Which is more important? I can't decide.

Both would be good but if I had a partner now kindness would be the priority.

When DH and I got married (53 years ago tomorrow) we were definitely 'in lust' but I also knew he was kind and thoughtful and that is what keeps us together.

happy anniversary for tomorrow kitty

I think def kindness now but I was pretty shallow when I was younger...

I think, obviously, there has to be some kind of 'sexiness' there in the first place to spark an attraction between the two of you, but while that may fade over time, kindness lasts.

My daughter and I discussed it.
She asked me to marry my very kind ex once she had died, so she would know I'd be looked after.

Kindness made him doubly sexy.

Kindness for me. I have a kind one. Sexiness goes out of the window eventually.

Happy anniversary for tomorrow kitty. Same year as us.

I always check how kind a man is to animals.
That is a huge deal to me.

Kindness for me too.

Mine was kind enough to donate his bone marrow to a stranger in another country. Now that's kindness.

However kind somebody is, if you don’t find them attractive they aren’t the partner for you. I haven’t changed my mind since I was younger on that, and I’d be mortified if I found somebody was with me only because I was kind.

I would quite like to think I was kind enough for it to be a major reason why a partner valued me.

Kate that goes over and beyond kindness, doesn't it?
I'm sure not many people are that kind. I'm definitely not!!

It does MissA. It was after our nephew died of leukaemia. DH went on the register. He was an 'near match' for a lady in France who had young children. He donated his bone marrow to her. Unfortunately she didn't make it. I'm ashamed to say I didn't sign up for the register, although it was my brother's son who died.

What a noble thing to do!
Ordinary, everyday people are blooming amazing, on the quiet, (sometimes!) aren't they?

They are indeed. He never mentions it or tells anyone. Bless him.

Most definitely bless him, and everyone like him.

I have heard it is quite an unpleasant procedure, too.

Now that would put me off, for a start!

Oh Kate, I'm sorry about your nephew. Your husband sounds like a keeper

Yes it is unpleasant. However, he was admitted to The London Clinic in Harley Street (I think) and was fed lovely food and, if he had wanted it, wine and gin and tonics!

Thank you Jane. Yes I've had him for 55 years, I might as well keep him.

Then and now the most important thing in a partner was that he be a non-smoker and tidy.

DH, hid his untidiness very successfully until after we married (54 years ago).

Things do change over time - 52 years is a long time. And yes, physical attraction was very strong, but so was his calm, kind, gentle and caring manner.

Kate1949

They are indeed. He never mentions it or tells anyone. Bless him.

What an awesome man your DH is!

Made my day reading your story. But how sad about your nephew - how old was he?