Do you go to funerals?

During Covid, my BF’s stepson took his own life. At the funeral the celebrant was so overcome by emotion, she broke down and the deceased brother had to take over, until she got herself under control again.

My husband's good friend died suddenly in March and then husband's cousin died suddenly from Covid in June. Both men were close to turning 80. We went to the memorial gathering for his friend and it was really nice to hear stories about his life.
The service for his cousin was in the chapel at a funeral home with about fifteen people there. The officiant did a good job of including personal things in his service and we felt it was a good farewell. Even though there were just a few people there, they had been the most significant people in his life. One of the saddest funerals I have gone to was years ago when I was a young mother. The mother of one of my son's best friends died after a long battle with breast cancer.
My mil had taught first grade for many years. She was in her nineties when she died but several middle-aged former students came to her funeral which was very nice of them and appreciated by my husband.

Is he Irish kircubbin ? the Irish seem to love funerals and go to and many as they can get to even someone they ve just passed the time of day with. Its almost a weekly hobby

Interesting. An in law of mine belongs to an ex serviceman association. If asked they will go to the funerals of other ex veterans. He's sometimes at several funerals a week. He is Irish, so maybe that explains it, lol.

Been to one today. A close family member. Non-religious and more a celebration of life with music, poetry and a lovely eulogy. I’ve been to too many funerals in my life. I don’t attend unless I was close to the deceased.

My friend's mum died at the weekend. I am absolutely dreading the funeral. I'd really prefer to stand outside the church then slip away.

The last funeral I went to was my sisters ten years ago. Everyone seemed more interested in the flowers and my nieces had a row and have hardly spoken since.
At my mothers funeral the celebrant got her name wrong.

DH and I are just having a cremations where knowbody attendce.. When the family want to get together later they can.. But I must say I've been to some cracking funerals when I was younger.. One of them was best friend of my parents.. He was paint and decorator.. All his work mates turned up in overalls.. The church was packed.. After the service everyone decided to go to a club in Leeds which was in Chapel town... Where Jamaican / African people went to plus some white guys. We stood at the door and letterbox style atch opened with the bouncer looking at us all and we said George had died..please let us in.. We danced to the reggae music. Everyone joined in, black and white people. In them days everyone mixed really well.. It was the best send of for George.. He'd have loved it. One other was at my mother's funeral. Our Grand daughter decided she wanted to get in the car with 5 of us with the funeral driver sat in the front... She sat next to her great uncle and said guesd what I've got nitts... Haha people didn't know if to open the cat doors and run. It was so funny all their faces and moving away from her.. We then all cracked out laughing.. Her great nana would have loved that.. Even the driver was shaking with laughter.. What funeral.. Drinks after and plenty singing and dancing went on that day..

After MIL's funeral, my M was being returned to her care home and remarked "This has been nice. We will have to do it again sometime" We did!
On the other hand a poem in a book I was given, written by Joyce Burton can be read at my funeral.

It seems quite good to me
To think of my dust blowing around the world to eternity
I'll drop my dust on my children's children
like a benediction
Carrying a breath of love long gone
It's just a fantasy I know but who can tell.
It's better, I think than visions of heaven and hell.

If I go, it is out of respect for the people left behind. Recently the mother of my first serious boyfriend died. Over the years, she and I had met on many occasions where she always chatted to me and said she wished her son had married me as he was on his 3rd marriage. I didn't like to tell her that it was never in my plans! She was the most lovely lady and so was her husband so I asked if I could go but giving the family every opportunity to say no. I was so glad I did as everybody welcomed with me open arms and we were able to reminisce on better times with the beautiful person who had died.

My husband and I won't be having a funeral. We have arranged to go to the University for research purposes. If that doesn't happen we will have a Direct Cremation where there is no service and ashes are delivered to loved ones. Family can have their own ceremony later. Funerals cost £5000 upwards and in this day and age I would prefer my family to have the money.

Given the age profile of the more longstanding members of our U3A there are a lot of funerals locally. I rarely go to the service and never to the bun fight afterwards. Where there has been a private family funeral I sometimes go to the follow-up memorial service if it is someone I knew particularly well. I have requested an unattended cremation for myself. I'm not religious and don't want to line the pockets of funeral directors by paying for unnecessary extras.

