Grandmother's rules.

Oh and both my granny and grandma were just gorgeous, cuddly, lovely grand-mothers who I adored and lost too soon (7 for one and 14 for t’other)

Very relaxed however won’t tolerate rudeness and no “please” and “thank yous” whinging, (he’s 8!) saying “ no I won’t!” And teasing the dogs oh and littering indoors or outside ! We do have lots of fun though and when he comes here say, good, activities all geared around him

Both my grandmothers were lovely. My dad's mum was more inclined to spoil and dished up cream cakes etc. My mum's mum was a Victorian-born 1899. She lived to be 90 and had an incredible life. She was not particularly strict and she embraced modern life. She was the first in the family to fly (before jet engines) and said it was a "bit bumpy sometimes" She was widowed in her late 50s, worked as a waitress and a bar maid and spent her money on lovely holidays including travel abroad. She had a few offers of marriage I think but her opinion was "men just want a skivvy!". I don't think I realised quite how amazing she was until after she died.

I didn't know any of my grandparents! My mom was 36 when I was born and my father 49. My maternal grandma was 42 and thought she was on the change of life.

I'm very relaxed with my grandchildren. I stick to my eldest son and DiL guidelines generally and enjoy my time with them.

I have them once a week on a Saturday and extra in the school holidays where needed as both son and DiL work so care is shared with my DiL mom whom I'm close with.

DiL mom and I were both widowed young within a year of each other which has brought us closer

My son and daughter in law have two rules at home for their children which I adhere to when they're here. "share and be kind". They are lovely, well behaved and confident little souls.

I follow my daughter's wishes regarding dgs who is three but there are rules here that are rules for gangan's house that dd might not necessarily have or be more flexible with at her house. Dd knows that I am more strict than she might be, because I always have been. She knows that I always treat dgs kindly regardless and sees nothing wrong with him learning that different people have different expectations and you need to bear that in mind depending on who you are with.
So here all food is eaten at the table and once you leave the table the food is gone and you have finished. There is no second bite of the cherry.
We use indoor voices in this house even when playing, if you want to scream and shout you play in the garden.
Dgs doesn't question it at all, my rules are what he is used to when he is here so he doesn't find it difficult or get confused because they have always been the same. He often asks to come over so he can't find me too draconian anyway

To my great regret, I knew none of my grandparents - only one horrible step-grandmother, with whom I enjoyed a mutual loathing. We have not had our grandchildren to stay on their own yet (three of them live out of the country). I think we would be stricter about table manners if we did.

Its lovely getting a glimse of others memories of grandparents. I had a Gran who was cruel with her words and actions and a Grandma who showed me nothing but love, encouragement and was fun. We baked together , played card games and had impromptu picnics in the local countryside. We stayed up late drinking milky sweet cocoa and making toast on an open fire.
When mine are here they do get away with the odd bit of mischief. We might snuggle up and watch tv in bed. We bake at the drop of a hat. We get the paints out on the dining table and snack on our laps. We go out in the garden after dark in our pj's and make faces at each other under torch light. Simple daft little things that I pray will stay in their memories forever as fond memories.

Just this: Oma (Grandma) is NOT a morning person, and does not engage in play until she's had her coffee, shower and got dressed, and certainly not before 8am.

No eating in my car .....drinking water only in my car ......their parents cars are always being valeted as there are food stains everywhere 🙄

it was not that my granmothers had rules, more that I instinctively knew what behaviour was expected of me.

I had nice grandma and nasty grandma, although I did not put it in those words at the time. My maternal grandmother's house was destroyed in the blitz, so she lived with us until I was 4. But it was my mother who was in the firing line if we children were not up to scratch, not us. I adored her, was close to her and was devastated when she died when I was 14.

My paternal grandmother did not approve of my mother, My mother was pretty and vivacious, dressed stylishly, wore make-up and went to plays written or acted in by Noel Coward, the epitome (to my grandmother) of immorality and she was not past insinuating that my mother was no better than she needed to be.

