Giving presents for Christmas, birthdays, etc.

My 3 grandchildren write a small list each . We're the only grandparents in their lives , no dad's on the scene either. So myself, hubbie and my other daughter ( Aunty ) buy the few things they really want. Their Mum ( my other daughter) buys nothing, never has, she's on benefits, so no money left once rent bills, food etc . I love buying gifts , but the oldest is 12 now , so I guess , it will be money soon

My DH and I try to combine 3 elements when buying presents for the GC. It needs to be something they would like, something we’re happy to give and have a something which is a surprise. So far we’ve always managed to achieve this although it can be hard work! The oldest GC is 14. Her mum has asked us to give her money. We never give money to anyone but have occasionally resorted to gift cards especially the ones you can use in a large number of shops. If we want to limit our expenditure we will give consumables such as sweets, wine etc.

Daughter in Law and son both get Lego (that they ask for ) something random usually a giggle present and cash
Two young grandsons get token presents . Our view we are spending much more on the adults presents gifts at the moment. As the boys grow up we shall stop spoiling the adults and buy what the boys wants
To put in perspective
No parents for either husband and I
We rarely see his siblings - no gifts
I have no siblings
We have one child
We have two grandchildren
We don't even decorate anymore lol
We don't get Xmas visits
We love seeing the young grandsons opening their gifts
Also have to say I do enjoy the smile on son and daughter in law's face when they open the gifts from us .
We , currently, are in a better financial place than they are. So we treat them.

Luckynan

I agree with much you said. One year really didn’t know what to buy young GD. DIL suggested some Sylvanian Family stuff which we duly bought. I wonder if she ever played with it much, and I expect it got passed on to younger nephews and nieces from DIL’s family, as lots of their outgrown bikes and things seem to end up with them.

I always had the feeling that the SF stuff was what DIL had yearned for herself as a child, and was never given them.🪆

Perhaps she played with them more than GD.

Just to add that I absolutely agree with Luckynan that the entire thing has got out of hand.

I stopped buying christmas presents in the late 1970s when I had an epiphany of what a waste of time and money it was. You buy a lot of tat for other people and get tat in exchange. Far better to either give them the money or a gift token (if you intend to gift them anything). All those akward people can then put the money towards something they really want or need.

For a few years I continued to give my parents a small token present then I stopped alltogether. I dont bother with cards either so I am one less person for others to bother with. Over the years Ive had a few people say that they envy me but that they could not stop buying gifts on a unilateral basis as their family would not understand.

The cost of living crisis seems to me to be a great excuse for people to cut back without incurring hard feelings. I know that many people are only buying for younger children. At least I dont have to worry when the credit cards land on my mat in January.

I only buy for the GC and wait for instructions before buying anything.
This year they are mostly getting gift cards for their favourite clothes shop, beauty product shop and book tokens. They will also receive luxury chocolates and other consumables.

Last year Wicked Uncle had some light-up children’s gloves. Don’t know about this year, but worth a look if anyone’s interested.

Kim19 my feelings exactly.

We always buy presents from the GCs wish list, or the parents buy them earlier and we transfer the money, get the present and wrap it.
There’s quite a bit written about the Psychology of giving presents, both about the need to give and receive. Ancient people gave gifts of food ( hunter gatherers) to their nearest relatives in order to ensure the survival of their gene pool.
Maybe there’s something deep within us to continue this.

I do a self indulgent combination of giving people what I think they would like (by personal knowledge and interest) and that I would like them to have. Seems to have worked thus far and....... I do derive such pleasure from seeking the items out and giving them. Pretty selfish really in a distorted kind of way.

Agent007, this brings back some unpleasant memories - as I had this exact problem - as a busy mother of four, in the past.

In the end, I had to impose a strict ban on anything with 'little bits and pieces' in our house - as it nearly drove me mad with the following problems:

Things I had to take apart/fix:

Video recorder (Lego)
Hoover (play beads)
Floorboards (coins)
Bath waste (tiny wooden sticks)
Air vent (Fuzzy felt)
Washing machine pump (play bead strings and counters)

other consequences:

Hospital check (baby pooping long 'fur' from teddy)
Vet check (dog vomiting metal puzzle pieces)
- and me, tearing my hair out!

When I put my foot down, any further unsuitable gifts were to be kept at the giver's house 'For when we visit' (thanks all the same). That's why my grandchildren get JL vouchers!

Surely the whole point of giving presents is to give something the recipient will like? Not to give something one thinks they should like?

IMO it’s a complete waste of money and energy to give something ‘worthy’ or ‘educational’ if a child wants a fluffy pink unicorn or money to spend themselves. It’s also a bit selfish because it suggests that your opinion and taste matters more than that of the child or the parents.

Even our five year great granddaughter has asked for money this year. She says it’s very exciting to be able to go and choose her own present(s).

I want any presents I give to be liked and used.

