Where are you from? Is it an insult?

I still don't know why one would assume that a question about where your family originally came from is racist. I have friends from all over the world and many of them look or sound very "un-English", though many are now British nationals. I don't believe that any of them have any objections to people asking about where their families originally came from, indeed most of them enjoy speaking to people about their background, be it African, Australasian or whatever.
I also have British friends with regional accents who get asked the same questions by non-native English speakers which they find very entertaining.
As I said before SH appears to have been heavy handed, but she has been speaking to people from many backgrounds through all of her life and does not appear to have been in trouble for her actions before.

tickingbird

^Got the proof of that? Proof that isn't uncorroborated Twitter ranting, that is.^

She’s black and she says that’s what happened. That is proof enough and to dispute it is racist. That’s how it works!!

When people of colour say they've experienced racism, yes, we believe them. Just like we should believe women when they say they've been raped.

Ngozi Fulani was born Marlene Headley in Britain of Caribbean background. She seems to be one who has a hair trigger where the subject of her racial category is concerned and Lady Hussey walked right into the pitfall of questioning her - albeit innocently. Ms. Fulani was dressed in a style that was redolent of Africa and has a name that is not typically European. Lady Hussey should not have pursued the matter quite as she did, but I would hardly call it offensive let alone abusive - merely insensitive. Storm in a teacup in the real world.
I have had an experience that gave me a sense of what she may have felt, sensitized as she must be by exposure to casual racism - and some not so casual - for years. I am white Caucasian, brown eyed with dark curly hair - nothing unusual but I was presumed in an inconsequential conversation to be Jewish by a lecturer at college. He meant no offence at all, and none was taken, but the surprise I felt was far greater than I would have expected. I felt alienated from the majority of other students in this man's eyes. He could have assumed I was many ethnicities or faiths, it wasn't to do with being thought Jewish. It was the knowledge that this chap, and maybe others whose views are unknown, had segregated me from the 'norm' based on the most flimsy assumptions. Tolerance and understanding are the foundations of good manners.

Ah OK.

Is it the woman who ranted about 4 different charities on Twitter and said that none of them helped her? The woman who said she has an Irish mother and that's why they all hate her? The woman who said even her adopted parents had let her down?

Just wondering.

Got the proof of that? Proof that isn't uncorroborated Twitter ranting, that is.

She’s black and she says that’s what happened. That is proof enough and to dispute it is racist. That’s how it works!!

tickingbird

There’s a woman relating her experience of Ms Headley/Fulani. When she went to her ‘charity’ for help she was treated appallingly - why? Not black enough apparently. Her mother’s white.

Well well. Now there’s some genuine racism for you.

Do you refer to the Royal Family as the Windsors/Saxe-Coburg-Gotha's?

tickingbird

There’s a woman relating her experience of Ms Headley/Fulani. When she went to her ‘charity’ for help she was treated appallingly - why? Not black enough apparently. Her mother’s white.

Well well. Now there’s some genuine racism for you.

I'd be interested to read the woman's account - do you have a link?

Six of one half a dozen of the other.

tickingbird

There’s a woman relating her experience of Ms Headley/Fulani. When she went to her ‘charity’ for help she was treated appallingly - why? Not black enough apparently. Her mother’s white.

Well well. Now there’s some genuine racism for you.

Got the proof of that? Proof that isn't uncorroborated Twitter ranting, that is.

That doesnt excuse whatserface, though.
Lady Susan.

There’s a woman relating her experience of Ms Headley/Fulani. When she went to her ‘charity’ for help she was treated appallingly - why? Not black enough apparently. Her mother’s white.

Well well. Now there’s some genuine racism for you.

Lyng17

volver

In my view, Lady Susan committed a racist act. Because she treated a woman of colour differently to how she would have treated a white woman.

You may disagree with my view. (But you'd be wrong 🤷🏼)

How do you know she wouldn't ask a white woman who was dressed to reflect her heritage the same questions?

Would she have hounded her?

