Am I being a misery to resent the huge expense of being a wedding ‘guest”

I would reply that unfortunately you can't attend. Then follow their advice and don't feel obliged to give a gift.

Tbh Unless you all desperately want to go to the ‘party’, I would decline the invitation. Send them a John Lewis voucher as a nice gesture.

Do you really need 6 rooms? That sounds rather a lot to me. It’s an expensive time of year for families though.

I’m a grump about this type of wedding. It brings out the aging hippie in me. Why can’t they have a legal/religious ceremony and a party at home, is my feeling
I’ve recently turned down an invitation to a five day wedding party in a very expensive hotel in a Southern European country. The cost would have paid for me to have a week’s holiday / a good one at that

Can you find a cheaper hotel near the venue, a Premier Inn or similar?
If you are expected to stay at the hotel where the reception is held (i.e. B &G got a deal - discount on their reception if they also booked rooms) would you be liable for the room cost anyway? Bit cheeky but it happens!
And if you're a large party (with needing six rooms it sounds like it) is the entire cost of £1.000 plus all down to you? Are there other adults in your party who would pay for their own rooms?

This couple sounds very selfish. Those who enjoy a high life style tend to think others can or should afford it too. I would certainly decline the invitation and just send good wishes.

This is a nasty thought - but are they purposely being 'selective' in their guest list, knowing that many will not be able to attend.
This is sad if it is the case as family is SO important, but maybe not to them?

We cannot refuse to attend. When we were young we spent lots of time together and we’re very close as the cousins were all of similar age. This is the last of that generation to get wed.

The six rooms are for 4 couple plus their teenage children.

As for the cost of the hotel. It is unavoidable due to the location.

My nephew sent out invitations in a similar way. We accepted the invitation but not the accommodation. Undecided about the gift as yet.

“Please do not feel obliged to give a gift. If you do want to, we prefer cash to vouchers or gifts”

littleflo I’m with you on this one. Of course it makes sense to give vouchers or cash to a couple who’ve been living together for years. But I hate to see it stated on an invitation.

I had an invitation to a friend’s daughter’s wedding a few years ago. I can’t remember the precise wording now but it was a twee sugary little poem basically saying all we want is your lovely company on our special day. But if you really want to gift us something please use this link.

The link led to a breakdown of their reception and their trip to the Maldives. The itemised list gave options to donate the cost of bottles of champagne/a tier of the wedding cake/a pair of designer flip flops/ a contribution to the cost of a night in a private pod with butler service in the honeymoon resort etc.

just seen on jeremy vine show that a couple on mumsnet want guests to pay £100 each to attend. is that how it's done these days.
I wouldn't go.

Ridiculous. No matter the circumstances, I'd be telling them where to stick their overpriced invitation!

Sounds as if the rooms were part of the deal - they were obliged to book - and pay for - a certain number. I’ve known this before for a family wedding, but it was very convenient for us and not too expensive. Not that that makes it acceptable in your case.

If you’ve got much better uses for that sort of cash, then personally I wouldn’t feel at all bad about declining with thanks, and just sending a card - maybe with a modest cheque.

Its an invitation not a summons. I simply state that I did not have the budget for it at this time.

I have been to weddings that are in a hotel the room rates seem a little high as a hotel will usually give discounted rates to guests but I suppose it depends how high end the hotel is
I am presuming you are only paying for a room for yourself and your husband

Are none of the other adult couples chipping in to help pay for the rooms for themselves and teenage DC?
Are are you saying the cost is too much for all of you even if you're paying separately?
It's a tricky one if you feel you absolutely have to attend. Cut right back on the cash gift(s) ?

Playing devil’s advocate. I don’t honestly think that £200ish per room is extortionate for a nice hotel. I’d go, enjoy the wedding and make a weekend of it by doing something else in the area on the Sunday - all the better if it’s 70 miles away, as you’re bound to find somewhere interesting that you haven’t been to before. . If it leaves you strapped for cash, explain that you can’t afford a gift as well, I’m sure they will understand.

I agree that it's all gone mad.

I think that since the tradition of the bride's father paying for the whole shebang has ended, and since getting married is no longer the usual way that couples start a life together at a stage when every teatowel is a help, there has been a trend towards people turning them into a festival of 'me'. It's worse for young people - they also have to fork out for the engagement, the hen/stag party (or even parties, as some have more than one), and then the wedding, with associated outfits and presents for each. Then there's the 'gender' reveal and the baby shower - it never stops.

I know young people who are unable to take holidays together because all their budget for money and leave is used up on other people's nuptials. It seems daft to me, but I suppose they are mostly doing what their friends are doing, which is what most of us did in our different ways - in my case a night out with friends before the wedding, a ceremony in a local church with reception close by and a couple of nights in a hotel. We did what we expected to do, and they are doing likewise, whether we approve of it or not.

It may be remote, but it may be worth seeing if there is an AirBnB nearby?

Another thought. Seeing as the reception is 70 miles away and you wouldn't want to have to drive back -- could you hire a 10 or 12 seater minibus and driver to take your party there and back?
Yes, it won't be cheap but it will be a lot less than £1,000+.
And you'll have a driver so you can all fall asleep on the way back. And also not have to worry too much about alcohol consumption!

Buy them a toaster! ?

About 18 months ago, I posted about a somewhat similar situation. I understand the obligation to attend.
I definitely agree with VB000 about looking for an Airb'n'b or similar. I wouldn't feel any obligation to stay at the hotel if something else suits you better, and you find holiday lets all over the place!
I also agree with Casdon about making it into a bit of a break to enjoy - although family obligations may make that difficult.
I am quite lucky, because we are 'crafty' people, DH or I make a small personal gift - examples have been a cheeseboard, or a 'wedding ring' patchwork cushion. I say 'I'm sure you understand that we've spent most of your gift money on coming here, but wanted you to know we are thinking of you'.

I also found that once I got among family, so happy to see everyone, my 'grumps' disappeared, even though I still do think it's a cheek, I was able to enjoy myself!

TBH, if a couple have lived together for 12 years, and the actual wedding was 6 months ago, to me it all seems rather pointless.

Did the close family, i.e. the parents, attend the Barbados wedding, or was it just the bridal pair?

The fact that everyone spent lots of time together when younger can often be irrelevant as they all grow up. Obviously not that close to not be invited to the original wedding?

Nephews and nieces in our family seem to get married with only certain selected family invited, if they get married at all. Doesn’t bother me, up to them and I certainly don’t feel I then have to buy a gift.

( Our own daughter married in Australia, her husband is Australian. All the aunts and uncles on our side were invited, unsurprisingly no one came, which I understand, flights, hotels, time off work etc. Too expensive.I later hosted a buffet party at our home, with one tier of the wedding cake, and showed all the family the wedding video. Went down well, and seemed a fair solution).

You say you can not refuse !!!
Well I would ... tough on them should have asked before booking ... in the end your decision

I'd come up with an excuse not to go.