Anyone else struggling after returning to the UK?

The reality of living here is better than we thought it would be.
The greatest shock to me is just how happy we are after returning to the place we love.

I'm really glad it has worked out for you, RichmondPark.
DH always says "Never go back" but I'm not sure that he's right.

There are problems in France and the rest of Europe, but no-where is on its knees as the UK is currently, and the laughing stock of the world. Expats/immigrants I know all say, pound is tanking and things are getting touch, but we are not going back, at any cost. Can't say I blame them

Oh dear - here we go again, knocking everything about the UK.
Nowhere is on its knees like the UK
This is an all-too familiar song.
There are other countries with governmental problems- Italy has had them for decades. Corruption at high levels is endemic.
So is life in France hunky-dory? Where did I read about the difficulties of getting petrol? If everything is so perfect how did Marine Le Pen attract so much support?
Quoting Reuters
PARIS, June 19 (Reuters) - France's far-right scored a historic success in legislative elections on Sunday increasing its number of lawmakers almost tenfold and cementing the party's rise from fringe status to the mainstream opposition
Since taking the helm of the party in 2011, leader Marine Le Pen has sought to rid the National Front - now called the National Rally (RN) - of the anti-Semitic image it acquired under the nearly 40-year leadership of her father, ex-paratrooper Jean-Marie Le Pen
According to a Human Rights Watch report dated 2022, , Germany has its fair share of problems too.
Right-wing extremism, antisemitism, and racism appeared to be on the rise. Media freedom, which deteriorated during the Covid-19 pandemic, was further affected by new surveillance laws. Following the Taliban takeover in Afghanistan, Germany halted repatriations of Afghans, but largely failed to evacuate at-risk Afghans in time. A new law obligates large companies to address human rights risks in their direct supply chains. Germany apologized for the 1904-1908 genocide in Namibia
My point is that there is good and bad everywhere (and don’t get me started on anti-abortion legislation or racism in post- Trump America)
The laughing stock of the world?
Well thanks a bunch.Yes, I recognise that times are hard, but it is not exclusively in the UK and for somebody to use this opportunity to again rubbish our country in this way makes my blood boil.
Deep down I suspect it is OP’s disappointment with her family which has set her on this train of thought.
And that is very sad, not alas uncommon, but nothing to do with the economic situation, Liz Truss or (even) Boris Johnson.

I really understand how you feel. It takes several years to settle into a country plus the fact you have moved since you arrived back.
I think you should do as NotSpaghetti suggested and decide whether another move will give you peace of mind.

F. We might have petrol next week but there is still a mustard shortage

Another ‘Pollyanna’ here Joseanne! I count my blessings and make the best of what I have in life.

I think as we age, we ‘lose’ many things. Friends. Maybe life partners. Good health. Money maybe. But we have to accept that ‘nothing stays the same’. So we must do our best to adapt to different circumstances on our journey through this life.

Also to factor in, some people are glass half full while others are more negative in their outlook - the glass is half empty.

I can understand sadness and regrets by the OP. A yearning to go back to ‘how things were’. But as many of you have already said, possibly some things will have changed anyway and what was once possible is no longer. Acceptance of a situation brings peace of mind I have found. It draws a line in the sand.

On a positive note OP perhaps extended holidays in your favourite places might be possible and if so, bring you some happiness and times to look forward to?

I hope you find peace of mind and maybe some compromises going forward. It’s horrible to feel unsettled over big issues. I’ve been there.

I wish you well.

Countess Fosco I think you have been very brave to go back.
I've been in France a long time and every trip back to England
becomes more and more 'difficult' and 'uncomfortable' for me.
Things have changed. I wish you luck in settling back in.

We've not returned from abroad, but we have just returned to our home town after several years living elsewhere. Despite really trying, joining things, volunteering etc, we just couldn't settle and were lonely and unhappy.

We'd not realised/admitted how unhappy we had been until we'd moved. I think we'd 'put on our big pants' and soldiered on getting more and more miserable but denying the truth. The state of the world bothered me horribly but I think it was amplified by the fact that I was living out my days in a place where I didn't feel at home Also, as we were isolated from the local community, so didn't share the day to day joys of life, just the misery reported daily on the news.

The reality of living here is better than we thought it would be.
The greatest shock to me is just how happy we are after returning to the place we love.

I'd go as far as to say we were subdued and perhaps depressed living in a place that didn't touch our hearts. I feel 10 years younger and buzzing with life after only 5 weeks in our new home. We could have stayed forever - whether that's 1 year or 30. I'm so glad we didn't.

Before we committed to the move home we visited many times, often for days at a time, until we were sure we were doing the right thing. Perhaps you could try that?

It was hard work, expense and upheaval but heavens it was worth it.

I think it might be a case of considering an individual's make up and temperament on this issue. If you are the type who settles easily and happily, (yes, I know Pollyanna here), wherever that might be, then I see no problem returning to the UK anytime. Without giving a list, there are many things which might actually suit you better here. Things are done differently, that's just how it is. In my opinion the trick is to put the problems into perspective in the bigger picture, and not to get hung up on what is better or worse.

No, I am not, so it is best I don't share my advice, as it is too late for that.

It is true- but it is totally wrong to assume this is the case here! Very unfair.

Returning to the UK at the moment must be not only disconcerting, but seriously worrying. OP mentionned concerns with healthcare and specialist language, but at least in France they would have go quick and excellent healthcare. Coming back to the UK where it is almost impossible to get a face to face appointment, and with massive waiting lists and so few staff and terrible facilities- is not for the fainthearted!