My younger sister and I spent most of our holidays with her, and other family members for three years when we were coming up to O & Alevels, when my father, in the army was posted to Malaya. I was far too like my mother and got regulary squashed or put down verbally by my grandmother. My younger sister was quieter, although no less determned and strong willed, so was preferred, but this never stopped my sister springing to my defence if my grandmother criticised me in my absence.

My grandmother’s rules could be summed up as “Remember your manners” and “Please do as I ask without arguing.” We lived with my GP for quite a lot of my early childhood.
They never seemed too onerous.
For my DGC the rules are much the same, and other rules follow what DDs ask.
I guess I use the phrase “If you want to . . . then” It seems to work.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I envy you all that had relationships with grandparents. My maternal ones died very young, leaving my mum and aunt as orphans. My paternal grandmother died young, and maternal grandfather died before we could meet him. I was around 12 at the time; we were in Canada and he was in France.

I thing I have a good relationship with my G; and yes I have rules at my house.

Just the other day I asked my granddaughter (6) if she was born in a barn; she started eating a sandwich on a plate without putting a placemat down on the table, nor did she have a napkin! I had made the sandwich, but not set the table yet, and turned around to find her already eating it.

She had a giggle, but it is one of the rituals at my house that she quite enjoys, setting the table even if it is a quick meal.

No visiting GC for us biglouise but I wanted to thank you for your OP and sharing your memories of your fabulous grandmother.

Like LRavenscroft I'd have loved to have met her too.

Neither of my GMs was at all strict, and I don’t think I am, either, not that I really need to be, since the Gdcs are usually pretty good.

We didn’t live near either set of GPs, so didn’t see them that often, but tea at my paternal GM’s house was always a treat - she’d buy things we never had at home, except maybe for birthday parties. Dairylea triangles! Penguin Biscuits! Wagon Wheels! And always orange jelly with mandarin oranges in.

After that GM died, I took the glass orange jelly dish - it wasn’t particularly beautiful, but such memories.
I was really upset when dh broke it.😥

Auntieflo, you made me laugh with your “back of beyond” comment about Hounslow. When I was a child we lived in London and my Mum’s mother, my Nanny, lived in Ashford not far from Staines.
I know she went there occasionally during the war but can’t really remember it, but from just after when we went fairly regularly it seemed like an enormously long journey to get there. Also it was very old fashioned. Mains drainage hadn’t arrived at Nanny’s house then and it wasn’t till quite some time after the war when my aunt inherited the house that she had an indoor, upstairs bathroom put in. Before that there was an outside toilet built on to the back of the scullery.Very cold and spooky in the dark We never used the front living room then either, we always sat in the dining room which was less formal and very homely.
Apparently when the parish priest came to visit, my grandfather would escape over the windowsill and down the side of the house as the PP came into the front door. PP had a reputation of settling in for a long chat.

MissAdventure

I have a fair few rules, although "some people" grandsons seem to take less and less notice as time goes on.

I'm permissive in some ways, I suppose, but I really dislike spoiled children if it means they dominate everyone. (Or try to)

On that we agree MissA I cannot abide children who think the family and world revolves them.

I have a fair few rules, although "some people" grandsons seem to take less and less notice as time goes on.

I'm permissive in some ways, I suppose, but I really dislike spoiled children if it means they dominate everyone. (Or try to)

My grandmother did of course live through two world wars and saw a lot of trajegy. Her only son (who was always delicate) died age 18 of TB. There was no cure for it in those days. My grandfather died young (flu epidemic) and left her a widow in her early 60s so she lived 30+ years as a widow. She always compared herself with the Queen Mum and in many ways she was like her. The iron hand in the velvet glove.

I often asked her to tell me stories of when she was young, saying "What was it like in the olden days?" and she would tell me how strict her parents were.

