Giving presents for Christmas, birthdays, etc.

Oh, it’s difficult isn’t it?

You want to give them a gift that you hope they will like and enjoy. Sadly, perhaps your idea and their idea don’t coincide. Consequently, the gift doesn’t get used or played with, just sits about and then recycled to a charity shop or similar.

Best to ;

Give them money to buy what they want.
Go shopping with them, let them choose.
Give their mum the money to get a suitable gift for you to wrap and give.

Otherwise you are maybe just wasting your time and money.

Our grandchildren make lists of what they’d like, from a couple of pounds to silly money, we choose and let their Mum know what we’ve bought.

Your idea of a nice present and theirs will be different. Give them money.

In my family all adults and grandchildren over the age of 21 will not be getting presents from us this year. We decided to donate the money we would have spent to Crisis at Christmas so homeless people will have a hot meal and company on Christmas Day.
We’ve asked them not to buy for us but to pop something in the Foodbank trolley at the supermarket. All seem happy with this arrangement. The younger ones will receive money so they can buy what they want.
It does feel strange not having presents to wrap and put under the tree though. 😕

My two kid brothers (both over 60) and I exchange gifts. I have no other family and, although I don't need presents to know they care about me, it's kind of nice.

One brother is widowed, and his adult, unmarried son lives with him. I buy them something each.

The other brother lives with his partner. I buy them something each.
All of their children are adult, and earning far more than my pension, so I stopped buying them things when they reached 18. Some of them have infant children but again, the amount to money I could afford to stick in an envelope for them is less than their dads would tip the paper boy, so this year it's just going to be cards. The money will go to the Foodbank.

One brother always sends me something random but thoughtful.
The other usually asks for a list to choose from, so it's something he knows I'd like but with an element of surprise . There's only one thing on the list this year - LED gloves, supposed to be for night fishing but in my case for picking up dog poop after dark.....😁

We always had lists to pick from when our grandchildren were young, but from mid teens they had money to make their own selection. However, I must admit there is nothing like seeing the delighted face of a child opening a present.

I can understand mum Agent007, tho goodness knows she could have put it more kindly and clearly to you!

My grandchildren DO have so much "Stuff" and their likes and dislikes change so quickly.

I asked the 10 yr old if he wanted a pressie or money in his little account, and he asked for money.

I ask Mum precisely what the younger ones want, she usually send me a specific item I can get online which is very thoughtful and at a price I can afford. I just made one guess, a princess dress dropped off the shelf at Sainsburys and sent a pic to mum, had the receipt in case it wasn't suitable..

There really is no point in getting presents they don't exactly want although I sense your pleasure in what you chose and your disappointment.

Most of us had so much less when we were kids anyway, didn't we? It wasn't so hard to get us something we would like.

Nevertheless, even at age 8 I recall very clearly the pleasure the postal order that one aunt sent us with an individual card each year. Gosh, the chance to choose something myself! And I'm sure my mum secretly prepped Nana what to get us.

Personally I like to make presents for the children in the family into a shopping treat day. They all (at the moment) like the outing with my undivided attention and it’s a treat for me too.

I appreciate not everyone has the money to have a meal out and a present. In which case I’d either ask what they wanted or give money.

My grandchildren twins (12) 11 years and 6 all wrote lists and sent them tome via WhatsApp. Then I buy off the list and tell parents . It’s interesting what to see they want - sports gear , a whiteboard , Lego and clothes are the main requirements this year . I also give them some money as I know they like choosing themselves . Just a secret Santa for the adults this year . Donations of Christmas foodie treats have been requested by our local food bank to add a bit of cheer which I think is a nice idea.

Once they get older, their idea of a good gift isn’t going to be the same as yours. I ask my daughter before buying anything for my grandson and he is only a toddler. That way, we don’t make expensive mistakes. It’s a learning curve.

I now don’t buy presents for any of my family (including Dh!) Cash in hand is the easy option all round. Gc have a small extra to open if they come over Christmas eg small car, socks, nail polish. Takes all pressure off.

Ailidh wow LED gloves! Never knew there was such a thing! Great idea though. I thought I did well buying DH and me a LED beanie hat each 😂. Where we live there are no street lights and I was forever tripping over the pavement (even with a torch!). I must look those LED gloves up - whatever will they think of next! 👏

Sorry OP - went off topic! I always ask for a list … and if one is not forthcoming from their mum then I have a chat with GCs themselves. Ours aren’t old enough to appreciate money yet and would prefer actual presents to play with on the day.
It’s easiest all round - though I do remember buying some beautiful baby clothes once and one DiL asked for the receipt so she could change it!! I remember being dreadfully upset but you just have to let those feelings go x

I'm with the posters who say it's 'kind of nice' to be given a present and that the tree looks bare with no presents underneath.
Christmas is a time for families. I like to give presents and receive them. Money is not the same and can usually be given some other time. And as for charities we can most of us donate a bit extra as well and do so best by stealth - no need to announce it.

