Do you go to funerals?

Normally just go to family and friends that I know quite well.

going to s/i/l funeral today . not want one myself also dh says same. a lot people who have not been in touch for years and never had a good word to say about person turning up and saying nice things when not even seen person for a long time .
so too faced ...

Do I want folk at mine? Yes, especially it it is a celebration rather than the cremation / putting in the ground. I hate to think that I won’t have a “proper” send off. Eleanor Rigby comes to mind. Off to a wake today - not someone I knew well but she was at my wedding and her husband is important to mine. I regret not going to some funerals, although usually a good reason, I missed seeing the wider network and touching on old bonds. I’ve never regretted going only not going

foxie48 I am in complete agreement with your daughter. Funeral plansare to console those who expect to die. Funerals are organised by the living for those who have died.

I am planning a funeral of utter dull conformity, confident in the thought DC will reject that and give me a right royal send off. On the other hand DD might then give me exactly what I asked for. So no plans, just rely on DC to give me the send off that comforts them.

My aunt was buried by a middled aged woman minister with bright red hair in a creaking wheelchair. She made us all turn round when she followed the cortege into Chapel.She did not keep still and all you could hear were the creaks and turns.
Although we were all really upset we started to giggle,shoulders were going up and down and snorts from our noses.
To top it all she struck up a relationship with a gay relative at the funeral tea. It really was like a comedy sketch from Dave Allen, my aunt would have been disgusted.
Needless to say, the parishioners soon got her moved on, not because she was gay but through a lack of empathy with the mourners and at other services.

I was talking to my daughter recently and told her that she didn't need to have a funeral for me to which she said that it wouldn't be "for me" it would be for the people who would be sad about me dying but I could choose the music if I wanted!

timetogo2016

Well it gets him out of the house for a while.

😂😂

We only go to those of friends or family. Alas too many of these in the past few years.

I’ve read (in at least one novel) of people going to funerals in the hope of a wake, where they could pretend to have known the person and down a glass or two of sherry. Ditto sausage rolls.

Here’s a great true story regarding “funeral crashes”

www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwj57rrpoIX8AhWSZ8AKHWOODeEQFnoECBgQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theguardian.com%2Flifeandstyle%2F2008%2Fdec%2F21%2Fcelebrity-victoria-coren&usg=AOvVaw1V7xsnmlZyMdmkYkkysbT0

My late mother went to every funeral going, she was a devout Catholic and attended two churches so there was a never ending stream of funerals.
She would criticise every aspect of the service, if it wasn’t a certain funeral director she would say they did a bad job.
The food, choice of coffin, everything was under scrutiny.

My husbands ex girlfriend’s mother died, she was a Catholic, my mother told me she was going to the funeral, I was concerned because my husband was going also.

I asked my mother how well she knew her, the reply was “ she came to our church a couple of times”
I stressed to my mother it was only appropriate to attend the funeral of someone who you knew well.
She then told me that if the priest announced a death at Mass or the date and time of the funeral was in the parish newsletter that was as good as an invitation.

They make quite a big thing of funerals here and it is not unusual to get 100 or so attending the service and then the get together afterwards. Maybe influenced by Irish heritage people , I am not sure. If the person was involved with any service clubs a lot of members will attend and if they were ex army/navy or airforce they often have the last post which just breaks me up, so sad. I won’t attend Anzac Day ceremonies because I think of very young relatives killed in the wars and just start to cry.

I haven't been to a funeral since my son's. My father and my mother in law died within the last 2 years and I did not attend. It might sound heartless but I realized that I found it better to say goodbye in my own way.

It doesn’t sound heartless Madmum1994. We all deal with grief and loss in our own way and I’m so sorry to read you have lost your son 💐

Also just to add I'm not having a funeral.

I haven't been to a funeral since my son's. My father and my mother in law died within the last 2 years and I did not attend. It might sound heartless but I realized that I found it better to say goodbye in my own way.

