Where are you from? Is it an insult?

Ah I've read a bit more now and see where the question is from.

I thought about it a bit more and the only time this really comes up for me is because I game online. So I speak to people I'm playing games with.

I get asked "where are you from", say UK and then probably say "you?" Which is how I met two ladies in their 50s from Sweden and Norway playing Fortnite.

I don't ever remember asking in person, I might say "where do you live?"

Changing it to "Where do you live" seems a better way forward

This is quite a shocking thread. Paint charts for the colour of the skin, a deliberate misunderstanding that this was not an innocent, "where are you from?" question but a sustained onslaught of the same question even when the question was answered, judgements about clothing and hair being over her badge, etc, etc. Honestly, it seems that educating people about racism has failed badly judging by this thread.

Accents are funny things a colleague in college had never been able to place my accent (but incidentally had never asked me) was talking on the phone to someone who had my exactly my accent and had to ask where she came from.
He then came to ask me where I was from and was amazed to find out that I originally hailed from the same area but in 20 years since having moved north never lost my accent at all.

I often ask people “where are you from” it’s always interesting to know, particularly as there are so many accents I cannot always pick up.

I was asked here in Austria yesterday where I was from. Because my German accent was soo good, he said I couldn't possibly be English. Now that is being cheeky about us Brits!

yggdrasil

For goodness sake, if you see the whole conversation, as overheard by several other people, it is quite clear Lady S was convinced a black woman couldn't be British. And kept on pressurising till she got an answer that suited her prejudices

One other person who seems to be a friend and a transcript from the complainant. No one can remember a conversation word for word. They will remember between 0 and 20% of the content depending on how long it is after it happened.

The only person this has benefited has been the complainant although I would now expect her to lose her job if she cannot deal with a conversation had in the company of so many people.

BlueBelle

Sago and others you ve lost the point completely and you’re not alone
There is absolutely nothing wrong or racist in asking someone where they are from, however if you continue and continue on and on trying to get a different answer to that being given there’s either something wrong with you or you have an agenda This woman had a pre conceived idea that the lady was African and was completely thrown when she said London so she asked again and was told the organisations name so she tried again and again even going as far as “NO where are your people from ?” she was irritated because she didn’t get the answer she was searching for So an innocent question was taken into a racist badgering
Can you see the difference ?

To add to that before the questioning she had reached over to move the lady’s hair so she could see her name badge that’s offensive in itself you DO NOT touch peoples hair face or anything else for any matter

She shouldn’t have been sacked that ll gain nothing she should have been put on an awareness course to teach her how to talk and act with people She was high handed acted as a over privileged person with little awareness of politeness or personal space

Were you there Blue Bell? So far, we have only heard from the complainant and a friend.

Another attendee did say SH asked him where he came from and when he said "currently Manchester" carried on the conversation without referring to it again.

NotTooOld

There seem to be murmurings that it was all a set-up anyway. The woman was wearing a wire?

Good old conspiracy theories.

yggdrasil

For goodness sake, if you see the whole conversation, as overheard by several other people, it is quite clear Lady S was convinced a black woman couldn't be British. And kept on pressurising till she got an answer that suited her prejudices

Doesn't fit the racist apologist message though, does it?

Sago, of course it’s not an insult. Let’s not be bowed down by a few people who make something bad out of everything. It’s called conversation. I’ve been asked several questions I didn’t want to answer which I thought intrusive, one how much do you earn, another, what happened to you husband then, I didn’t take offence but didn’t answer either. A response of I don’t talk about that or it’s private usually does it.

Forlornhope

I think there is a difference between asking ‘where are you from? in casual small talk, and asking out of rude curiosity because someone has a different accent or appearance.

While on holiday in the USA and black waiter asked if my companion and I were German. I found it quite funny. He said it was because he could understand us. I didn't tell him we couldn't understand his deep south English either. We worked it out between us. No one was "offended" by anything.

Many on here seem to set out to find any possible case of giving offence.

For goodness sake, if you see the whole conversation, as overheard by several other people, it is quite clear Lady S was convinced a black woman couldn't be British. And kept on pressurising till she got an answer that suited her prejudices

LOUISA1523

The queen used to ask people....'have you come far?' .... think thats probably a better conversation starter

Even that polite/ innocent comment would have been twisted by the racists under the bed brigade.

Esspee

I have been subjected to racism and am aware of the subtleties where you can be left in doubt as to the intentions of the perpetrator.
I would have assumed in this case that the questions were a clumsy attempt to find some sort of common ground along the lines of “I thought that was a Nigerian costume, we visited there in 2015 and so enjoyed touring your amazing country.”

Incidentally wasn’t the offended lady last in the limelight for saying that Meghan had been subjected to domestic abuse within the royal family?
She does seem to pick battles that raise her own profile doesn’t she. If I felt I had been subject to racist abuse I would have reported it to the organisers of the event. Not gone directly to the media.

You have summed up exactly how I feel about this.

Add to it that this lady runs her own charity so is presumably used to going out into the world and the challenges that brings. It doesn't pass the smell test as far as I'm concerned.

The queen used to ask people....'have you come far?' .... think thats probably a better conversation starter

vegansrock

Her parents might have been from the Caribbean, but her ancestors were taken as slaves from West Africa. She is not appropriating her own culture by using an African name. Her birth name was that of her ancestors’ white owner. Slaves had their identity crushed deliberately to make them property. If it was a “set up job” then the older lady played a blinder.

In that case you’d be forgiven for thinking she’d be proud to proclaim as such when asked. She was displaying her African heritage whilst stubbornly refusing to acknowledge it.

Suspect? Much.

I think it depends on the situation and circumstances at the time. I don't ask random questions when having a conversation.
On a touring holiday recently and having a meal in mixed company. Fellow travellers were all asking questions to get to know each other.

The word English probably comes from the Angles and was possibly Anglish originally. Presumably they looked German whatever that is along with the Saxons and Jutes

Her parents might have been from the Caribbean, but her ancestors were taken as slaves from West Africa. She is not appropriating her own culture by using an African name. Her birth name was that of her ancestors’ white owner. Slaves had their identity crushed deliberately to make them property. If it was a “set up job” then the older lady played a blinder.

aaarrrggghhh

Sorry. I was overcome.

There seem to be murmurings that it was all a set-up anyway. The woman was wearing a wire?

VioletSky

I don't think I've ever asked that? I'm not sure

Maybe if I heard an accent I didn't recognise

If you don't ask an Australian, then they'll soon tell you!!

From every area of the globe, from 50,000 years ago to First Fleeters to £10 Poms, 1950s European immigrants to last year's arrivals, they'd probably be upset if you didn't ask.

I don't think I've ever asked that? I'm not sure

Maybe if I heard an accent I didn't recognise

Esspee

.

This is a PAINT CHART!! 😳

DaisyAnne

Casdon

I’d be more likely to say ‘Tell me a bit about yourself’ and see where that led us, than a specific question about where they were from, as lots of people are sensitive - it’s easier to let them volunteer some information and build a conversation from there.

That sounds more like a first date (long ago, before I knew better) than normal small talk. A bit full on for me.

"Where are you from" in its many guises, is the staple of small talk. I wonder how many ways it is asked in a day.

Really? I’ve started conversations like that forever and it’s never been interpreted as a first date, nor as full on. It’s all in the asking of course rather than what you say. I don’t think I’ve ever asked anybody where they were from as a conversation opener - I might have said ‘how did you get here today?’ though, expecting them to say if they had come by train, bus, car or whatever.

How does one "look English"?