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Which is more important? I can't decide.

(89 Posts)
MissAdventure Sun 09-Oct-22 14:45:10

I am wondering, at the age you are now, and as a young person, which is more important in your partner?

Kindness.
Or,
Sexiness. smile

That's it, really, apart from wondering if your views have changed, at all?

icanhandthemback Mon 10-Oct-22 12:35:15

I didn't really think my husband was sexy when we started seeing each other but he was very understanding (even though I baffled him) and we could spend hours just talking to each other. He was the first man who I had taken a punt on without being hugely physically attracted to him and it turned out that as I fell in love with him, that side grew. In the past, physical attraction had been huge at the start but soon died as I realised just how unkind the person was.
I can't imagine wanting anybody else, but if anything happened to my husband, physical attraction would be far behind kindness and thoughtfulness.

Theoddbird Mon 10-Oct-22 12:21:38

Then and now....sense of humour.

silverlining48 Mon 10-Oct-22 12:08:07

Married 53 years last July. Together 56 years. He is a kind man but has his moments.

Fleurpepper Mon 10-Oct-22 12:02:36

kittylester

I lied. We have been married 52 years today.

Happy Anniversary. You 'beat' us by a few months. Those of us who found 'keepers' with both are very very lucky indeed.

NoddingGanGan Mon 10-Oct-22 11:59:30

Absence. Got divorced eleven years ago and would never live with, or even be involved with, another man ever again. I love my freedom!

Milliedog Mon 10-Oct-22 11:59:13

MissAdventure

I always check how kind a man is to animals.
That is a huge deal to me.

Hitler loved his dogs...

jane1956 Mon 10-Oct-22 11:58:07

we have always laughed together, I think that is important too

holcombemummy60 Mon 10-Oct-22 11:55:03

I am on my 4th husband and we have been together 13 years . I tell people I kissed a lot of frogs to find my prince and he really is. His kindness understanding and love is never ending . We recently took in our 15 old GD due to family issues and h is the most amazing grandad and also rescues chickens and drives from one end of the country to the other end so they all find homes . Something we love doing . Happy Anniversary Kitty

madeleine45 Mon 10-Oct-22 10:54:13

My lovely husband, Brian , was both kind and sexy to me for all of our lives together until his death. Of course life alters as you go on together, but he was always attractive to me, for more than 40 years. As everyone does, we had good and bad times to live through, and at the moment I remember when the mortgage went up to 15% and we had just moved. We had done our sums and worked out what we could manage and then suddenly that was a shock and things were tough. When unexpected stresses arise, it is kindness and sharing that gets you through. Even when he died he donated his corneas and I received a letter telling me that two people could now see , which was a wonderful gift from him. So kindness is a great asset, and for me is such a very important thing as you go through life to help where you can,. So if you are lucky you can have both, but kindness is a blessing from day to day.

Grammaretto Mon 10-Oct-22 10:35:19

52 53 what's the difference. It's fantastic kitty
I hope you enjoy the day and have many more happy years together.
Ashcombe your "second chance" relationship sounds ideal.

downtoearth Mon 10-Oct-22 10:24:20

I find kindness and sense of humour,and genrosity of spirit is sexy,I could be laughed into bed,even now,although all is rusty,I assume it is like riding a bike.
Kindness and gentleness to animals is a must,and a strength of character,he dosent have to be good looking,lived in would do for me,he has eluded me for a few years.

Kim19 Mon 10-Oct-22 07:44:15

KittyL, we forgive you and....... huge congratulations ?. I'm just plain envious.

dragonfly46 Mon 10-Oct-22 07:35:54

Happy Anniversary kitty.

I don’t see why we can’t have both - kind and sexy - mine is!

Ashcombe Mon 10-Oct-22 07:35:10

I can (or could!) find someone sexy because they made me laugh.

MissAdventure: That certainly applies to my DH, to whom I’ve been married for nearly seven years. He’s also slim, has a good head of hair and loves animals. It’s not all good news because he’s untidy and an inveterate hoarder but then so am I!!
We live in different countries but that keeps the magic alive when we meet. An eleven month separation caused by Covid restrictions wasn’t fun but life is better now despite my imminent heart surgery for which he will be here for several weeks. ?

Norah Mon 10-Oct-22 07:29:54

I have both. Lovely I didn't have to choose.

Serendipity22 Mon 10-Oct-22 06:52:06

Kindness .... ?

kittylester Mon 10-Oct-22 02:58:09

I lied. We have been married 52 years today.

Grammaretto Mon 10-Oct-22 00:50:23

I got lucky too. DH was kind and sexy. We made it to 51yrs .
Happy anniversary kitty
We were married in 1969 too.
A friend of my mother's told her he looked like an angel.

Dickens Mon 10-Oct-22 00:50:18

Kate1949

Thank you Dickens. Our lovely nephew was 16 when he died, 14 when he contracted leukemia. Two years of hell for him.

Oh Kate, that is a tragedy. Poor, poor lad, so young. sad

nadateturbe Mon 10-Oct-22 00:26:03

Kindness definitely. But as Concordia says I still find him sexy but not in the mad-panting-lust kind of way. We still love holding hands.

Redhead56 Mon 10-Oct-22 00:14:56

Kindness can be shown in so many ways I am all for that.

crazyH Sun 09-Oct-22 23:57:53

Kindness, every time.

I’m still looking …….

MissAdventure Sun 09-Oct-22 23:31:20

I can (or could!) find someone sexy because they made me laugh.

That and if they can play an instrument (with the exception of the trombone) and I'm sold!

Mandrake Sun 09-Oct-22 22:58:23

Kindness at all ages. Kindness is sexy. Someone who isn't kind isn't sexy, no matter what they look like.

MissAdventure Sun 09-Oct-22 22:45:13

The best of both worlds. smile
That's a nice place to be in life.