Would she have questioned the fact she was British, after she'd been told she was British?

Would she have asked when she came here, after being told she was British?

By the way, it wasn't a "valid" question. If someone tells you they are British, from Hackney, they could be dressed in anything they like. It's none of your business why.

Callistemon21

I'm only insulted if someone asks where I'm from then starts mimicking what they think should be my accent.
It happened not long ago.

Did you rush home and type out the conversation verbatim for Twitter?

I'm only insulted if someone asks where I'm from then starts mimicking what they think should be my accent.
It happened not long ago.

volver

In my view, Lady Susan committed a racist act. Because she treated a woman of colour differently to how she would have treated a white woman.

You may disagree with my view. (But you'd be wrong 🤷🏼)

How do you know she wouldn't ask a white woman who was dressed to reflect her heritage the same questions?

Philippa111

I think people of colour, born in this country, get fed up with the question as they feel British and that comment make them feel 'other' and I support them in finding that offensive. As a 'white' person I do not know how it must feel to be singled out all the time as 'black' and therefor different and in some subtle way not belonging.
I don't think people mean to be racist but its something to become aware of.
I have also asked people with a foreign accent where they have come from...and I stress that point.. they have a foreign accent.

I ask it as a way of trying to make them feel welcome and that local people take an interest in them and their culture but in this current overly PC time, perhaps that's wrong and that's sad.

Yes, my soon to be son-in-law does get a bit weary about being asked where he's from. He replies with his public school version of a Mancunian accent, smiles sweetly and asks them where they're from. My daughter is pondering what surname to use after they get married because she's witnessed the casual racism her boyfriend experiences.

So, after asking the first time, this person didn't have the grace to realise that it wasn't something to keep on about?

Poorly educated, I'd guess.

Daisymae

This incident was at an international event. There were people from all over the world present. Strikes me that this was not an unreasonable question to someone who was attending. Blown out of all proportion. Plus I do think that it would be interesting to the other side of this story.

And as someone else has said she wasn't exactly dressed like she came from Hackney so it's a valid question. If I went in that outfit I would expect people to be curious about my background.

why did she mention she'd been to France?

I think we should be clear that asking someone where they come from, if for instance they have a foreign accent, is perfectly fine.

If they tell you they are British, and are from Hackney, don't then ask them where they are really from. They've told you. They are British, from Hackney.

If you keep asking them, it shows that you think they are not really British. "No, where are you REALLY from?" There might be any number of reasons why you think that. But unless you are an immigration official on the job, it doesn't matter. They've told you they are British, end of. You don't badger them and make them think you don't believe them.

I am half-Irish. My mother grew up in Bermondsey where signs saying 'No Irish, No children, No dogs' were endemic.

I am prepared to tell anyone who asks, where my family come from, where in Ireland and when we came to the UK. I think the story of immigration is always fascinating. and I am proud that that story is in my past. it does not diminish my Britishness in any way.

I think people of colour, born in this country, get fed up with the question as they feel British and that comment make them feel 'other' and I support them in finding that offensive. As a 'white' person I do not know how it must feel to be singled out all the time as 'black' and therefor different and in some subtle way not belonging.
I don't think people mean to be racist but its something to become aware of.
I have also asked people with a foreign accent where they have come from...and I stress that point.. they have a foreign accent.

I ask it as a way of trying to make them feel welcome and that local people take an interest in them and their culture but in this current overly PC time, perhaps that's wrong and that's sad.

If I asked someone'where do you come from' I would be thinking in terms of where they lived in the UK and whether they had a had a long/short/easy/difficult journey to the place we were meeting each other.

If only Lady H had asked about Sistah Space. She should have known the purpose of the event and that why the guests were invited was to highlight their work with abused women. Wasn't she even a little bit curious about that issue?

Early on in my husband’s military career I was once asked by an officer’s wife where I was from. I responded with ‘Liverpool’ she responded with ‘ poor you’ and gave me a little pat on the arm.