Hypochondriac?

Probably don't ask someone how they are if you don't want the truthfully answer.

One of my friends does this to me .
I've known her for about three plus years .
First of all , I had months of her dental problems with one tooth .
Recently, she's told me that she's very ill .
I've bought chocolates and flowers and gone to her house - only to meet her laughing and chatting in the street twice .
I thought that she was bed bound .

I've had a really bad week with my father.
He was increasingly irritable then confused .
It took me ten hours to get him into A and E .
I had no sleep for 36 hours plus .
I've explained his condition over and over again .
The consultant sent me home .
I related this in brief to my friend .
She's more concerned with buying the right size cosmetics for a relative .
She left me unable to get out of my seat in the cinema earlier this year . And left me to struggle to get home .

Some people are just completely self engrossed .
One thing , I've decided she definitely isn't a person that I'd like to holiday with or even spend a weekend with .

Yammy

I think a lot of us have led such boring lives in the last few years we have nothing to talk about but health or family when we meet people who we haven't seen for a while.
Also, who wants to hear about someone's fabulous holiday or plans for one when they are perhaps waiting for a hip replacement?
When we were young and optimistic we put health to the back of our minds unless it was really serious.
If someone starts to talk to me about ailments I listen for a while and then find an excuse to politely move on or put the phone down.

I met a new lady the other day at my WI. She seemed to be quite matronly and I thought we would be in for an 'I know better' type but she has turned out to be the most delightful lady, her eyes light up and she listens with care when someone speaks, she responds with a pleasant reply or anecdote. She has experienced a few of life's darker sides which she briefly shared to put us in the picture but I really look forward to next time we meet.

My mother definitely suffered from Munchausens. We learned to dread family get togethers, parties and day our in case mum had one of her "wobblers". I recognise now that they were panic attacks but she revelled in the attention of doctors, nurses and indeed anyone who would listen to her symptoms. There was no googling back then (thank heavens) but she had medical books in which she would look up symptoms.

Thank heavens there were no smart phones or texting. However when anything went wrong, or she had a medical appointment or hospital visit would sit by the phone for hours and make sure that every family member got a blow by blow account of it. By then I was living in another city. I made up a job which took me abroad every two weeks so I could get off with just calling once a month to hear the latest episode.

My DSis is like this. When I ring her I get at least an hour of how ill she is, all the tests she's had, medication she's on etc. Then it's the same record every time we speak. Never asks how we are ever. She is genuinely ill but her illness is her whole world and the main topic of every conversation whenever you visit too. You just hear the same thing over and over. I think some people just become preoccupied with their health and can't think of anyone or anything else.

Some people would probably call me negative but I call it being realistic. If there’s a problem I have to think about the worst that can happen and sort out in my head how I would deal with it. Then I can move on knowing I could deal with the worst scenario. Forewarned is forearmed! But I don’t bore others with health stories . If someone is ill I wouldn’t make light of it. I usually say “I’m sorry you are having a bad time”.

Just because he is of working age doesn’t mean he doesn’t have ill health. Perhaps he needed some reassurance from a ‘friend’!

LizzieDrip

^Hypochondria is actually an illness in itself!
It must be hideous to always think there is something
wrong with yourself, I hope I would have sympathy
for some one who is constantly worrying about their
health.^

I agree! In fact the term ‘hypochondria’ is rarely used (particularly in a clinical setting) because of its ‘negative’ connotations. People who exhibit such behaviour are probably suffering from health anxiety. And I use the word ‘suffering’ specifically here because health anxiety is a terrible illness. Like any mental health issue, it’s not a behavioural ‘choice’ and IMO it’s extremely unkind to dismiss it as such. To the original poster I say this, if your friend had broken his leg, was in plaster and in terrible pain, would you consider him a ‘hypochondriac’ or ‘self absorbed’? Just because an illness isn’t visible doesn’t mean it’s any less serious.

Totally agree with this. It’s Health Anxiety and is debilitating .

