Examples of racism,classism etc.

I think it’s important to recognise that there is a range of discriminatory behaviour, and sometimes, given enough confidence, one can challenge it.

Far more often though, there is a power imbalance of some kind, such that the potential repercussions, or ingrained social mores, make any kind of challenge incredibly difficult.

VioletSky

So we blame the victims of discrimination for not handling it rather than the perpetrators for being terrible humans?

Exactly. Victim blaming. Not appropriate.

I read the OP thanks VioletSky
It’s surmise and speculation.
A shop assistant may treat you better if you are white as long as she is white as well, or may treat you better if you look well dressed or maynot if she’s a lazy cow and needs training or sacking.
It’s guesswork otherwise.

That's not what the thread is about

Terrible humans? For being an idle shop assistant? May have been racist maybe not.May have been anything.I’ve come across plenty of people like that in shops.
Assess the situation and act accordingly is a good motto.

So we blame the victims of discrimination for not handling it rather than the perpetrators for being terrible humans?

In the scenario set by the OP it was as easy as that to do.
A shop assistant shoving a grubby box at her could have been handled by her saying she wasn’t buying the item and to get a clean one pronto otherwise she would speak to the manager.
Or walking out and reporting the matter to the store.
Or buying a gift elsewhere.
If you act like a victim you get treated like one.

Oreo

So what do you do?
No good whining that it’s wrong, what does that get you?
Either speak up at the time or don’t if you like a quiet life.
If someone is rude in a shop, say so and walk out, and so on.

If it was really that easy to handle, discrimination wouldn't be possible.

So what do you do?
No good whining that it’s wrong, what does that get you?
Either speak up at the time or don’t if you like a quiet life.
If someone is rude in a shop, say so and walk out, and so on.

Oreo

People make snap judgements of others all the time, it’s what humans do.
Up to you if you accept it or not.

If it means that someone is discriminated against, it's wrong.

People make snap judgements of others all the time, it’s what humans do.
Up to you if you accept it or not.

Classism - if I suspect I'm going to be judged, I change my accent and use of language (code switching). It makes a huge difference to how I'm treated at times.

Racism- my DD was stopped in a local shop, when she was trying and failing to use a self-scan machine. She was in the process of trying to wave to the assistant and ask for help and instead was accused of trying to steal. Messages on their social media and an email of complaint resulted in an apology.

Ageism - I suspect a lot of us have been victims of this. Being treated as if we're invisible.

Discrimination due to nationality - I've both benefitted and being discriminated against because of my overt Britishness. In Asia, it has benefitted me. In Spain, it was at times a negative thing, categorising me as an unwelcome immigrant.

My husband always wore a suit to work, in banking, years ago.

I noticed that if we went to parents' evening at our children's high school we were spoken to much more seriously, respectfully even, if he went in his business suit than if he got changed into his casual clothes before we went 🤨

That's horrifically ageist of your dentist Allsorts. I also saw a classic example of ugly ageism earlier today. Said on a forum, that's aimed specifically at older people, but popuated predominately by older women: a sad lot of old biddies you are.

I and some of my friends have been talked down to in certain shops, also by my dentist, who prefers young patients. They have the problem. I take my money elsewhere.
Your dil should have said I prefer someone who is actually interested in serving me to get me a clean box. We can’t always think of a quick answer, we are taken back as the majority of people are nice people.