Feel the fear and do it anyway

Blondiescot that's a good idea 🌻

That’s very sad mumski but perhaps her DH was happy to be the strong one in the partnership?
Just guessing.
Even while Paw was alive, I had to do a lot myself as he was very poorly over the years, dating back to his transplant back in the late 1990’s. However it’s one thing to do things on your own knowing the security of somebody at home to talk to about it. Paw was always a reassuring presence even if I was the one up the ladder or on the phone to the emergency plumber!
It’s reassuring to know I am not alone in this.

But we would manage mumski! Not doing something (laziness) isn’t the same as ‘can’t’ doing something if push came to shove. I don’t think I’d starve and live in squalor.

My brother has just died. His wife relied on him for everything. She can't operate the heating, the television, never learnt to drive, doesn't know where his will is. He did all the shopping, cooking. bill paying etc etc. She's only 63 years old and now her laziness has come back to bite her. Her family are thinking she will starve to death and live in squalor, so are encouraging her to sell up and go back home.
So those of you who rely on their DHs for any/ all of these things, learn now. Can you tell I'm really angry and frustrated with her???!!

I'm much the same, & I'm surprised at just how much fear takes over ! Like Urms, I've not driven for ages, simply b/c DH does it for me. I cld easily do it myself & previously I was always out & about. Then fear came - about being away any distance, mixing in lge crowds of people, having to do social interaction. Bam! just like that, fear took away me going on day trips, enjoying a day of shopping, cinema, going to parties or even simple get-togethers. I lost how I was.
Covid is responsible for this all starting, but now I'm still letting it steal away "feeling free".

LRavenscroft - what a great suggestion about rewarding yrself w/stickers! Having several showing in a week must really feel gratifying! I'm off to dig out my box of sticky stars.
Reluctant attempt at first & probably slow progress, but I'll try to change back to how I was before. Thx Maw for giving me this nudge!
Good luck to everyone - I've plenty of stars in my box to share them w/ you.

Would someone go with you, aggie? Somehow things often seem less onerous when there is someone else to talk to.

My life has narrowed to the point that I can’t face going back to Sunday Mass , I still go on line on a Saturday because I get a strange fear of goodness knows what
I go to the supermarket with my Daughter, I do go to the mid week club I go to weekly painting , but get panicked on a Sunday Morning , I would have to find somewhere to park my Walker , the seats are rearranged so it’s not familiar , but these are all excuses

‘ then life can narrow down dramatically ‘ 🙄

tanith

I wish I could ‘do it anyway’ like some of you but I’ve lost confidence to travel alone, I’ve only ever done long train journeys with my late husband and really need to visit my sister in rural Wales but it’s a 3 train changes journey and I keep chickening out and I feel ridiculous. I also chicken out of flying alone which I’ve done many times before.

Well done all of you who do it anyway.

Try taking it in little steps - maybe just a small local journey first, working your way up to changing trains once and so on. Build your confidence up bit by bit. Good luck.

I do feel anxious about doing certain things but I never duck out and hopefully never will, I’ve seen too many people not do things that worry them, and lI’ve can then soon narrow down dramatically.

I think I've given up a bit since covid. I like my a
Own company and am usually relieved when things are cancelled. I got into a panic driving to my son's new house 20 miles away and got lost for 5 minutes. He hadn't invited me since but visits me here instead.
I have discovered he doesn't invite me to another family gathering in town presuming I wouldn't want to go. In fact I'm getting anxious about Christmas Day although I'm sure I'll get a lift to his house.

M0nica

*Doodledog*, Oreo, but that is not quite the same as deciding not to do something you would quite like to do, because you do not feel confident.

No, it was about making a concerted effort to do small things, so the bigger ones don't seem impossible.

I wasn't boasting - I did point out that I have got much happier being indoors and 'meeting' people on Zoom - and I am looking for ways to get back to social 'speed'. I am still at the resolutions stage though, and the holiday's booked but not the train tickets.

I wish I could ‘do it anyway’ like some of you but I’ve lost confidence to travel alone, I’ve only ever done long train journeys with my late husband and really need to visit my sister in rural Wales but it’s a 3 train changes journey and I keep chickening out and I feel ridiculous. I also chicken out of flying alone which I’ve done many times before.

Well done all of you who do it anyway.