The point about hypochondriacs is that they rarely have anything wrong with them but like to talk about themselves.

People who are seriously ill frequently respond to a query with a dismissive 'same as usual; no change; just living with it' and change the subject, because they are living with it. I usually say: I will ask just once, how are you, really?' and it is up to them to tell me or not. The hypochondriac can't wait to tell you they have the same symptoms only worse; I don't know how they can be so crass.

Thisisme

This has made me think. I have been telling everyone who will listen that I have chest pains, have been referred to Cardiology Clinic for tests but with a 6 month wait for an appointment. I will try not to mention it again - it will be a very long 6 months.

Sorry to hear. It's quite normal to want to talk about a health issue that really concerns you. Not sure how old you are, but ti seems from your comment that it is a recent thing- so you have not been talking on and on about it for years and years. I think this thread is about people who do, and talk about nothing else. And never ask others how they are either.

I you talk about your concerns- this it totally normal. But perhaps stop yourself after a while and ask others how they are, and take time to listen.

Hope you won't have to wait that long.

I think a lot of people suffer from health anxiety particularly since covid, or it seems people are talking about it a lot more, I haven’t got good health and two rare illnesses one is chronic but I don’t dwell on it despite monthly blood tests for rest of my life, I just don’t want to be defined by my illnesses, I’m much more than that, I also think it really doesn’t do you any good to keep harping on about illness so I try and not think about mine too much, take each day as it comes and tell people that ask how I am that I’m fine lol, I find also that when people say how are you they don’t want a five min conversation about your illness, 🤣

This has made me think. I have been telling everyone who will listen that I have chest pains, have been referred to Cardiology Clinic for tests but with a 6 month wait for an appointment. I will try not to mention it again - it will be a very long 6 months.

We all have a few acquaintances and even family and friends who are like that. It is actually much much worse for anyone who is medically trained. You have to learn to deflect the conversation!

I have a friend who lives abroad and she talks about almost nothing else but her health. She’s had numerous tests but they can’t find anything wrong. On the other hand I’ve had a hip replacement and a heart attack this year, does she ask how I am? However, I try to be patient as my late sister in law was the same and for many years complained about one thing after another. The family would often joke about her so, when she did complain about pains etc, none of us took her very seriously, including her doctor but, that time she really was I’ll with cancer and sadly died not long after. Of course we all felt terrible for not believing her.

I have a 'friend', who really enjoys whatever ill health she has or imagines she has. She also has whatever it is worse than anyone else or that the doctors have ever seen, or so she thinks. She was most indignant at the Dr saying they had no appts free for a month when she phoned them yet again, and then her husband being given an appointment the next day, and feels that she has been labelled a hypochondriac. Umm....
There was a less than lovely outburst from her in a group of us, one of whom had terminal cancer, where she criticised cancer patients getting priority over her!
She is apparently in some sort of health data survey, where she was told she didn't have a certain condition she was convinced she had, so she took up GP time for repeat tests, knowing this wasn't necessary, when other people are struggling to get GP appts.
Our mutual friends have ceased to have much to do with her, and I am keeping contact to a lesser extent nowadays.
Sorry for the grumble, but she is very exasperating.

My sister in law is 92 years old, although she is frail she has nothing seriously wrong with her yet in the 50 years I have known her she must have had every test available on the NHS, many more than once. She was furious during lockdown because she couldn't get to see a GP, proudly telling me that in 2019 she'd had 39 appointments. I now find it hard to sympathise as many older friends and family are being diagnosed with serious illnesses. Personally I think she should have had counseling years ago.

For me there is a connection between catastrophising and hypochondria. Definitely.

That's it exactly Hollysteers. You seem to have had a similar upbringing to me. I fail to see a bright side mostly.

I have learned not to ask certain people "How are you?". That having been said, for some, it is actually some sort of status symbol to be able to say how expensive their healthcare is - they know how much each docgtor charges, they know the names of most medications, and illnesses and their symptoms. Sadly, they have nothing else with which to occupy their time and mind.