My grandmother and I had a very special relationship. My mother fell pregnant with me when she was seeing another man behind the back of her fiance, who was off on active service. That was considered a dreadful thing to do during WWII. She eloped with my birth father who was of a different social class. In the custom of the times they "had" to get married so I would be "born in wedlock". Whereas when my sister came along 7 years later her birth was planned. My grandmother observed shrewdly that this (my unplanned birth) probably accounted for my being the "black sheep" and my sister the "golden princess". Grandma never had the same close relationship with my sister.

MawtheMerrier says it all for me.
My Nan was a lot of fun and lovely. Her 5 children all lived very close in the same street and they were the same.
They all spoilt us.
I’m afraid I do spoil my grandchildren. And I make no excuses for it.

I didn’t know my maternal grandparents, or my paternal grandad. But my paternal grandma was lovely, she lived my the sea, took us cockling, we went fishing, lived on the beach during the summer. I don’t recall any specific rules.
As others, we know my daughters expectation of our grandchildren, they’re a delight.

biglouis, I love the sound of your grandmother and of your visits. There's a lot to be said for knowing exactly where you are with someone. Sounds brilliant.

biglouis

My grandmother had very strict rules. Bear in mid that she was born in the age of Victoria and remained an Edwardian lady until the end of her life. Her rules began with the premise that "children should be seen and not heard" and one did not argue with my grandmother. On the few occasions I ever answered back she would say"Hoity toity, Miss." and tell me I should respect my "elders ad betters."

To begin with the timing of visits was strictly regulated. No "popping in". "Come for afternoon tea, two til four" meant exactly that regardless of whether you were a child or an adult, a relative or a friend. My gran had a clock which chimed the hour. At four oclock she would stand up and say "Time for my nap. Thank you for visiting. Ill show you out." This left no room for objection that the visit was over.

For children like myself there was a rule for afternoon tea that sandwiches were eaten first. No cakes were allowed until you had eaten your sandwich. And no second cake until you finished the first. Another of my grandmothers sayings was about the"starving children in Africa".

When I was a small child I was taken to visit my gran by an aunt, who sat and chatted while I played with my dolls on grandma's whatnot. When I grew old enough to visit myself I was not allowed to just sit and chat. Grandma had a saying about the devil making work for idle hands. She would ask "Have you brought your mending child?"

By this she did not necessarily mean mending. Sewing, embroidery, crochet or knitting were all allowed. My grandmother also taught me how to darn socks, unravel old wool garments, make rag rugs and many other skills. If I did not bring some "work" to occupy me then she would very soon find something for me to do, such as holding out my hands while she wound up recycled wool into a neat ball.

Despite these "rules" I always enjoyed visiting my grandmother. You knew exactly where you were and what you were supposed to do. When I grew into adulthood she was the one to whom I went for advice. We did not always agree. But she would listen and then give me her opinion.

Some times she agreed when I didnt expect her to. Like the time I explained that I was consdering giving up my job as a librarian and returning to education because my qualifications had become outdated. She said "If this is what you feel you need to do to get on in life then thats what you must do."

Not long after this conversation my gran died suddenly of a massive heart attack. She was 96. One of my greatest regrets in life is that she did not live long enough to see me go to university and graduate with a 1st. She would have loved the ceremony and the formality.

Do you have "rules" or boundaries for when your grandchildren visit?

I really think I would have loved to meet your grandmother. She sounds like just my kind of lady. You knew where you were and when you think of the kind of changes they would have seen from their childhood to when they were very elderly, it must have been amazing. My grandmother went through two world wars based in London. She was such an interesting lady and had so many stories to tell. I still love spending my time with ladies in their 90s as they are such good company and I love serving them with tea and cake and helping them in any way I can.

I try and cut my nearly sixteen year old only grandchild a lot of slack when it comes to rules here because he has enough rules at home. He knows I have boundaries, mostly regarding meals and mobile phones, but he’s good fun, loves to come here and I love to have him. I only remember one of my grandparents and she was rather distant (in manner) so I didn’t like her much. My father didn’t like her either! All I seem to remember about her is her constantly saying to my mother “when are you ever going to make that child wear a dress?” I wanted, and have had, a much better relationship with my grandson.