Are you put off from visiting?

I understand your problem. We always used to stay with DS's MiL, until COVID struck and we began to use hotels

Unfortunate DS and family live in a 'historic city' very popular with tourists and a regional centre, so hotel/B&B accommodation is very expensive all year round and after our last visit we were combing hotels etc up to 20 miles away to try and find affordable accommodation. Thankfully MiL has said she is really happy to provide accommodation again, so our problem is solved, but I really sympathise with the OP

I think it is a question as how often in the year, you make the journey and whether the arrangement is reciprocal, do they come down to you as often as you go upto them - and can you afford it?

As for I'm surprised at people who stay in a hotel, rather than with family, even if it's a bit of a squash I am (nearly) speechless). Two adults and two children of 10 and over in a two bedroomed flat? Especially if the grandparents have any health or movement problems. 6 or more people in a house with only one loo - and that in the bathroom,

Personally, I have reached a stage, where after a lovely day with all the chaos of family life. I find it a relief to go somewhere quiet for the night. Families live very busy lives, sometimes it is easier for them if they can ask us not to come round until 10.00am, after DGD has been taken to ballet and DGS has gone to his drama class.

We always stayed with grandparents and also stay with DD but they had more space and facilities. DS and family do not and DH's medical problems require space and peace at night.

Depends on what you can do if you don't visit. If you can have a lovely Christmas without the upheaval and cost, stay home. Otherwise put up with the negatives and go. We entertain our lovely family nearly every Christmas and Boxing Day. Such a treat when our eldest daughter does one of the days but the Covid year, when we couldn't have all the family round we had a lovely Christmas. Fabulous as a one off but prefer to be with them at Christmas despite the hard work!

Riggie, I answered that earlier.

Re OP. I’ve been heartened to know how many people would goof they could, despite the huge increases in fuel costs.

If my estranged (her choice !) daughter ever asked me to visit her, the husband and grandchild I have never met, I would gladly do so !

Going back to the OP - my friend’s daughter pays her train fare when she visits, so might your DD be able to help you out with some costs?

My in laws visit their DD and her family fat christmas and the hotel stay is the family's Christmas present to them

Whilst you may have to bite the bullet this time as it is so close, could I suggest something for next year? I am very involved in Swaledale festival, with concerts walks etc etc. I know a few families who come to this and so meet up with the rest of their family and share time and some concerts together but do their own thing too . They have a core 2/3 days when they will all be there together, but some parts come a bit earlier or stay a bit later. There are options for hotels , camping b@b and teepees so it gives the chance to have whatever accommodation suits different parts of the families. It allows time to be spent with other cousins or grandchildren and let the sons and daughters have a little time to themselves if grandparents perhaps take the children to something one day. Result is that you have seen everyone, no one has had to give up all their time going round the family in turn, you have enjoyed some things together and still have some free time to do things you want to do, and you are not responsible for all the catering. If there is no festival you fancy just perhaps again one part of the family with children might rent a cottage at an off peak time and then the grandparents can again stay b and b or whatever. Think this allows you more special family time at less cost and still allows families to use their own routines You might find that other parts of the family like this idea instead of so much pressure all at one time. You might also do a bit of preparation for this conversation by talking about friends of your own age you are no longer doing x or y as they are finding it too much these days etc. When we all make such an effort to be helpful and fit in with others , we often dont tell them how difficult it has been or how long it takes you these days to get ready and go, and of course , more than that I find it is the recovery time needed as I get older that makes the difference . Might make the journey ok but need a couple of peaceful days when I get there to revive!Children as they get older really want to stay near their friends and be with them, so actually you may all agree that you meet at a warmer time of year and can ring each other up or facetime or whatever and just enjoy spending your christmas day doing what you enjoy and the others do too. Best wishes with whatever you do

I'm lucky as I can usually stay with DS when visiting. However I'm hoping to move nearer to see more of them and my grandchildren. Although moving is expensive and a huge upheaval, I have the advantage of moving North so house prices are much lower so I'll go from having a small mortgage to being mortgage free and having money in the bank. Of course they could end up moving away in the future but hopefully I'll be settled and building a new life by the time that happens and the money in the bank will enable me to afford to travel if I need to. I sometimes envy friends with all their family nearby and regular contact with grandchildren but it is what it is. I'll be moving further away from DD but I will still be able to visit her and she will visit me. We all have to make our choices based on what is best for all concerned. If you can afford to visit, do it, but if not don't. Be honest about why as maybe your family could help out with alternative accommodation etc.