I think a lot of us have led such boring lives in the last few years we have nothing to talk about but health or family when we meet people who we haven't seen for a while.
Also, who wants to hear about someone's fabulous holiday or plans for one when they are perhaps waiting for a hip replacement?
When we were young and optimistic we put health to the back of our minds unless it was really serious.
If someone starts to talk to me about ailments I listen for a while and then find an excuse to politely move on or put the phone down.

Oh yes EssPee… I have a lifelong friend who phoned me every day as she’s on her own …. she us absolutely self absorbed hypochondriac ….she calls the doctor at least twice a week AND astonishingly gets an appointment on the same day!!!! I haven’t been able to secure a face to face app for 2 years….. I haven’t had a blood test form sent to have the usual ‘overhaul’ and have not been called for the stroke clinic ( usually annually) …it’s like we’ve been ‘cut adrift’ . But my friend is manic. You answer the phone and she says “how are you”….you try to say something and she’s straight back onto herself , and it goes on and on and on!!
A common cold is a crisis to her , which she then turns into a drama!!
I once got a word into the conversation and said “ I broke my leg yesterday” ( I hadn’t) … after an 2 second “oh dear”…she then went on to tell me that her foot felt very painful ‘as well’ and I didn’t realise how much she is suffering!! Since that day (6 months) she hasnt mentioned my ‘broken leg’ asked how I was coping with looking after my husband with Alzheimer’s , or anything.!! The most childish, self absorbed individual I’ve ever known.

My ex mum in law goes on at length about their health troubles (her & hubbys) whenever we ring so grandson can speak to them- (they dont live near us) and more recent his own dad to has had 'tests' for something that he never seems to determine what it is- i find it all a bit galling when they know myself and my sons all have had medical issues & disabilities of our own for years- their own grandson was born extremely early and so has had hospital tests & regular visits with numerous consultants etc over the years and hes still struggling and coping with it all- yet they act like theyre the only ones who have ever had anything wrong with them- and never even ask my son how HIS health is or how HE is doing🤨I try to sympathise with them but i can see why my son doesnt really want to phone them anymore.

^Hypochondria is actually an illness in itself!
It must be hideous to always think there is something
wrong with yourself, I hope I would have sympathy
for some one who is constantly worrying about their
health.^

I agree! In fact the term ‘hypochondria’ is rarely used (particularly in a clinical setting) because of its ‘negative’ connotations. People who exhibit such behaviour are probably suffering from health anxiety. And I use the word ‘suffering’ specifically here because health anxiety is a terrible illness. Like any mental health issue, it’s not a behavioural ‘choice’ and IMO it’s extremely unkind to dismiss it as such. To the original poster I say this, if your friend had broken his leg, was in plaster and in terrible pain, would you consider him a ‘hypochondriac’ or ‘self absorbed’? Just because an illness isn’t visible doesn’t mean it’s any less serious.

Both my MIL and FIL were hypochondriacs. We used to laugh every week when their sole topic of conversation was how ill they were or which friends had had an operation. My MIL lived to be 100, FIL to 101.

eazybee

I am always surprised to receive Christmas cards with graphic updates on people's health.
Most of us have concerns about our health, particularly as we age, but we don't find it necessary to dominate conversation with regular accounts of usually imaginary symptoms.
I think it is more attention-seeking than genuine fear; these people are rarely, if ever, seriously ill.

I agree, but I cannot deny that a great amount of people apparently do find their health or that of others a fascinating topic of conversation,

The reasons can be many and various, as already noted.

When button-holed by one of the breed who can only talk about one topic, I tend to say, "That must be hard for you." or "Yes, there are a shocking number of sad things going on. That's why I don't read newspapers any more" as applicable and walk away.

I rarely receive Christmas cards in the form of a medical journal,or a critique on the state of the nation, perhaps as a result of these tactics