I agree that the pandemic did nobody any good. Zoom is a convenient way to reduce personal interaction and a relaxing and undemanding form of communication.
I had just summoned up the “oomph” to take myself on a train holiday to Germany on my own , just under 2 years after Paw died and loved it! I was all set to have another go to another country, and also to take the €* to Amsterdam to look after DGS while D was working on an opera there when Covid struck and nobody could go anywhere.
I think I am going to start awarding myself stickers - the first will be be for driving down a country lane first thing tomorrow morning to take Rosie to kennels for the day as greyhounds and buffet lunches especially where there are tinies can be a disastrous combination. Praying the snow and ice have been cleared!

I think, like many on here have already said, that I have lost confidence as I get older, but I've always been a believer in facing up to your fears. I've done a parachute jump and abseiled in the past, although I'm not sure I'd do them again now. However, while age maybe means diminishing confidence, I think it also brings a 'so what' attitude - you're less concerned with what people may think of you, so in a way, that makes up for it.

Doodledog, Oreo, but that is not quite the same as deciding not to do something you would quite like to do, because you do not feel confident.

Oreo

Doesn’t everybody lose some confidence with age, including men? It just hits some earlier than others.
The one thing I’ve stopped are all the things that before I did for duty or was talked into it by others.I please myself now and not other people.
Probably does you good not to duck out of stuff through fear tho.

There's this too. I no longer feel the need to tolerate people I don't like because they are the mum of one of my children, or someone I work with. I now only mix with people I like . That is very liberating.

I don't know about feeling the fear, but I am much more likely to stay indoors these days, and am very content with my own company. I think Covid had a lot to do with it, as my asthma meant that I locked down hard, and found things to do online (including working). Now it's over, I run the risk of getting lazy and preferring online contact. There is nothing wrong with that - I have regular online meetings with people from all over the place who I wouldn't have met had it not been for Zoom - but I sometimes feel that I need more face to face contact with people other than Mr Dog.

I have been making an effort though, so that I don't end up out of social loops altogether. I have joined the NWR, and booked a hobby-related holiday that will mean getting three trains each way on my own in the summer, and being away for a week with strangers (Mr Dog is not interested in the hobby). I have made an early new year's resolution to join at least one more social group this year (probably the U3A) and to invite a couple of new acquaintances for coffee after Christmas. I've always been a social creature, and found that leaving work (so less socialising with colleagues) and Covid (so no socialising at all) happening within a couple of years of one another meant that I risked being in a very small circle with my eggs in one basket. I've seen too many people become very isolated when they lose their husbands/partners and had few other social contacts. I think you're doing the right thing to 'force yourself' Maw. It can only get easier.

It's certainly tarnished what was always my favourite part of Christmas Urmstongran.

Doesn’t everybody lose some confidence with age, including men? It just hits some earlier than others.
The one thing I’ve stopped are all the things that before I did for duty or was talked into it by others.I please myself now and not other people.
Probably does you good not to duck out of stuff through fear tho.

I am very conscious that one of the biggest problems as we get older is a kind of inertia that makes it easier to decide one can't do things or won't do things, until you find you really cannot do them.

I am very determinedly deciding that the answer is always 'yes' or immediate action when faced with thes moments. In the last week I have volunteered to do three things and I have started to do two of them already.

Goodness Smileless what a poignant date to be estranged. 😱
Not that there’s ever a good time but right on Christmas?
That must have been one helluva horrible one for you. x

I suppose life’s curved balls just must knock the stuffing out of us.

Sometimes I feel the fear and do it anyway but not as much as I used too. I lost a lot of my self confidence when we were estranged 10 years ago on Christmas Eve 2012.

I'm happy to go out with Mr. S. but am happiest at home or at our holiday lodge and do have a tendency to talk myself out of doing things.

Nearly talked myself out of joining a choir last October and am so pleased I didn't.

It looks to me as if you're doing very well Maw so keep up the good work.

Oh well done Lathyrus! Inner confidence. ✅

I got very worked up about going to a concert in London a few weeks ago. Especially coming out, walking back to the tube afterwards and then a late night train back home.

Did it go without a hitch? No! Did I cope with the cancelled train. Yes!

Was it worth doing? Definitely.

New Years Resolution. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Thanks for the prompt🙂