Am I being a misery to resent the huge expense of being a wedding ‘guest”

I don't think you were being a misery, I think it is normal to question why other people don't take other people's financial situation into account when expecting them to do something social, even if it is a nice occasion. Consideration of others is an important trait to have!

I always feel a bit miffed at the gift thing. Lots of people like to give personalised gifts for weddings/christenings etc or something hand made, like those wooden spoons that were given to brides.

Anyway, have a lovely time

It reminds me of some Greek weddings we went to 35 years ago. I can remember wondering why they invited so many guests; that it must cost a fortune! Then the guests pinned money to the bride's dress as she moved around; mystery solved!

The entitled behaviour of some couples is breath taking BlueBalou

We went to a wedding where there was a blatant request for money to pay for the three week honeymoon in Asia - and suggestions for how much!
I was flabbergasted. Apparently the couple had forked out an enormous amount of money and pretty much expected the guests to pay. In retrospect I wish we’d declined.

No it's unrealistic for people to arrange weddings in far flung places. They have their dream but do not consider people's finances and the logistics of getting there just say you have other priorities.

I would give them presence, but not presents. You being there is your gift to them, at that price.

Only 2 hours or so to drive there? I would drive there, lay off the booze and drive back.

I also hope that you enjoy yourself littleflo

I have declined a couple of invitations due to the cost. My DS was asked to be best man on Christmas Eve in Singapore. He declined.
If you pander to the unreasonable requests it validates them.

Gransnet Is so great. It is like having a large group of friends, some telling you to get over yourself, don’t go if you don’t want to. Others giving a listening ear and a supportive shoulder. We need both at times.

Particularly as the couple have lived together 12 years and got married 6 months ago !!! Why would you buy a wedding present when they are already married !!!

What logical reason is there for planning a wedding 'reception' 70 miles away from where the bride and groom live?

'The venue is 70 miles from where all the family live. This includes her parents as well as the couple."

£1000 for 6 rooms in the hotel is a ridiculous amount of money and this whole project is simply an exercise in oneupmanship in my opinion and all this on top of a wedding in Barbados which probably wasn't cheap. Asking for cash as a wedding gift is unreasonable too - particularly as the couple have lived together for 12 years.

I do wonder what planet some people live on sometimes.

No chance!
If they really wanted people they cared for to attend they would be holding the event in a place convenient to the majority of guests with a range of accomodation to suit different purses..
This is an ego trip for themselves.
And they dont need a present... they have each other.
No-one HAS to attend.. it is an invitation... not a command.

The whole wedding scene (Big Business) has gone bonkers.
Never mind the wedding, Hen Dos, etc, too.

Seems to me the mosre expensive the wedding, the faster the divorce.

Do what you want to do- and just make an excuse if you resent it too much.

I’m glad you’ve reached a decision littleflo it sometimes clears your thoughts to run things past people.
I do hope you have a great time,

The only thing in all this wedding fiasco is the bit 4where the couple print about not feeling obliged to buy a gift but brass will do, it really girates on my nerve ends. Yes ofcourse I understand that they may not want gifts if they have lived together and got everything they need so why not just enjoy everyone being together to celebrate their wedding.

I have in the past declined an invitation to attend because I can't be two-faced, I either shove ££££ in an envelope under duress and smile through gritted teeth or I don't attend! Its a no brainer for me.

£166 per room in a luxury hotel is fair enough , presumably each couple pays for their own room and the parents of the teenagers have to fork out for them. If you dont buy a gift then its not that horrendous. Go and enjoy!

TerriBull

In answer to the original question posed, not at all! I'm in agreement with many who have posted here, it's too much to expect of guests, whatever their circumstances to have to fork out for the whole palaver associated with some people's weddings, sometimes involving trips overseas and hotel stays. Many a thread over on MN, some pertaining to a whole load of nonsense such as the over inflated hen dos, I'm not talking about a meal out with friends but a week abroad, often un affordable or impacting on annual leave/work/child commitments when did nuptials get this unrealistic and lose sight of the essence of what really matters, making a commitment to the person you love and building a life together, this can be done very simply and cheaply.

Good post TerriBull, especially this:

...when did nuptials get this unrealistic and lose sight of the essence of what really matters, making a commitment to the person you love and building a life together...

Baby Showers, Gender-Reveal parties - it seems nothing is sacred anymore. And I don't mean that in a religious context.

littleflo

We cannot refuse to attend. When we were young we spent lots of time together and we’re very close as the cousins were all of similar age. This is the last of that generation to get wed.

The six rooms are for 4 couple plus their teenage children.

As for the cost of the hotel. It is unavoidable due to the location.

Well if you can’t refuse to attend, and are very close to them, just go and enjoy it without resentment. I don’t understand the hotel business, do you have to pay for 6 rooms or just one, or none?
As suggested stay somewhere cheaper, but give a gift you feel appropriate, bearing in mind your relationship.

Sorry I would not be going they ve been married nearly 6 months what’s the point Waste of money all round and asking for money for presents for a marriage that took place a while ago is cheeky and not something I d take part in
Sorry if that sounds mean but I think it’s a joke asking for wedding presents after the event is long gone

I agree with Sparklefizz just say that unfortunately you are unable to attend, don't give a reason or an excuse.

In view of how times have changed so much over the past forty or so years, maybe it’s high time to have a complete re-think around all this wedding present custom.

The couple here, like the vast majority these days, have lived together for years before they decide to tie the knot, and have therefore got everything which was previously on couples’ wedding present list.
I feel very uncomfortable about the custom now of asking for money. Maybe couples should state unequivocally that presents, vouchers, money are NOT expected, just their company on the day.

If you don’t want to go then don’t. I wouldn’t spend £1000 on a room, it’s very selfish of people to suggest this. People are struggling to buy food and heat their homes. Why is it necessary to have weddings that cost so much to attend. Those abroad are the worst, I wouldn’t go as I would rather go to a place of my choice, not follow the bride and groom around with a lot of people I don’t want to spend time with..Why can’t the couple have a special day and not these repeat celebrations.

I understand there has to be a fine balance between demands of the couple and guests if the couple want people to attend their day

That said - not everybody will be happy, somebody will always have a complaint about the arrangements

In some cases, it is the family who is asking for a reception after the wedding took place, it doesn't always come from the couple

In answer to the original question posed, not at all! I'm in agreement with many who have posted here, it's too much to expect of guests, whatever their circumstances to have to fork out for the whole palaver associated with some people's weddings, sometimes involving trips overseas and hotel stays. Many a thread over on MN, some pertaining to a whole load of nonsense such as the over inflated hen dos, I'm not talking about a meal out with friends but a week abroad, often un affordable or impacting on annual leave/work/child commitments when did nuptials get this unrealistic and lose sight of the essence of what really matters, making a commitment to the person you love and building a life together, this can be done very simply and cheaply.

SiobhanSharpe

Another thought. Seeing as the reception is 70 miles away and you wouldn't want to have to drive back -- could you hire a 10 or 12 seater minibus and driver to take your party there and back?
Yes, it won't be cheap but it will be a lot less than £1,000+.
And you'll have a driver so you can all fall asleep on the way back. And also not have to worry too much about alcohol consumption!

Brilliant.