Self care and self neglect

Hair loss can be very traumatic, don’t let anyone tell you any differently.

I lost a lot of hair from psoriasis on my scalp, it was coming out in handfuls when I washed my hair, and all over my pillow when I got up.

For self care I grow, harvest, prepare and eat many of our main of the veggie I use in our meals…..the whole cycle is very self satisfying and so good for me emotionally as well as physically. I also don’t drink any alcohol …haven’t done for many years now ….and don’t miss it at all. And one of my favourite ‘self care’ habits…..taking myself on a solo holiday with a travel company that does all the planning. I go with them once a year….to places I really want to visit …..and always return back home with wonderful memories and feeling happy and ‘renewed’.

Don't iron. I don't eat much but like to make it healthy. Drink a pint of milk a day.

Self care for me is walking on my own just letting my thoughts wander. An hour of listening to a bit of background music on the radio whilst reading a book. Love a little pamper session. Hair, nails, massage but really dont do THAT often enough. I am notoriously bad at looking after me, often putting others first but now as I age am learning not neccesarily to put myself first but at least in the mix.

Self care doesn't have to come at cost to others or financial cost at all

Except when we get on to serious political issues, coming on here to share and advise is a form of self care.

After my hair loss and teeth loss as a child, I have thought many, many times 'What's the point of self care?'

Poppyred I have a hair system, not a hair weave system. I have no hair to weave it onto.

Where does self care end and vanity begin?
I don't believe I neglect myself but it's true to say that I'd sooner spend money on my dog's wellbeing than things that other people would see as 'self care'.

The ironing example, was just that I di not spend the same tike and effort on my clothes as I do my families.

It was inspiration to look at the topic deeper, not a massive issue in itself

I sometimes wonder if self-indulgence doesn't equal self-neglect. I'm sitting here dipping into a bag of crisps when I should be up on my feet doing things!
But I tend to agree with a poster above who says that self-neglect is failing to wash as often as you should, allowing yourself to live in dirty surroundings and not providing yourself with healthy meals. I'm not sure what comes first in that sort of situation - the depression and loneliness or the neglect?
Obviously self care is the opposite of the above! And if possible with the occasional treat or self-indulgence thrown in.

jenpax

I am one for self neglect! When the children were little I neglected myself terribly and have since had it pointed out by my,now adult daughters, that whereas I thought I was prioritising their needs they did not have a good example set to them of self worth and self care😳
History is repeating itself with my youngest DD and her 3 children as I am caring a lot for them while she finishes her nursing degree and have slipped back into old ways of not looking after my own needs! I know this needs to be addressed because it leads to ill health mental and physical as I know to my cost!

I really felt this comment

I never used to think meditation and breathing were for me but since I discovered the wonderful insight timer app I listen to around ten minutes of a meditation whilst breathing slowly and calmly every morning. It’s a lovely little bit of self care. There are loads of different things on the app for everyone just have a little explore until you find what suits. At the moment I like Tony Brady and Nicky Temple.

When younger I was taken in by the 'romance' sort of myth and did myself a lot of harm by always (and I mean always) putting other people first. Eventually the scales fell from my eyes and I realised nobody else viewed life that way (and nobody noticed my efforts). Now I try to do something purely for enjoyment every day. And put my own health as a high priority. It really helped when OH health was critical - a daily focus on something non-medical kept me halfway sane!

I call it the broken biscuit syndrome. Harking back the the days when opening the biscuit packet I would have the often broken one at the end and give the unbroken ones to the kids.
It felt a luxury to have an unbroken one.
Ok I know we shouldn’t have been eating biscuits!

Farzanah

I’m a little confused about the concept. I consider ironing as housework, but the basic “self care” I do is showering, cleaning my teeth, washing my hair and visiting the hair dresser occasionally.
Is self care what is referred to a “pampering”. If so I don’t do that stuff?

Glad to see I am not the only person puzzled by this thread.

It would never have struck me to consider ironed clothes, polished shoes and the like as "self-care."

Nor would I like, you, Farzanah, include daily hygiene as self-care, any more than washing clothes.

Going to the dentist twice a year, and having my eyes tested are, I suppose, forms of self-care. Wearing a bike helmet must come into this category too. I suppose I might include daily exercise.

