To be or not to be a grandmother.

My son married a girl who had a ten month baby when he was twenty making me a gran at forty six. His daughter didn’t start having children until in her thirties. My fifty year old grandson and thirty nine wife are expecting their first baby.
Everyone is different.

I feel very lucky to have grandchildren. It’s not something I ever took for granted. I wouldn’t want to spend my life looking after them as some people do, but I’m glad they exist. I remember saying to my children, before there were any grandchildren, that I’d been very happy to bring up children once, but I had no desire to do it twice.

Fortunately they live too far away for that to be a possibility.

I recently saw a school friend from 40 years ago, her first words were “ I see you are embracing the grey " I replied " maybe you should" as she had jet-black hair with silver roots.

I have known some older people that grandchildren are all they talk about, and then the phone comes out with endless pictures of children I don't know and have no interest in.

It's not up to us though is It? You are or you aren't and while I could not love my grandchildren more , their existence was not my decision!

My first DGD was born when I was 51. She is now 18 and pregnant with my 1st GGC !
I also have another 4 DGC but to be honest I wouldn’t be bothered if I had none .
I’m not that keen on children 😂 although I have done my fair share of caring for the DGC

I don’t have grandchildren and it certainly doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is the constant barrage of photos. I meet up with a couple of friend for lunch who always bring out the mobile phone photos and bore me to tears. Unfortunately they can’t bore each other as I meet them separately. Am I the only one who thinks a lot of women lose their identity when they become a granny. I know some whose lives appear to revolve around the weekly routine of their grandchildren to the extent of even booking their own holidays around granny duties.

That could be said for most ppl thou, I’ve got grandkids and I normally get you not remarried yet or just you on your own again you must be lonely em no not picking up after a man or sharing my bed or fighting over tv remote lol but it’s not noisy it’s just ppl being ppl we like hamsters we want to know and see everything

Some people have no emotional intelligence do they and they always wear size 10's!

There could be many a reason why but they never think of that or your feelings.

I would also love to be a Granny and if it happens it happens.
I generally say what wonderful grandchildren they have and smile.

Don't let them get in your head.

Think yourselves lucky

My opener if I bump into an old friend is ‘ How are you?’ or ‘How are things?’. An open question for them to say as much or little as they want.

My sympathies, OP.

i never thought i would have grandchildren and it did not bother me one bit, my son met a fantastic woman who already had a son and did not want anymore and my only son was fine with that but 3 years ago she had a little boy that was going to be born by c-section the day after my cancer operation and they had given me a 50% chance of getting through it. i did not see him for six weeks as he was ill and i was ill, he's autistic and non verbal but he is a delight, so now i have 2 gc but it is not the first thing i mention when i see an old friend (mostly mothers from my son's school days). some of them are sad because there children don't want children, a survey from last year shows that 1 in 4 couple don't want kids. having gc does not define you or make you a better person, my son being happy with or without children is what makes me happy.

M0nica

I do not think the question is the problem. It is when it is asked that matters. To be the first thing someone says when you meet them after a long time is weird. To exchange family details as a catch-up conversation develops seems fine, but it is the fact that it was the first question is what makes it so odd and why the OP started the thread.

Yes, when, and HOW!

I have one daughter, now 37 who is adamant that she will never have children. I am relieved. She's a Chartered Accountant, working in the Music Business, attends at least three evening gigs a week. She is renting in London and her priority is travelling. She does this with work, mainly to the USA and Ireland. When she travels in her own time the places she goes to are amazing. New Zealand, South Africa, short European breaks. Next biggie is Costa Rica and she has promised to take me to Japan. Children? Nah...

Just someone you were at school with trying to fill in a bit of background to her 'picture' of you. I'd move along swiftly - conversationally (any physically unless you find you DO get on).

I suspect its an inroad to them telling you all about their grandchildren! I have one daughter with children and another without. If I am asked why she doesn’t have children, I reply “It’s none of my business”, it shuts people up.

What an odd first question to ask someone, she could of asked you how you were, the family were, etc. I had no children and found it odd that people were shocked by this, sometimes it's like they felt sorry for me, it was my choice. One woman actually told me I was selfish not having children and I was just thinking about myself. What if I couldn't have them, some people don't think before they open their mouths. Don't take the silly woman under your notice.

I have to say that the birth of my first grandchild was a renewing experience, like having a new boyfriend, the excitement each time we came into contact. Did lots of baby sitting through two grand children and they grew up with DH and I until they went to secondary school. Still very close.
Up to having grandchildren I never thought about it but once they arrived it was an experience not to be missed.

I used to regularly bump into an old work 'friend' from some years back. She was always very materialistic and would always ask if I had upgraded my car adding "we change ours every two years you know". I could almost write the script of the conversation. [hmmm]

I was 45 when I had my son so it's possible I won't see any grandchildren. Doesn't bother me. I'm just very grateful to have my son.

Let's face it, it's not our decision.

After having had four miscarriages it was very painful when people insisted on asking when I was going to have children. But I do realise such questions are not intended to be hurtful, and I don't think the OP's friends meant any harm by asking - it is just one of those questions that people ask.

When my own children were younger, one of the most annoying terms of address to me was to call me 'So and So's Mum'. I was always very insistent that people addressed me by my name.

My first child was born five years after we married, and we had been trying from six months after the wedding. It was heartbreaking when people kept asking me 'when are you going to have a baby?'

I would NEVER ever do that to anyone else.

As for g.children - I was not that keen on having these. I adored my adult children, found it difficult to lose status with them to become second in their lives when they got together with partners, so was not enthusiastic about moving even further down the line with their children.

Four of them did go along and have children. I have never been one of those people who think that being a g.parent is the greatest thing ever. My great joy was in having my own children - nothing can ever displace that. As my g.children make my children happy - then my bubble of love extends over them. I join my AC in the celebration of g.chldren achievements, etc. but all my AC know that when I visit I visit THEM, not their children.

Fortunately, my family tend to have children quite late, so I may be still around when the first GG children arrive, but probably not and this is not something I am looking forward to.

Some of my friends have g.children, others do not. Conversations are not about them, it is about us. I rarely mention mine when I am with any of them, and NEVER pass round baby pictures to anyone.

DanniRae

I met someone I hadn't seen for years in the supermarket recently. We had a quick chat and covered all the usual questions........ How are you? "Have you seen so and so lately?" I was so eager for her to ask if I had grandchildren yet but she didn't. I waited a long time to become a grandmother and wanted so much to talk about them! So it seems starting a conversation nowadays is a minefield. And I am happy to be defined by my children and grandchildren....... they are all amazing and far and away the best thing I ever created

How refreshing. Really don't see the issue here. Some people seem to take offence at the slightest thing.

I met someone I hadn't seen for years in the supermarket recently. We had a quick chat and covered all the usual questions........ How are you? "Have you seen so and so lately?" I was so eager for her to ask if I had grandchildren yet but she didn't. I waited a long time to become a grandmother and wanted so much to talk about them! So it seems starting a conversation nowadays is a minefield. And I am happy to be defined by my children and grandchildren....... they are all amazing and far and away the best thing I ever created

M0nica

I do not think the question is the problem. It is when it is asked that matters. To be the first thing someone says when you meet them after a long time is weird. To exchange family details as a catch-up conversation develops seems fine, but it is the fact that it was the first question is what makes it so odd and why the OP started the thread.

Absolutely. I wouldn't have minded if it had been in conversation with someone I had just met with a simple 'no' for an answer but seeing I hadn't seen her for 25 years it just seemed rather 'in my face', as in this is what defines you now. I think you are right M0nica it is about context, time, and how it is said.