grandad not accepting step grandchildren or stepdaughter

He could post the cheques in a letter and not involve you at all.

I had a similar situation with.my husbands mother
I married someone who already had 4 chilfren.
We went on to have twins.his mother said she would never accept them as her grandchildren .even though they were his own
My rd had a wealthy uncle in Australia.When he died my exes 4 children were left quite a lot of money.my twins are excluded
I divorced my husband on the grounds of ctuelty.He was very nasty to my son and daughter.mainly my son.and violent
When his mother died he and his other children were left money.our twins nothing
I think he could have made sure they got something from what he was left.but no
H had very rarely bothered to see them. Or take them out when they were young.Or pay maintenance either
Neither boys bother about him now.in fact one of them days he's not worth calling a father.he's just a sperm donor

I am very sorry you are being used to pass this message on.from such a cruel man ,tell him to do it himself

Just tell him to sort it out himself, don’t get involved and don’t tell your son. Your ex husband may think better of it if he has to deal with it himself, and by pre-warning your son you may cause unnecessary friction.

I'd hand my child the cheques, with the instructions from his father and say "do as you wish, I'm just the messenger, I don't approve the message"

I'd refuse to take part in future.

Stupid X, for good reasons I'd bet.

I would just hand the cheques over, as ExDancer says, and say nothing about not including the others. . I don’t understand why he can’t communicate more directly with his son, but that’s not your problem. As to whether or not he includes the ” new” family members, again, not your problem. Try not to let it get to you.

Tell your ex to deliver the cheques and explain. (Unless you really think he would?)

I, too, wondered about this man and his relationship with his son and if he is as hostile about his son’s partner and her children to his face.
As others have said, I wouldn’t act as the messenger either.

Why is your ex husband using you as the intermediary with your son? I think I’d tell him that you’re not prepared to take it on, as you disagree with him, and let him sort it out directly with your son.

I can see where he's coming from, its a very male way of thinking (yea yea I know thats a sweeping generalisation), I do understand it but I find it unattractive too, and I'd want no part in it myself. This idea that he wants nothing to do with 'her' or 'her children' is quite childish don't you think?
However you're stuck in the middle and its unkind of him to put you there.
I think I'd put the cheques in an envelope and hand it to your son saying ' this is from your father for Christmas. Your son will (with luck) spend his cheque on the family, and put the other in his elder son's savings account for later years. No need to mention the cruelty of missing out the step children.
Depending on your relationship with the grandad, I'd say in future he can hand over the money himself or post it, but refuse to be his messenger again, its unfair to expect you to take 'sides' where children are concerned.
I don't suppose his step children want his bl**ding money anyway.

I think I would tell your son and see what he thinks, then if he asks for advice send the cheque back to your ex-partner saying it was given with the wrong sentiments.

That's so sad. I have a friend who experienced similar. I don't understand it at all. I think I'd rip.up the cheque.

I would not pass on the cheques, he is trying to exert control and he cannot control this situation. Why can he not be pleased that his son and grandson have made a happy family with a partner and child?

I’m a birth and step-grandmother, my own children were co-parented by two stellar step-parents, and in your shoes, I would not be colluding in your ex-husband’s nastiness.

Your ex can't make your son spend the money as your ex wants it spent. Your son can just spend the money on the whole family.