I’m probably going to get shot down for this but I think the whole process of buying Christmas presents has gone crazy. Most people I know have got everything they want . The children have got almost everything it’s possible to buy and parents are struggling to think of something to get them . I’m not just talking about my immediate family but my extended family and friends say the same thing to.
Whilst I’m on my high horse I’m sick of children having to have exactly what they want. What happened to the element of surprise. Okay it may not be the perfect gift but hey ho.
As my sister said only the other day it all has to be perfect! Years ago relatives would just buy you a nice present and you were grateful and out of politeness would show real enthusiasm for the gift. Nowadays a lot of children and adults just open a gift, give it a cursory glance and on to the next present. I know this is true because I’ve seen it happen.
I am shocked at the amount of stuff children have.
Okay rant over. I might add I’m a loving parent/ grandparent who is generous but it’s all gone too far.

Each family is different, but both our grandchildren, my children, husband and I make lists, so we all get wrapped presents. These range, this year, from paper cups and ping pong balls (grandson into magic tricks) to Nike air trainers (not happening from us). It’s worked for me since I was old enough to make a list. Then there’s the faux presents with a note or rhyme (age appropriate) useful for large items like a bean bag which was hidden in the boot of my car. Like a treasure hunt, great fun!

Agent007 with your second post, it does explain how you feel more than a little - you want DGC to have something you didnt.

Although I get exactly what mum suggests, I still wrap them carefully and they go under the tree.

But mum has not suggested anything, but suggested you go shopping with them.

That says it all, Agent007 - its not just the presents, but time with YOU. that is the greatest gift you can give them -

your time, attention, and what they choose with you.

If you can't manage the shopping (I couldn't) then tbh I'd settle for giving them money if they are old enough to appreciate it, but my point remains the same - not every child has a loving grandma,, and that is priceless.

Agent007

Just read your second post. I would never have given my children money when they were growing up as I had ideas from them what they would like, so can understand you didn’t like that.

Now, decades later, I give them and the (nearly grown up) grandchildren cash as they have so much ‘stuff’, and I honestly wouldn’t know what they want.

Phew! Yours is the only post (so far) that shares my view. And I agree about charities and foodbanks.

Except I was thinking of asking the kids if they would like me to adopt an animal via WWF or a named elephant/ rhino from Sheldrick Sanctuary on their behalf, they choose the species. Or sponsor a named girl's education With so much hardship now, I fear environmental and third world issues are getting ignored.

I also think it's nice to give suprise gifts. I do understand what mum is saying but I really feel for you as well

As much as I know my own children, I get things wrong and sometimes they don't make use of what I buy and it feels like a waste.

Clothes I wouldn't dream of buying anymore, far better for them to choose.

It's really hard. I think much harder than when I was young as there is just so much more actually available.

Maybe go for gifts to open that are universally liked like sweets and add some cash to it? You can buy some unusual sweets on amazon. I bought mine a selection that was around when I was young so we could share a memory lane trip last year and everyone loved it.

Other than that I now take notes if we are in town and they say they like something

winterwhite

I'm with the posters who say it's 'kind of nice' to be given a present and that the tree looks bare with no presents underneath.
Christmas is a time for families. I like to give presents and receive them. Money is not the same and can usually be given some other time. And as for charities we can most of us donate a bit extra as well and do so best by stealth - no need to announce it.

Ouch ☹️

Thank you all, for your thoughts.

Wow! I am gobsmacked by the number of grans who either give money or items off a list - so no element of surprise - or joy, even when a little feigned. A little while ago, my dgd was given a game we'd never heard of, but all enjoyed playing. This and many things would be lost if we stuck to known wants. I do like the idea of lists (given to Santa!) - but not as the be-all and end-all.

When I was a child, my parents always gave me money. Yes, they both worked and were short of time, but I always felt they chose the lazy option rather than take time out to choose something for me. I guess they were just ahead of their time, and I am behind the time. It makes me sad.

I have 4 grandchildren who I love buying gifts for. However, I only ever purchase items that their mums have suggested will be suitable. As I'm on a limited budget this arrangement suits me as I can't afford to waste money on items that won't be used but I still get to go out shopping and wrap them up

When they are small I always had a list to choose from. It does seem very sad that you can’t buy gifts. I now give money to my grandchildren as they have their own ideas, however I do give a gift as well, not too big.

I'm with the posters who say it's 'kind of nice' to be given a present and that the tree looks bare with no presents underneath.
Christmas is a time for families. I like to give presents and receive them. Money is not the same and can usually be given some other time. And as for charities we can most of us donate a bit extra as well and do so best by stealth - no need to announce it.

Sorry OP - went off topic! I always ask for a list … and if one is not forthcoming from their mum then I have a chat with GCs themselves. Ours aren’t old enough to appreciate money yet and would prefer actual presents to play with on the day.
It’s easiest all round - though I do remember buying some beautiful baby clothes once and one DiL asked for the receipt so she could change it!! I remember being dreadfully upset but you just have to let those feelings go x