Dog friendly? What would you do?

I still want to know if there were any more dogs on the walk, or was he/she the only one?

To me, that makes a difference.

Seems to me he/she was the only one, which is quite telling.

GrannyRose?

Did everyone know the dog would be going on the walk and also to the meal?

Did they others once they got to the pub just head in to the restaurant and settle down there?
Was there any proper discussion about where to sit?
Or was it the case of one person headed in and others followed?

Could GrannyRose elaborate a little? Many of us are making suppositions but what are the “facts” (more or less)? Did most people know the dog would be going on the walk? Were there any issues with him/her on the walk? Surely they didn’t all swan off to the restaurant without some conversation with the OP?

ParlorGames

RichmondPark1

It's not about dogs. It's about friendship.

Exactly!
Who wouldn't expect a dog owner to take their dog on a 'long countryside walk with a group of friends'? Someone must have known the restaurants regulations on dogs from the outset surely, but chose not to say anything - rather unkind in my opinion.
I am not a dog owner but I can see this from the OP point of view and seemingly that of many others contributors.
I certainly would not expect my friends to leave their dogs tied up outside a restaurant nor would I expect them to be alone during the meal.
Had I been with this group I would have opted to sit in the dog friendly area with the dog owner and stuff the rest of the party because they are not worthy of anyones friendship.

Of course you would because you are kind and considerate and have good manners.
These so called friends are all lacking in basic good manners and are all very selfish and didn’t consider what GrannyRosie15 was going to do nor did they care what she was going to do. They all knew that she couldn’t eat in the restaurant because of the dog.
It’s not as if they didn’t have a choice of where they could all be together. This is not how you treat a friend. It was very unkind.

It sounds like a lack of communication in the first place.

I think most of us understand that is how you feel Lathyrus as you have been pretty clear It doesn't mean in all these scenarios they couldn't have spoken to her beforehand if they didn't want the dog there or that they would be eating in the restaurant. They are all adults capable of communication. There is no need to be cruel and hurtful to people (even if you don't like them)

I wouldn’t put them in that position in the first p,ace.

I wouldn’t demand that of my friends

JaneJudge

I agree with you Maya. Even if the dog is taken into consideration next time, what they did was actually pretty cruel . As adults if they didn't want the Gran to take her dog, why not be an adult and just say so?

As far as we can tell they accepted without comment of any kind that the OP had brought her dog on the walk.

What they didn’t want (*everybody else*) was to eat in the dog friendly conservatory. They didn’t want to.

So not only would they have a meal in a place they didn’t like to be in but they would have had to pay to do it.

I would demand that of my friends.
Where’s the consideration of friendship on the OPs side?

Yes nanna8 . It's the assumption by some dog owners - a 'this is my dog, he's coming whatever you think' attitude. It drives me mad. However, me being me, I would have at with the friend.

I agree with you Maya. Even if the dog is taken into consideration next time, what they did was actually pretty cruel . As adults if they didn't want the Gran to take her dog, why not be an adult and just say so?

ParlorGames

RichmondPark1

It's not about dogs. It's about friendship.

Exactly!
Who wouldn't expect a dog owner to take their dog on a 'long countryside walk with a group of friends'? Someone must have known the restaurants regulations on dogs from the outset surely, but chose not to say anything - rather unkind in my opinion.
I am not a dog owner but I can see this from the OP point of view and seemingly that of many others contributors.
I certainly would not expect my friends to leave their dogs tied up outside a restaurant nor would I expect them to be alone during the meal.
Had I been with this group I would have opted to sit in the dog friendly area with the dog owner and stuff the rest of the party because they are not worthy of anyones friendship.

Yes, the OP knew about the restaurant regulations and chose to take her dog and assume that everybody else would sit in the Conservatory with her.

Was that kind and thoughtful towards her friends?

I agree with Smileless2012 and RichmondPark it is about friendship. GrannyRose's friends did not behave as friends should have done. They knew she had a dog, it was a countryside walk, They were at a dog friendly cafe.. why not then eat with her and her dog. Why exclude her? That is not being a good friend in my book.

I used to go walking with a couple of friends and one would always bring her dog. We had to sit outside every time, even in freezing cold weather and boiling hot weather because she brought her dog with her. She never even considered anyone but herself and we just fell on with what she wanted rather than be unfriendly. That’s the other side of the coin. I no longer go walking with her.

Tbh, as a dog owner, I would have discussed with the group that I would like to bring my dog with me and see how they felt about it including the pub lunch. Taking dogs into an eating area can be difficult as we have often found out, and I would have accepted that if this was the case, then I would have had to eat separately or not take her with me. I don't think you can expect people to have to eat where they don't want to simply because you can't or won't leave your dog at home or accept that you may have to sit somewhere else.