Yes, I went to the funeral of a friend this week. I know the family well and they went to a lot of trouble to celebrate J's life, I went along to support the family. It was lovely to see so many people turn out and I'm sure the family will have been pleased to see how many old friends and neighbours wanted to remember her.. A much younger friend died in the summer, it was a sad but uplifting service and I was able to talk to her close family, some had come over from Australia to spend some time with her in the few weeks of her life. I also met mutual friends with whom I had lost touch. I feel that funerals help with the difficult process of grieving. We had lunch with my late friend's husband a couple of weeks ago, he's still very sad but says friends and neighbours are helping him start to come to terms with his loss.

Only family and close friends. It’s hard enough as it is, but each to their own.

The only one I'd really want to go to is my own, when I'd get to hear all the nice things people were saying about me. "Didn't suffer fools gladly" instead of "cantankerous old bat"!

But of course I'd miss it anyway, which is why I see no point in arranging for one. I have no family left who are speaking to me, so I'd rather leave the funeral money for my friends to organise a decent piss-up in my honour.

I'd actually like to be buried at sea, to return my organic matter directly to the ecosystem, but I'm not sure if that can be arranged without a naval background. I have no illusions about any other kind of afterlife and I really don't care to be honest.

So -that's why I'm having an unattended cremation - as my whole family dislike funerals, I've already paid for it. It's cheaper and cuts out all the cr*p. All they have to do is scatter my ashes somewhere (anywhere) and have a pub lunch!

I only go if I can't possibly avoid it, so very close friends and family only. I absolutely hate them, so will show my face, then leave as quickly as I can.

When my husband died, some neighbours, who hardly knew him, knocked on the door and asked if they could come to the service - so weird!

Philippa111

I do go to funerals to support the family and friends left behind. It is also a reminder to enjoy every day as I don't know when I'll be the next one in the wooden box!

But some funerals are very dull and what I find somewhat bizarre is that a complete stranger , celebrant or priest, eulogises about a person they have never met as if they had been great friends! But I do understand that sometimes the family is too distraught to say things and so the priest says it for them.

The up side is to chat with people I haven't seen in ages and it can rekindle friendships that have dwindled.

The funeral celebrants I know spend a great deal of time with the deceased person’s close relatives, finding out about them, and either helping or preparing a very personal eulogy, and other individual meaningful touches to the service.

I have been to some funerals where the person hired to take the funeral, frequently a church minister, has led a very impersonal service, even getting the dead person’s name wrong once or twice! Very upsetting.

I do go to funerals to support the family and friends left behind. It is also a reminder to enjoy every day as I don't know when I'll be the next one in the wooden box!

But some funerals are very dull and what I find somewhat bizarre is that a complete stranger , celebrant or priest, eulogises about a person they have never met as if they had been great friends! But I do understand that sometimes the family is too distraught to say things and so the priest says it for them.

The up side is to chat with people I haven't seen in ages and it can rekindle friendships that have dwindled.

Fortunately I haven't had many funerals to go to recently but I do feel that it must help the family to see that their loved one was well thought of.

Unless it’s someone very close no because it’s not easy to get time off in my job.

I'm in N.Ireland and when my mum was arranging her funeral she wanted her coffin lid closed as she didn't want everyone 'gawping' at her. After the funeral we went to a local club for tea and sandwiches and my friend's mum and dad arrived, which I thought was lovely. They looked very disappointed when they realised it was my mum's funeral and not their country and western dance that was usually held on that day.

Family, close friends, and sometimes people when I know there will be few there and I wish to support them.

I think some of these funerals sound horrific. In my family only about a dozen attend but when my dad died I was quite annoyed with my ex who arrived with a friend we didn't know and they chatted loudly(deaf old men) through the special music we had chosen.
I went to my friends dads funeral and it was a nightmare. A farm kitchen filled with all the local women, then a long trek down country lanes to a packed church. The service lasted about an hour followed by another trek to the grave.