Grandmother's rules.

I envy you all that had relationships with grandparents. My maternal ones died very young, leaving my mum and aunt as orphans. My paternal grandmother died young, and maternal grandfather died before we could meet him. I was around 12 at the time; we were in Canada and he was in France.

I thing I have a good relationship with my G; and yes I have rules at my house.

Just the other day I asked my granddaughter (6) if she was born in a barn; she started eating a sandwich on a plate without putting a placemat down on the table, nor did she have a napkin! I had made the sandwich, but not set the table yet, and turned around to find her already eating it.

She had a giggle, but it is one of the rituals at my house that she quite enjoys, setting the table even if it is a quick meal.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My grandmother’s rules could be summed up as “Remember your manners” and “Please do as I ask without arguing.” We lived with my GP for quite a lot of my early childhood.
They never seemed too onerous.
For my DGC the rules are much the same, and other rules follow what DDs ask.
I guess I use the phrase “If you want to . . . then” It seems to work.

it was not that my granmothers had rules, more that I instinctively knew what behaviour was expected of me.

I had nice grandma and nasty grandma, although I did not put it in those words at the time. My maternal grandmother's house was destroyed in the blitz, so she lived with us until I was 4. But it was my mother who was in the firing line if we children were not up to scratch, not us. I adored her, was close to her and was devastated when she died when I was 14.

My paternal grandmother did not approve of my mother, My mother was pretty and vivacious, dressed stylishly, wore make-up and went to plays written or acted in by Noel Coward, the epitome (to my grandmother) of immorality and she was not past insinuating that my mother was no better than she needed to be.

My younger sister and I spent most of our holidays with her, and other family members for three years when we were coming up to O & Alevels, when my father, in the army was posted to Malaya. I was far too like my mother and got regulary squashed or put down verbally by my grandmother. My younger sister was quieter, although no less determned and strong willed, so was preferred, but this never stopped my sister springing to my defence if my grandmother criticised me in my absence.

No eating in my car .....drinking water only in my car ......their parents cars are always being valeted as there are food stains everywhere 🙄

Just this: Oma (Grandma) is NOT a morning person, and does not engage in play until she's had her coffee, shower and got dressed, and certainly not before 8am.

Its lovely getting a glimse of others memories of grandparents. I had a Gran who was cruel with her words and actions and a Grandma who showed me nothing but love, encouragement and was fun. We baked together , played card games and had impromptu picnics in the local countryside. We stayed up late drinking milky sweet cocoa and making toast on an open fire.
When mine are here they do get away with the odd bit of mischief. We might snuggle up and watch tv in bed. We bake at the drop of a hat. We get the paints out on the dining table and snack on our laps. We go out in the garden after dark in our pj's and make faces at each other under torch light. Simple daft little things that I pray will stay in their memories forever as fond memories.

To my great regret, I knew none of my grandparents - only one horrible step-grandmother, with whom I enjoyed a mutual loathing. We have not had our grandchildren to stay on their own yet (three of them live out of the country). I think we would be stricter about table manners if we did.

I follow my daughter's wishes regarding dgs who is three but there are rules here that are rules for gangan's house that dd might not necessarily have or be more flexible with at her house. Dd knows that I am more strict than she might be, because I always have been. She knows that I always treat dgs kindly regardless and sees nothing wrong with him learning that different people have different expectations and you need to bear that in mind depending on who you are with.
So here all food is eaten at the table and once you leave the table the food is gone and you have finished. There is no second bite of the cherry.
We use indoor voices in this house even when playing, if you want to scream and shout you play in the garden.
Dgs doesn't question it at all, my rules are what he is used to when he is here so he doesn't find it difficult or get confused because they have always been the same. He often asks to come over so he can't find me too draconian anyway

My son and daughter in law have two rules at home for their children which I adhere to when they're here. "share and be kind". They are lovely, well behaved and confident little souls.

I didn't know any of my grandparents! My mom was 36 when I was born and my father 49. My maternal grandma was 42 and thought she was on the change of life.

I'm very relaxed with my grandchildren. I stick to my eldest son and DiL guidelines generally and enjoy my time with them.

I have them once a week on a Saturday and extra in the school holidays where needed as both son and DiL work so care is shared with my DiL mom whom I'm close with.

DiL mom and I were both widowed young within a year of each other which has brought us closer

Both my grandmothers were lovely. My dad's mum was more inclined to spoil and dished up cream cakes etc. My mum's mum was a Victorian-born 1899. She lived to be 90 and had an incredible life. She was not particularly strict and she embraced modern life. She was the first in the family to fly (before jet engines) and said it was a "bit bumpy sometimes" She was widowed in her late 50s, worked as a waitress and a bar maid and spent her money on lovely holidays including travel abroad. She had a few offers of marriage I think but her opinion was "men just want a skivvy!". I don't think I realised quite how amazing she was until after she died.

Very relaxed however won’t tolerate rudeness and no “please” and “thank yous” whinging, (he’s 8!) saying “ no I won’t!” And teasing the dogs oh and littering indoors or outside ! We do have lots of fun though and when he comes here say, good, activities all geared around him

Oh and both my granny and grandma were just gorgeous, cuddly, lovely grand-mothers who I adored and lost too soon (7 for one and 14 for t’other)

Meals at the table and no phones at the table

Both my Grandmothers seemed like old ladies. One was quite posh and you to ask whether I had had sufficient if I stayed to tea. The other Grandmother was a little stern yorkshire woman who used to greet me by saying 'Na then then' . So different to the relationship I have with my 8 year old GS. We dance about to rock music and always go on fair rides together!

i was brought up by my gran from 6 weeks old, i stayed with her till i was 7 and then came back when i was 11, she had rules but more like a mother had, i probably got away with things because i was her GD, i was never really punished anything, but she did instill in me good manners and respect and a good work ethic, my granda was blind and worked in the blind asylum in glasgow, after he retired he would sometimes work from home making grommets for lagging pipes, the large balls of twine were delivered and we would sit for hours makes these, then thread 144 in a circle and tie them off, these would then be used to lag pipes, i knew that he had a deadline to keep to so i learned that sometimes work had to come first. i miss my gran so much, she died when i was 18, but i am thankful that she made me a better person.