When they are small I always had a list to choose from. It does seem very sad that you can’t buy gifts. I now give money to my grandchildren as they have their own ideas, however I do give a gift as well, not too big.

I have 4 grandchildren who I love buying gifts for. However, I only ever purchase items that their mums have suggested will be suitable. As I'm on a limited budget this arrangement suits me as I can't afford to waste money on items that won't be used but I still get to go out shopping and wrap them up

Thank you all, for your thoughts.

Wow! I am gobsmacked by the number of grans who either give money or items off a list - so no element of surprise - or joy, even when a little feigned. A little while ago, my dgd was given a game we'd never heard of, but all enjoyed playing. This and many things would be lost if we stuck to known wants. I do like the idea of lists (given to Santa!) - but not as the be-all and end-all.

When I was a child, my parents always gave me money. Yes, they both worked and were short of time, but I always felt they chose the lazy option rather than take time out to choose something for me. I guess they were just ahead of their time, and I am behind the time. It makes me sad.

winterwhite

I'm with the posters who say it's 'kind of nice' to be given a present and that the tree looks bare with no presents underneath.
Christmas is a time for families. I like to give presents and receive them. Money is not the same and can usually be given some other time. And as for charities we can most of us donate a bit extra as well and do so best by stealth - no need to announce it.

Ouch ☹️

I also think it's nice to give suprise gifts. I do understand what mum is saying but I really feel for you as well

As much as I know my own children, I get things wrong and sometimes they don't make use of what I buy and it feels like a waste.

Clothes I wouldn't dream of buying anymore, far better for them to choose.

It's really hard. I think much harder than when I was young as there is just so much more actually available.

Maybe go for gifts to open that are universally liked like sweets and add some cash to it? You can buy some unusual sweets on amazon. I bought mine a selection that was around when I was young so we could share a memory lane trip last year and everyone loved it.

Other than that I now take notes if we are in town and they say they like something

Phew! Yours is the only post (so far) that shares my view. And I agree about charities and foodbanks.

Except I was thinking of asking the kids if they would like me to adopt an animal via WWF or a named elephant/ rhino from Sheldrick Sanctuary on their behalf, they choose the species. Or sponsor a named girl's education With so much hardship now, I fear environmental and third world issues are getting ignored.

Agent007

Just read your second post. I would never have given my children money when they were growing up as I had ideas from them what they would like, so can understand you didn’t like that.

Now, decades later, I give them and the (nearly grown up) grandchildren cash as they have so much ‘stuff’, and I honestly wouldn’t know what they want.

Agent007 with your second post, it does explain how you feel more than a little - you want DGC to have something you didnt.

Although I get exactly what mum suggests, I still wrap them carefully and they go under the tree.

But mum has not suggested anything, but suggested you go shopping with them.

That says it all, Agent007 - its not just the presents, but time with YOU. that is the greatest gift you can give them -

your time, attention, and what they choose with you.

If you can't manage the shopping (I couldn't) then tbh I'd settle for giving them money if they are old enough to appreciate it, but my point remains the same - not every child has a loving grandma,, and that is priceless.

Each family is different, but both our grandchildren, my children, husband and I make lists, so we all get wrapped presents. These range, this year, from paper cups and ping pong balls (grandson into magic tricks) to Nike air trainers (not happening from us). It’s worked for me since I was old enough to make a list. Then there’s the faux presents with a note or rhyme (age appropriate) useful for large items like a bean bag which was hidden in the boot of my car. Like a treasure hunt, great fun!

I’m probably going to get shot down for this but I think the whole process of buying Christmas presents has gone crazy. Most people I know have got everything they want . The children have got almost everything it’s possible to buy and parents are struggling to think of something to get them . I’m not just talking about my immediate family but my extended family and friends say the same thing to.
Whilst I’m on my high horse I’m sick of children having to have exactly what they want. What happened to the element of surprise. Okay it may not be the perfect gift but hey ho.
As my sister said only the other day it all has to be perfect! Years ago relatives would just buy you a nice present and you were grateful and out of politeness would show real enthusiasm for the gift. Nowadays a lot of children and adults just open a gift, give it a cursory glance and on to the next present. I know this is true because I’ve seen it happen.
I am shocked at the amount of stuff children have.
Okay rant over. I might add I’m a loving parent/ grandparent who is generous but it’s all gone too far.