There are problems in France and the rest of Europe, but no-where is on its knees as the UK is currently, and the laughing stock of the world. Expats/immigrants I know all say, pound is tanking and things are getting touch, but we are not going back, at any cost. Can't say I blame them.

Fleurpepper

I truly feel for you and totally understand.

Are you a returned ex-pat, Fleurpepper?

If so, from experience, what advice would you give CountessFosco?

You can keep digging, Fleurpepper but I didn't say CountessFosco was ^needy or clingy*.

It was just advice that we should not rely on our children and grandchildren for our fulfilment, our happiness and our social lives.
I'm sure CountessFosco knows that and, now everything is opening up again, she and her husband will be able to seek social activities where they've moved to and feel more settled.

Fleurpepper

although to be fair, it was Callistemon who said

''No-one wants clingy, needy parents and grandparents,''

Isn't that true though?

A warning to all of us!

I lived in the u.s.a many years ago for 3 years. I loved everything about it and hated haveing to return to the u.k. But many people tell me that America isn’t the same these days and that is true of everywhere. Things change,systems change,governments change etc etc so no surprise your return ‘home’ hasn’t worked out. Go back to Dorset if that’s what you really want. Yes it’s an upheaval but if your health is good then it’s doable. Better than liveing in a part of the country that just exacerbates your longing for that far off land you can’t return to. As for moveing to be near family, each case is different!!

Yes, agreed. There are just 'ways and ways'. As said, it was not you who said 'No-one wants clingy, needy parents and grandparents,' - so apologies.

But 'big girl pants' did sound rather patronising.

Fleurpepper I used the words I used to say what I wanted to say.
Sometimes we need encouragement to look at a positive course of action. OP has recognised this is a “grass is greener” situation. As we all know from our life experience it rarely is and if we are lucky enough to reach our late 70’s hankering after something is pointless.
Carpe diem

OH says we are simply too advanced in age {79 + 77} to even contemplate another major upheaval.
You say "he's right" - is he?

Make an honest list of pros and cons.
Compare them. Evaluate. Be brutally honest.
Look at them again and see which you can change (or nudge into something palatable).
Then decide about going back or not.

My mother-in-law moved at 96.
You can do it if you really want to.
Good luck!

although to be fair, it was Callistemon who said

''No-one wants clingy, needy parents and grandparents,''

MawM-it was the words you used! No need.

P.S. Stop watching the news too…

You sound mildly depressed CountessFosco and I sympathise.
Of course we all get depressed now and again, wherever we live, but there are ways round it.
Are you living in the middle of nowhere or in a lively place? It sounds to me as if you need to make your own life more interesting and not dependent on your family.
There are so many activities you could get involved in and once involved, you will not be dwelling so much on yourself in this negative way.

CountessFosco you probably came back, unknowingly, at the worst time because Covid must have hit soon afterwards with lockdowns, etc, so no chance to get to know new people, join clubs, societies, even go out for entertainment etc.

Now those things are resuming I hope you can join in, find new friends and feel more settled.

Fleurpepper

Callistemon21

Fleurpepper

''Are you sure you are not perhaps going on too much about what you have given up? They presumably did not ask you to, but it was your decision. So all I can advise, kindly, is to get your big girl pants on and make the effort to enjoy the years you have left.''

how very unkind and totally lacking in empathy. Very sad!

But we can't expect our DC to be responsible for our happiness, surely?

No-one wants clingy, needy parents and grandparents, especially if the younger generations have been used to them living abroad for 44 years.
It simply isn't realistic to come to live back in the UK after all that time and expect family, including a difficult taciturn DIL, to welcome PIL with open arms. I hope you can win her round, CountessFosco but it could take time.

I'm sorry you feel homesick but you could return to where you lived for so long and find everything has changed there too.

I think trying to enjoy everything your new community has to offer, joining clubs, societies etc might be a good start.

Of course not. But it is wrong to assume that the OP is 'clingy and needy'!!! That is so wrong and unfair.

No, Europe also has its issues, but it has NOT changed in the same way as the UK has since 2016.

I didn't say that CountessFosco was clingy or needy Fleurpepper.
It was a generalisation, perhaps a word of advice as they moved back for the children and have again moved to be even nearer them.

It's best not to depend on your children for fulfilment and happiness, especially as the DIL seems difficult.

Please stop chastising other posters who are just trying to help.

No Fleurpepper - not unkind or lacking in empathy, just pragmatic.
We are adults who have made our decisions and if they are the wrong decision, having identified why, it behoves us to either accept with good grace and make the best of it or accept, also with good grace and do something about it.
It need not apply only to ex expats, there will be Grans on GN who have given up friends and activities they love to live nearer their AC in another part of the country who may feel their choice is not entirely appreciated. Unless the AC asked OP and her husband to move back, it was their choice. Sadly our AC can have busy lives, the GC spending increasing time on their weekend activities - we may be there for them, but we cannot expect their lives to revolve around us.

I know people who come back when they start to age because they want to be somewhere where they are familiar with the medical terms etc. My dd has had intensive cancer treatment in Europe which is a different system that I did not understand, nor did she, but luckily she speaks her new language reasonably fluently. It was difficult though at times.
You have come back in times of Covid and all that has followed ( never mind Brexit) which probably has had an effect on how you feel about being here. It’s been hard for us all.
It can only get better.... at some point. Once Boris gets his feet back under the table, all will be wonderful ( yes, I am joking). Heaven help us.

Short addendum : it is often extremely difficult becoming old and infirm in one's own language, let alone a foreign one where specialist expressions are well nigh incomprehensible. So that was also a deciding factor, not only the children. It's probably correct to say that nothing stays the same and we would doubtless find that what we left 3 years ago has also changed.