Not any more. Got sick of the dreadful " buffet" rubbish in pub etc. Everyone scoffing overpriced junk and drinking in daytime (?) Why?! Someone dies. Those who cared and knew them can remember without involving nigh on strangers and relatives from yonks ago who never darkened their door for ages! I know I'll be tipped into me plot without any family present as they treat me abominably now😅 never mind my revenge is to leave what will be quite a stash to some interesting beneficiaries.....!

I do go to funerals of family of course but also friends. My DH died recently and my ACs and I did a DIY funeral with no celebrant and a slap-up tea with champagne afterwards. Lots of people there, it was great. His death wasn't a tragedy and he'd had a smashing life really.

I guess we all have different views and feelings. I find it often helps to join together with others who who feel the loss and sharing memories. It’s good to share grief and have it out in the open. When my ex died unexpectedly in the summer, I didn’t go to the funeral but watched on a live webcam and I took comfort from a whole range of people being there for the final farewell knowing that those people cared enough to be there. He wasn’t an especially sociable man and I feel reassured that so many cared.
When my youngest son died, aged 25, his funeral was an immense comfort, to see so many of his friends there, plus family of course. Being hugged by all those fit and healthy young men who cared was a memory that I treasure.

I think funerals are barbaric. I know they are supposed to provide closure for the relatives and friends of the deceased. I am horrified that we out people through this ordeal when they feel at their most vulnerable. I attended the funeral of a dear friend earlier this year who died from ovarian cancer. I watched her 20 year old daughter (an only child) and her father propping each other up as they struggled with their own memories and gave eulogies to a congregation of people. They both cried as did I and several other people. It seems such a brutal thing to expect someone to go through when their heart is breaking.

I agree with Farmor15 a funeral is a celebration of the person's life. It is lovely to hear special music, readings and perhaps poetry. All of us will want something different perhaps low key, perhaps upbeat. One of the loveliest funerals I went to was totally non religious and full of joy and love.

I went to the funeral of someone who I'd known for many years as an active member of the village.
The 'wake' after the church service was in a beautiful barn with uniformed staff.
There was a bit of a queue to enter. There were 2 quite elderly ladies ahead of me who were talking; I couldn't help but hear them.
'Oh, it's a good spread' said the first lady, 'yes, much better than Dolly's last week, that was a bit of a dissapointment' said the second lady. 'Did you see that Ted has gone, the funeral is next Friday, now that will be a good one', said the third lady.' .......
I struggled to maintain a straight face, it was very clear that these ladies attended most of the village funerals.

I not only go to them I conduct them What your husband does is not unusual Here they are known as the steak pie brigade or the professional mourners

Only funerals for those I have actually known. When working I was amazed at the number of people who attended funerals for colleagues' relatives they had never spoken to never mind met.

Do people still have funerals? Most people I know are planning to just be cremated and let the family decide what to do with the ashes. No service and no wake.

Only for family and close friends. I have personally decided that I don't want anyone to attend a funeral for me. All I ask is that they remember how I was when I lived. No tears please.

Living in a big city, I attended funerals if I had known the person who had died, or knew a relative well.

However, in the years where I sang in a church choir, I learned to appreciate those who turn up out of a sense of duty, as there was nothing sadder than a funeral of someone who had died alone and unloved, and where apart from the parson, organist, sexton and two singers went unattended to his grave.

Living as I now do in a small country town, I realise that here it is still the done thing to attend if you have had the slightest acquaintanceship with the deceased or the family.

If the funerals your husband attends give a reasonable chance of meeting friends and relations he otherwise is out of touch with, I understand why he goes.

I also can appreciate his going if he is making up his mind about what he wants and intends to leave complete instructions for whoever has to deal with it when the time comes.

One thing we can all be certain of is that we will all die sooner or later.

Yes, always ,I feel it's a mark of respect for the person I knew, that I was glad to know them and will miss them. I've been going to too many lately though . My aunt, my dear friend and a work colleague . Looking forward to a celebration of something joyful for a change!

I would go for family and friends always. I suppose there are many reasons to go to a funeral. Some are on a very personal level some are to support your family or friends in their loss and some simply to share a memory with their close family. I would travel far and wide for a family member or friends funeral and to support them but would write to a colleagues family and share a memory or two if the funeral was too far away tyo attend.

jomo

going to s/i/l funeral today . not want one myself also dh says same. a lot people who have not been in touch for years and never had a good word to say about person turning up and saying nice things when not even seen person for a long time .
so too faced ...

Oh, what a horrible situation for you. It is often the same, yes two-faced.
Just keep a small smile if you can and quiet.