I loved both of my Grandmother's , my paternal gran suffered with poor health all of her life but was very gentle, loving and affectionate.
We'd play board games and she's ask me to read to her....which linked in to my maternal gran.
She'd buy me a book every other week and when I read it, she'd talk to me about the story and my thoughts on it. She was a very intelligent, independent woman (far ahead of her time in many ways) but her circumstances had prevented her doing what she wanted to do - she encouraged me in many ways from a very young age.
They made a wonderful circle around me as a child and I miss them both.

Not so far - it’s their parents I need rules for! They wEre always interfering with their rules Eg ‘Don’t let him look at your phone, Mum’ when Tony Grenada on wanted to sit with me for a cuddle with some nursery rhymes!

Our rules would be their parents rules

My paternal grandmother died when I was small.
Although we lived near my maternal grandmother lived quite near we didn’t visit very often. She did tell me that when her first child was about to be born (1894) the doctor told her to lift her skirts but because he was a man she refused and as a consequence the baby was suffocated.
During the war I was given compassionate leave to visit her because she was dying. She suddenly sat up and said “ if I die he will be down the pub every night”. She lived another ten years.

My rules - no snooping, take your shoes off at the door, try whats put before you, ask a blessing before you eat, never leave without hugs!!! I have four wonderful grandsons with parents that have the same rules. Grandpa is their bestie and they spend hours gaming with him. Grandma is the snack provider and they have a dresser well supplied and beverages in the pantry fridge. They are to ask and do.
My grandmother's were widows. I never knew my grandfather's. One grandma, which my great grandma lived with, was all about us kids. We never left without some small token of her love. My fathers mom didn't like small children so we only began a relationship with her as teens. Lived with her in summer so I could work. Built a great friendship with her which remained throughout her remaining,years. Both had similar simple rules which were just a matter of respect for her home and self. Loved all three dearly! Learned much at their homes that have become part of who I am as a mom and grandmother.

Both my maternal and paternal grandmothers were rather austere. They both had large families and I think they had had enough by the time I came along.
Children stayed out of the way as the grown ups talked and kept quiet. I had to stop ‘playing’ my grandmother’s piano as she didn’t like the noise (from the next room).
Each week a pilgrimage was made to each grandmother. One was messy, uncut lawns etc and the other was houseproud, with the daughter in laws fighting to be in her favour, preparing the high tea as she looked on.
My late DH and I have been easygoing with our DGD and certainly more affectionate, although I’m not mad on her table manners…

My grandmothers' rules were fairly similar to OPs, barring handing out mending to do. My grandmothers led by example there, but didn't insist we followed them.

My own rules as grandma are: we eat all our meals at the table, without phones, tablets or computers present, as part of eating a meal together is talking to each other.

No-one, child or adult, speaks with their mouths full, or plays with their food, or feeds our cats titbits as the cats are not allowed to beg at the table,

We speak politely to each other and agree to differ when we hold differing opinions.

Upstairs windows are kept closed or only opened so little that neither children nor cats can fall or jump out.

That's it I think.

biglouis When I read your post I wondered if we had the same grandmother! So many things you mention are familiar to me to.

My maternal GM was born in 1880 and was a real 'lady'. My mother and I lived with her and my GF so they helped raise me from the age of six weeks. Good manners and good behaviour were foremost in her home. She was determined that I too would be a lady and with that in mind she sought to teach me all the 'ladylike' skills she considered necessary. From the age of about 3 she taught me to read and write (she read to me a lot) and by the time I started school at 5 I could read fluently and my handwriting was neat and joined up. Both my GPs had beautiful handwriting. She was a skilled seamstress and so I was taught to sew, everything from embroidery to using her sewing machine, and it all had to be done to the highest standard - or redone! Drawing and painting was also among my 'lessons'. She wasn't really a warm cuddly grandmother, and she could be strict sometimes especially about the sewing machine(!) but I always knew she loved me. If I was too noisy, cheeky or disobedient she'd just point at me with a very stern look and that was enough to rein me in. I probably spent more time with my GM than with my Mum who was always working or busy with cooking and housework. My GF was a quiet man who rarely raised his voice or argued with my grandmother just to keep the peace. He would walk miles with me, despite severe rheumatism, and teach me about nature: animals, trees, country folklore etc. Both my GPs talked endlessly about their childhoods and their parents and siblings, so I have a lot of insight into my family history. They were in their 70s when I was born and it must have been quite a shock to be involved in the daily care of a baby at that age, especially as neither of them had had much hands-on experience with their own children - they had a nursemaid/maid and a cook for that! They were married for nearly 60 years and never spent a night apart.

Sadly I never met my paternal grandparents and only know their names.

Now that we are grandparents our only house rules are
Be polite
Please and Thank Yous are expected
Don't slam the doors
Be kind
and Keep the volume down!! (not easy when they're all here)

We don't see our GC very often so I don't impose too many rules, we want them to have happy memories of us. They all love coming to us so I guess they can tolerate us.