DGS sleeping with parent

I find it odd that you assume this will continue "as he gets older".

In my childhood, lots of six year olds slept in a parent's bed either when they (the child) were ill, or as a treat. I never remember hearing of anyone who went on doing so much past the age of nine or thereabouts. Either the child stopped of his or her own accord, or was told "You are getting too old now for this babyish behaviour"

I think it's fine.

And nice that both your DS and ex-DIL have continued with the practice separately - now they're not together it can only add to your DGS's feelings of security as his parents are not together.

We used to joke about our sons, and daughters, being in our bed when they were in their teens. They weren't.

I'm a fan of co-sleeping. It makes for better quality sleep. In our experience anyway.

You might be a psychologist but you don’t appear to know much about young children.

It is up to the parents to arrange the sleeping arrangements

I am afraid that your credentials do not have any weight here unless the parents were not related to you (conflict of interest) and they sought up your counsel

I don't like co sleeping unless the child is ill or upset. At six years old I wouldn't expect it for any other reasons.

I actually ran an early childhood program for 25 years. When I was training at university I was taught that children should sleep in their own beds for a number of reasons but that became controversial when a lot of literature evolved regarding what was called “the family bed” - similar to some of Bruno Bettelheim’s theories regarding maternal bonding and Freud’s theories of the Oedipal and Electra complexes being debunked by modern psychologists. That’s why I posed the question - that is, wondering if my training is outdated.

MerylStreep

You might be a psychologist but you don’t appear to know much about young children.

Ooh, a bit harsh there Meryl!

He'll decide for himself when he doesn't want to sleep in with his parents. My son would get into bed with me every morning for a snuggle right up until he was 13. One morning he stopped and never did it again. Nothing was said, he just worked it out for himself.

Cosleeping is much more common in eastern cultures than western ones

One thing with research and training is that apart from becoming outdated (not saying yours is), it may work for the majority, but some parents may pick other choices that adapt to their own special circumstances

Nanamar

I actually ran an early childhood program for 25 years. When I was training at university I was taught that children should sleep in their own beds for a number of reasons but that became controversial when a lot of literature evolved regarding what was called “the family bed” - similar to some of Bruno Bettelheim’s theories regarding maternal bonding and Freud’s theories of the Oedipal and Electra complexes being debunked by modern psychologists. That’s why I posed the question - that is, wondering if my training is outdated.

I've no idea if your training is outdated but our own thoughts and practices as parents and grandparents change over time.

As to sleepting arrangements - you probably would have been more concerned had your DGS recently taken up sleeping with a parent at the weekend, either at his own or the parent's instigation, following the marital break-up.

As it is, they are continuing with what they've always done and at the present time I suspect it's the right thing to do.

All over the world, families share beds, so I think we're unusual in having separate beds and, often, rooms as standard here in the UK. When they're ready they'll be proud to sleep in their own space and I can't see any harm in sharing with one adult at six years old.

Nanamar

Both DS and Ex-DIL allow 6 year old DGS to sleep in his/her bed on weekends as a special treat. This started when they were still married to each other (probably not a big intrusion since the marriage was failing!)I may have been too entrenched in my training as a psychologist but I feel it isn’t appropriate as he gets older. He has no sleep problems and sleeps fine in his own bed, etc. I would never say anything of course! Just curious as to what other Grans think?

The answer's in your post.

He needs security and to know that the parent is still there, hasn't left him.

Unfortunately the dog chewed up my psychology textbooks (that's not a joke btw).

I think it's fine

I wouldn't worry about it

Unlike my girls , my son drove me mad with his nighttime shenanigans .

He just didn't sleep .

I compromised with a semi adjoining room , a soft light and toys and explained mummy is tired .

Wake me up if you don't feel well , but otherwise - just play quietly .

I could hear him in the night talking to himself.

As I drifted off I'd call , Mummy is going to sleep now .I love you .

He went through the night without a problem . He must have slept intermittently .

He didn't actually sleep through until he was 13 .

I tried to be as sympathetic as possible , because I was put to bed really early , was terrified of the dark and not allowed a nightlight and had night terrors .and nightmares .

To this day , I have a horror of total darkness .
I feel as though I'm in a coffin and have been buried alive .

His son has also been dreadful at night :

At one stage , my son was having to get Grandpa to come over and my DIL , son and Grandpa were having to lie on the tiny nursery floor
entertaining him .

I think it gives a small child extra security and seems a natural practice to me which they will give up when they’re ready.

I, and many friends have done this, and none of them are now still sleeping with their teenage offspring 😀

I think it is up to those involved and nobody else’s opinion is relevant.

close friend of mine, whose youjngest child was 16 years old when her hubbie died, took to sleeping inthe same bed as that lad. She told me he wanted it and it was company for her.

I was alway disapproving -but she could never undestand my worries.

All my kids were in and out my bed and some of my grandkids with their parents too I have no problem with co sleeping think it’s rather nice to be honest
A lot of cultures sleep in the same room or same bed no problem in this house

My GD1 age 7 has slept with her mum since birth.....she sleeps with me when she's stays....her 4 year old sister is happy in her own bed... I'm sure the 7 year old will transition to her own bed in the next couple of years.... all kids are different.. entirely up to the parents...no one else's business....certainly no right or wrong

Our two girls and two GDs were forever popping in to our beds .as did I as a child including snuggling into Granny whenever I stayed over. It’s a natural occurrence with no need to analyse why a child wants to cuddle in beside mummy and or daddy or grandparents.

DD1 still has 13yr old GD2 snuggle in beside her on a Saturday morning for a chat.

I think you may be overthinking this one.

I think putting children into their own beds and rooms at an early age is a very recent thing. I shared a bed with my brother until I was 6 and always slept in my grandmother's bed when I stayed with her. My mother shared with several aunts when she stayed with her grandmother . If your GS has his own bed and room he will eventually decide to sleep in it.

I'm sure that I have recounted this before - middle daughter worked as an overnight shelf stacker in her university Christmas holidays and would regularly come and get into our bed when she got home and share a with us.

I think she would still get into bed with us if her daughters didn't beat her to it.

How can it possibly be wrong?

Mine were both poor sleepers but they weren't allowed in our bed.Like a previous poster they had a drink beside their bed and a book or toy to keep them amused until their clock went from the moon to the sun.From around age 2 they would knock our bedroom door before coming in.
I took a lot of stick on here when I said it before,It just made sense to us that they learned boundaries young and although their bedroom doors were slightly open I knocked their doors too before I went in .
I was very glad I had when my daughter was 12 I sent the 2 year old to get her up,he knocked ,she answered ,he went in stood on her bed and peed on her.
It certainly got her up.He has never lived it down.
My SIL was still going into her parents bed when she was 14,and when I started staying at their house she would climb in with me and ask me to talk to her as she couldn't sleep.
I think thats why I was anti bed sharing