Reading books - no, definitely not. Reading is an absolute necessity to me and has been a daily pursuit since the day I mastered the art of reading when I was five.

Self-neglect? Surely, no-one neglects themselves unless suffering from clinical depression?

Or is forgetting to say my prayers a form of self-neglect?

I am one for self neglect! When the children were little I neglected myself terribly and have since had it pointed out by my,now adult daughters, that whereas I thought I was prioritising their needs they did not have a good example set to them of self worth and self care😳
History is repeating itself with my youngest DD and her 3 children as I am caring a lot for them while she finishes her nursing degree and have slipped back into old ways of not looking after my own needs! I know this needs to be addressed because it leads to ill health mental and physical as I know to my cost!

My self care is living the way I want to, not the way other people want me to. During the economical mess we're in at the moment, I don't consider ironed clothes as 'self care', especially if you're not actually out and about. I live like a hermit, not much of a people person these days. I'm healthy, I take a lot of care in keeping my immune system as healthy as possible without relying on others to do it for me. I eat as healthily as I can afford and make compromises where I can without denying myself too much. You have to live within your means at this time and believe with all your heart that this too shall pass and our lives will get so much better rather than worse. Believe it or not, but this is the most exciting time anyone could wish to be alive. You may not think so at the moment but remember that whatever you see may not be as it seems. Try not to be sucked into the Fear theme and begin to imagine how wonderful your future lives can be.

One of the ways I neglect myself is forgetting my medication which, helps me sleep and helps my pain levels

I've been better since someone helpful on gransnet suggested leaving it by the kettle amd I also have an alarm on my phone

But if I'm distracted by other things, that thought pops into my head that I will do it in a minute and that's that

I have many priorities in my life and one of them is me! Unless I am well and happy I can’t do my best for those I love. I therefore try to keep myself as physically well as possible. My appetite is small so I try to ensure that what I do like to eat is reasonably nourishing-and there are the odd treats of chocolate! I have a check up with the practice nurse yearly as there are various illnesses in my family history which have occurred regularly and I have wanted to be investigated for them and I do my best to avoid lifestyle choices which may exacerbate the risk. I don’t want to burden my children with future problems, especially if they are avoidable! I try to keep myself happy; little things make such a difference, an interesting TV programme (rare these days!), a good book, music to dance to doing the housework, coffee with a friend, browsing the shops, planning trips etc. As I am alone it’s always advisable to have something to look forward to! These things are MY self care! Self neglect would be not taking an interest in the world around me, staying home and moping, not interacting with other people. Oh and not dressing up or putting on the slap! I do like a bit of glam!

It is so easy to neglect yourself when you are busy caring for others. It may be by not finding time for yourself to enjoy life a little, or not eating properly, or a host of other things.
I found my healthy diet went to rats and in turn that meant I was more likely to hide away as the weight went on or not dress as well as I could because why bother.
I have never been a person to pamper myself but I do think I should do a bit more to make me feel better. How do other women manage to fit it all in?

I'm in the self-indulgent camp as I spend loads of time doing what I want - sewing, knitting, reading, etc and as little time as possible doing housework. If I'm working on a project I turn into an even worse slovenly slattern and neglect the housework even more.

Yes, there are dust-bunnies in the corners, and I do feel a little bit ashamed but I'm happy. I'm conscientious about food hygiene and the kitchen and bathroom are clean, and I don't believe I've poisoned anyone. As a widow I please myself.

Self care for me is not doing any ironing whatsoever!
All bedding all goes to a laundry and comes back beautifully clean and fresh and crisp and I don't even have to wrestle it into and out of the washer-dryer.
DH irons his own shirts as and when.

I tell myself every day how lucky I am.
I'm so sorry for those of you with hair loss problems and know how some of my friends with cancer felt when they lost theirs. My self protection is everything to do with an arthritic spine. My daily routine revolves around it. But it could be so much worse. I'm lucky.
And I do avoid ironing as much as possible!

I think I could easily slip into self neglect so your post has made me sit up and take notice. Thank you.

I have (apparently), regularly self neglected. I have mental illness and when I am unwell, I tend to stop washing my hair or body (this can last for several months), to stop eating properly, to stop bothering to get up, opening curtains etc.