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Supporting a friend through her relationship break up

(5 Posts)
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Judy54 Fri 25-Nov-22 14:52:15

My friend's partner told her he no longer loved her and did not want to be with her and they subsequently broke up. She was then devastated to find out he had been having an affair for a number of years. She is starting to come to terms with this with love and support from her family and friends. The problem is he keeps on contacting her and she thinks perhaps he has realised his mistake and is slowly trying to rebuild a relationship with her. Part of her wants to get back with him and the other part is saying stay clear of him. Ultimately only she and he can make that decision but it is sad to see her hurting so much and not really knowing what to say to her. Can any of you offer any advice?

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Theexwife Fri 25-Nov-22 15:15:16

I would say as little as possible and not try to influence her decision, although would want to say that she will never fully trust him again.

If you are negative about him or the affair and they get back together you will be seen as a bad friend, if you support her with going back and it is miserable, you will be the bad friend.

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Hithere Fri 25-Nov-22 15:27:41

I am not sure how much you can do, except deciding how much exposure you want in this situation

It is up to her to get out of her denial - it is her call to make the best decision for herself, not between him and her

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Grandmabatty Fri 25-Nov-22 15:57:09

Do not offer advice one way or another as it may affect your friendship. Support her. You can always say "that's a hard decision you have to make." Listen to her and you could reply by summarising what she has said and asking her what she thinks she should do. You could suggest she draws up a pros and cons list then number the points in order of importance but don't try and persuade her one way or another

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silverlining48 Fri 25-Nov-22 16:30:21

I had a work colleague whose husband had an affair so their relationship broke up. She was brokenhearted. Trouble was he still kept coming round to see her, sweet talking her. This went on fir some years and she was not able to even begin to get over the break up.
I always thought he wanted the best of both worlds while he enjoyed his power over her.
That’s it really. Some men just like their cake and want to eat it too. In the end she saw sense and started to feel stronger as she got more confident.

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