Are you nearly there yet?

Nope. In the the just about managing group (thank you Theresa May for that useful description)
Bereavement adds a dimension to the busy, emotional time of year. I’m doing a day at a time, more slowly and with a mixture of emotions.

I’m sorry Iam64 I hope there are some happy moments for you.

Thank you Sago. I’ve been to three nativities and have the fourth tomorrow. I had tears of joy and thought how much my husband would have enjoyed seeing our grandchildren happy and confident.
I bought a tree, couldn’t go to the usual place we’ve used for 40 years but, got a tree and decorated it slowly. I’m finding I weep easily but that’s expected. I’m blessed with family and friends. Plus the dogs 🐕🐶
Thanks sago

Iam4, the first of everything adds to the loss I’m afraid. You go through the motions a lot, family and friends help get you though somehow. We think we will never adjust as our loss is so great, but we do.💐

Allsorts, thankyou. I was blessed to have over 40 years with my lovely husband. I do believe that whilst I’ll always miss him, I will find ways to live well.

Sago - I’m sorry that my response may have taken your thread in a sad direction.

On a positive note, I’m meeting ex work friends today, family gathering tomorrow, party at dog training Saturday (help my young dog will be over excited) and I’ve finished my Christmas cards. Gifts largely done but five important ones to finalise will hopefully be done today

Sending hugs Iam. I can't imagine how you cope.

I am so slow this year. We have no decorations up and the dining room still looks like Santa's grotto - I'm fairly sure it should be fairly clear by now.

We are doing Christmas lite this year. Only about half the decorations, no baking and far less fuss. Why stress, just enjoy.

💐 for Iam.

Pittcity That was my plan too until my lovely husband opened his mouth😉

My house is looking reasonably festive. Both trees up (erected by grandsons), and decorated. All gifts bought but need wrapping. A small silly thing for my husband should arrive today.
I still have baking to do, but next week is fine for that.
I'm taking it easy, but DH is stressing!

Iam64 💐. My second Christmas without DH - there are (too) many of us on Gransnet.

Having read your post several times Sago, everything is ‘I’.
As your DH has dropped it all on you, perhaps he can be asked, bullied or bribed into helping?
See what his reaction is if you tell him you’ll have to do a pie and pea supper for ‘his’ dinner party! 😵‍💫. Best wishes.

Apart from cooking a big meal (early Christmas gathering) I've managed to delegate almost everything that I'm still doing - not much these days. My daughter put up the tree and decorated the house, visitors made their own beds (I have back problems). I'm not doing cards - and there's nothing to wrap when you send vouchers. So, I'm all done and relaxing now!

For Iam64 . I am glad you enjoyed the nativities, I am on the 'other side' of nativities, spent yesterday herding 3 year olds and wiping tears, for one of the children I work with it was the most monumental achievement to do what she did! I was so proud. Its lovely to hear how much it means to families. I did have a glass of wine last night to recover.
I have wrapped nothing .

Georgesgran

Iam64 💐. My second Christmas without DH - there are (too) many of us on Gransnet.

Having read your post several times Sago, everything is ‘I’.
As your DH has dropped it all on you, perhaps he can be asked, bullied or bribed into helping?
See what his reaction is if you tell him you’ll have to do a pie and pea supper for ‘his’ dinner party! 😵‍💫. Best wishes.

My husband never cooks, irons, washes or shops!
He’s very good at reading the newspapers online, filling the dishwasher and clearing leaves though.

I posted the few cards I needed to send. I have cards to hand to people I will be seeing. Mr. B has filled the freezer and pantry. I have bought gift cards for all the youngest generation. I have bought some silly and fun stuff for Mr. B. Anything not done won’t be done, I just don’t have the strength for it and it’s not worth running yourself into the ground.

Sago

I posted weeks ago (smug) that I had bought and wrapped all my Christmas presents.
I was doing so well.
Work then got in the way.
Then my husband opened his big mouth and invited some friends to stay, it was supposed to be our first ever Christmas alone and I was looking forward to that!

We go to London for a jolly today until Monday, the tree is up but not decorated the mince pies are not made, I have a dinner party on the 22nd and 3 people arriving to stay on the 24th.
We are also working until the 23rd.
I need to shop, cook, bake, clean, make beds.
I don’t know how I’m going to manage everything.

Get your husband and his big mouth to do it!! I would murder him if he was mine!!

Been there done that….(working full time and hosting Christmas for god knows how many….very stressful and never again!

Sago - mine was exactly the same! It was infuriating, but he’d worked hard, mostly away from home to provide a good living for us and when he came home, he genuinely believed it was ‘his’ down time and we hardly saw him as he pursued his hobbies. I was a SAHM for many reasons and didn’t begrudge him retiring at 55, but the non-involvement continued, despite promises to tackle various routine tasks. On a more serious note - I think it was only during his final couple of years that he realized how much I did/had done/was doing and expressed his gratitude, saying he could never have achieved what he had without me behind him and holding it all together back at home. He even put it in a magazine article for me to read.
He died last year and said he’d had a wonderful life and thanks to me, he’d done everything he wanted.
I hope your DH is as appreciative. Best wishes.

Sago

I posted weeks ago (smug) that I had bought and wrapped all my Christmas presents.
I was doing so well.
Work then got in the way.
Then my husband opened his big mouth and invited some friends to stay, it was supposed to be our first ever Christmas alone and I was looking forward to that!

We go to London for a jolly today until Monday, the tree is up but not decorated the mince pies are not made, I have a dinner party on the 22nd and 3 people arriving to stay on the 24th.
We are also working until the 23rd.
I need to shop, cook, bake, clean, make beds.
I don’t know how I’m going to manage everything.

By telling your husband "YOU invited them, YOU get to work on everything. I'll have a glass/bottle of insert favourite drink & watch you!!"

Last time DH invited friends round we had a Chinese takeaway...easy all round.

Where is your husbands tasks in all of this? He needs to do all of those things as its him who has arranged it without getting the ok from you. In fact in your telling I'm seeing your view disregarded completely. What is he doing? Have you sat down and discussed how you feel?

I'd be furious of my DH invited anyone to stay! Don't try and do it all, don't bake, buy. And they can make their own beds. You're not a hotel.

Galaxy

For Iam64 . I am glad you enjoyed the nativities, I am on the 'other side' of nativities, spent yesterday herding 3 year olds and wiping tears, for one of the children I work with it was the most monumental achievement to do what she did! I was so proud. Its lovely to hear how much it means to families. I did have a glass of wine last night to recover.
I have wrapped nothing .

Thank you for being 'the other side'. We've loved 4 productions this year.

I am so sorry for all of you struggling this Christmas. I have just had a message from a good friend to say her DH died in his sleep last night.
My thoughts are with all of you and hope you can glean some happiness this Christmas.

Sago I do not envy you but I am sure when it all happens you will be pleased you made the effort. Surely Christmas with good friends is better than Christmas alone?

I’ve wrapped and sent or given presents out, including flowers to an ageing aunt and a first cousin and family. Got a supermarket order coming on 24th.

Tree not up as I have two new kittens, so it might be outside lights only this year.