments. It has put me off making comments tbh……..but, in reality, this is how it is!
I’m sure we’ve all experienced ‘know it all’s’ and those who give ‘advice’ , make uninvited personal comments etc etc. They’ll always be there!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I’ve yet again put my comment at the end instead of below what I’m commenting on! ? I was responding to Nicolenet