Fleurpepper

Lathyrus

Actually thinking about the crutches when my husband was in a wheelchair there were times when we couldn’t go to some things because it wasn’t wheelchair friendly.

We never expected our friends to not go just because we couldn’t.

There are alternatives, surely. If you have friends who have mobility issues, you do everything to include them and not make that disability even worse because friends can't be bothered to support. Yes, there will be a couple of things were this will not work, fair enough.

Well actually we wanted them to go to things they wanted to go and enjoy themselves. Family and friends.

I can’t accept the attitude of I’m the one person whose wants count and all the rest of you should put what you would enjoy to one side and do the thing that only I will enjoy.

And I’m very upset that you wouldn’t do that and I’m not going to be your friend any more!

Unless I have missed something, nothing had been said about not bringing the dog on the walk. If she had been made aware that the group intended to eat somewhere which didn't allow dogs or that the intention was to eat in an area where dogs were not allowed then she'd have been able to make a choice about bringing her dog and not staying for lunch orleaving the dog at home. There may have been a miscommunication in the OP's case but in my world, friends look after each other, I just would never have left someone out and I honestly don't think any of my friends would either.

GrannyRose15

Glorianny

It is actually quite difficult to say to a dog owner "I don't want/can't stand your dog" . So perhaps the group have tried dropping hints before and just been ignored. This time they chose to eat where the dog couldn't go. The message is clear. The dog isn't wanted.

You have no justification for that statement at all. Nothing I have told you could possibly lead you to that conclusion.

So why do you think they went to eat in the dog free area? The fact that you still can't even consider they might have been sending you a message actually supports my theory. But I am interested to know why you think they did it.

As RichmondPark has said It's not about dogs. It's about friendship and I would add that it's not about others ensuring that the OP's needs are met, it is about friendship and some of the group are people that GrannyRose knows well.

RichmondPark1

It's not about dogs. It's about friendship.

Exactly!
Who wouldn't expect a dog owner to take their dog on a 'long countryside walk with a group of friends'? Someone must have known the restaurants regulations on dogs from the outset surely, but chose not to say anything - rather unkind in my opinion.
I am not a dog owner but I can see this from the OP point of view and seemingly that of many others contributors.
I certainly would not expect my friends to leave their dogs tied up outside a restaurant nor would I expect them to be alone during the meal.
Had I been with this group I would have opted to sit in the dog friendly area with the dog owner and stuff the rest of the party because they are not worthy of anyones friendship.

I would have gone home. I think your so called friends behaviour was really hurtful and unkind. They should never have left you alone.
We have a really upmarket hotel in our town that has 3 eating areas and only the restaurant is off limits to dogs. The food is pricey but excellent. They even have dog beds available in their large conservatory.
My son and his family go there on a weekly basis to eat and they have never had a problem with dogs acting inappropriately. My DIL is wary of them so would soon say something.
I think dog lovers and non dog lovers can co exist perfectly happily so long as the restaurant is run properly as this one is.

Caleo

A smoker can choose not to smoke on occasions. A dog owner can't choose to leave the dog tied up outside as someone might steal the dog.

Even if the walking group was a crowd of twenty people it's reasonable to assume one or two of them would be aware of the needs of a minority of one.

So does that mean you would ask the smoker to join the others in the non-smoking area? And if she refused, would you leave her on her own or sit in the smoky area?

I wouldn't leave a dog tied up either, because, as you say, it could be stolen. It's interesting though, that the choices offered by the OP don't include a compromise on her part, which is not taking the dog in the first place. It's all about what the others should do given that the OP's needs are met.

I'd be interested to know why people think that the others should have sat with the OP? As I've said, I would probably have done so, despite not being happy with it, and I've asked myself why. I am a bit of a people pleaser, so that's probably why, but I can't think of a logical reason. It's not about the rules of friendship, which involve people looking out for one another, as if they had been followed the dog wouldn't be there in the first place. It's about who dominates the relationship, really. I am aware that people pleasers are easily exploited by those who put their own needs/wants first, and as I've got older I've tried to stop putting myself in that situation, but the habits of a lifetime are hard to break..

GrannyRose, I’m wondering how the morning ended. How did the group members react when you said you were leaving?
Did anyone suggest you stay (and eat alone?!). I’m really surprised that nobody offered to eat with you in the conservatory. During the first part of the walk did anyone express annoyance about the dog being there? I just find it hard to believe everyone marched off to the dining room and left you. Was there at least a discussion about you and the dog? Are we missing something? Did it all end acrimoniously?

I’m a dog lover and no walk is as good unless he is with me. Your ‘friends’ were rude and unkind, GrannyRose. I would have left and come home too.