I would still go but if your daughter can't put you up, find somewhere cheaper to stay at.

Exactly my son lives in perth australia and I miss him and the grandchildren who I haven’t seen one of the boys due to cost which I haven’t got £3000 for flights alone for the two of us and I can’t go alone due to be disabled

StoneofDestiny

If I could afford it I’d prefer it - a peaceful sleep and lie in!
If I couldn’t afford it - I’d ask if they would pay for us instead of buying us a Christmas gift

Sensible.

If you stay in a B&B there is no need to get up early or go the bed late. Avoid wake-ups, breakfast, baths, bedtime - wastes of time and squashed in.

Time with family? Well worth it if you can afford it, if not see if they can help, never miss an opportunity, you don't know when the next will be

We have always stayed with our family when visiting - even if it means sleeping on a sofabed or in a child's bedroom with children doubling up with each other. It's much more friendly and relaxing, quite apart from saving money.

My family always put up each other even if it’s blow up beds on the floor. Great fun and adds to the stay

Our children gave their beds to grandparents. When they were younger then we did. We slept in the sitting room on an air bed. Could you approach them and ask if they could put you up?

Yes, I'd go but would ask to stay with them, would stay 2 days not 3 (enough for everyone!)

We were lucky and family always “do-able” driving for the day, however if I had friends come and visit, or relatives from abroad my children ALWAYS de-camped and gave up their rooms for a few days, not a lot to ask !

If I could afford it I’d prefer it - a peaceful sleep and lie in!
If I couldn’t afford it - I’d ask if they would pay for us instead of buying us a Christmas gift

Same problem for me in a different form - my son in Scotland has booked a very expensive venue for his wedding - his and her second marriage - in Scotland. In fact it is going to be more lavish than his first! I cannot drive the whole distance from Norfolk to Scotland in one go, so that’s two additional nights on top of the £180.00 per night at this place. And I fear he may invite my brother and sister who stole £18,000 from my inheritance. OH says if they are going he won’t. Which leaves me with a huge dilemma. I don’t want to spoil my son’s day, but he knows the problems I have had with B & S, and things will be extremely awkward.

I am in a similar position. My sister invited me for the pre Christmas weekend. But as she already had her children and other family members staying I was not invited to stay in the house and would have to find a hotel. As my husband is not popular with her he is not invited. So fir the sake of visiting family I would have a 3 hour journey each way by car and the expense of the hotel.

I felt rather hurt. So I am using the money saved by not going by treating my nephews and nieces to meals out around Christmas so that they can see both me and my husband. The first one of these went very well a few days back and we all had a great time.

There are two questions. Can you afford it and can you cope with the travelling? No to either or both means you shouldn't feel that you have to go. £500 plus other expenses is a huge amount of money.

If it is affordable go.
Before I became unable to travel (early 1980s). I visited my son who lived in California at that time every year and my niece in Barbados every year. Fortunately I could stay in their homes.
It was expensive to travel as I only had a small pension but pleased I did so.
However nowadays there is the internet. FaceTime, Messenger etc. So easy to keep in touch. My son, grand daughter greatgrand children now live a four hour drive away and I can no longer travel so I actually see him twice a year but we are on line almost daily.
When I was young we were lucky to visit our grandparents once a year and they didn’t even have a telephone. They only lived ten miles away.

Reading some posts, I’m so glad close family live in the UK otherwise my whole life would be spent saving up to visit.

Amelagra what motivates you to go?

Its what I would spend on a holiday, but its the best holiday in the world ;0)

If its affordable then dont miss out on seeing your family to save money