Loneliness, can we help ?

Have you considered joining a women's organisations? My good friend is a member of the National Women's Register (NWR). They have a wonderful sense of community and there are lots and lots of local groups across the UK.
The website is www.nwr.org.uk if you'd like to check them out? Sending hugs x

I agree. That would be a wonderful way to at least stay connected with another person who can communicate.

LesLee7 I think we have to do the brave face thing. It’s like when people ask “how’re you?” They don’t always want the answer!

At the moment I’m about to lose every so joining a group or social activity is pointless. I’ve absolutely nothing to offer at the moment as I’m running on empty. However, life goes on and I hope to feel better in future.

Loneliness is not a choice all. One can choose to be alone, when there is no choice ?

I do feel sorry for people alone when all we see on TV is the picture that is frequently unreal. I am lucky to have family fairly near but have also been alone in my 30s for Christmas. I honestly didn't mind it, if I am honest. I took a leaf out of my Mum's book, who slogged over Christmas and huge extended family cooking for decades. Once she was widowed in her 50s and we were all a distance away she could have come to any of us or we could have gone there. She wouldn't come to any of us despite repeated invitations... she ate, watched and did exactly what she fancied and put her feet up, and enjoyed every minute. We all phoned, but she was perfectly at ease with her own company. She's taught me a lot about probably being alone in the future and resilience. Maybe there are other ways of seeing Christmas than the ones we have foisted on us by the media.

Bizzle, I am lonely too, and it could be nice if people like us could get a way of forming new friends,even as pen pals to start with.

Thank you Aldom hugs x

AuntieEleanorsCat

So sorry Annibach. I completely got the wrong end of the stick.

And there has been an apology.

That's now been pointed out three times. I don't think people read the whole thread before posting.

AuntieEleanorsCat

I too am quite reserved. I also have Aspergers and was married to a man who wasn’t really that outgoing. Now that he is gone, I feel lost.
I have some lovely friends and family but am very wary of being a burden to them.

Not everyone can put a brave face on (though I do). I think “acquaintances” would be totally shocked at just how sad and low I feel right now as I am very upbeat with them.

Anniebach, I think that’s rather a cruel stance in suggesting lonely people are boring and drone endlessly about their ill health. I have been encouraged by several friends to write as my life has been interesting and unusual but I made the mistake of marrying a man who was domineering, controlling and made me invisible. At my age, I have lost my motivation and oomph. If I EVER recover it… watch out world!

You Have misunderstood annnies post. She was being sarcastic , saying others posts implied lonely people were boring ,

When my Dad first came to Australia after Mum died he would rabbit on and on about nothing much but I noticed as he met more people and settled in he became much less likely to do that. We all need a few to talk to and if not the few people we do see cop the lot, stray thoughts and all. That is the conclusion I have come to anyway. Often those who rabbit on are lovely people, they just need someone to listen and care about them.

I think people often enjoy a piece of mail of some kind. If you can afford it, perhaps get someone a subscription to a magazine about
something they're interested in. Or send a card to a person you visit once a month, but send the card on the weeks you don't visit.

AuntieEleanorsCat

I too am quite reserved. I also have Aspergers and was married to a man who wasn’t really that outgoing. Now that he is gone, I feel lost.
I have some lovely friends and family but am very wary of being a burden to them.

Not everyone can put a brave face on (though I do). I think “acquaintances” would be totally shocked at just how sad and low I feel right now as I am very upbeat with them.

Anniebach, I think that’s rather a cruel stance in suggesting lonely people are boring and drone endlessly about their ill health. I have been encouraged by several friends to write as my life has been interesting and unusual but I made the mistake of marrying a man who was domineering, controlling and made me invisible. At my age, I have lost my motivation and oomph. If I EVER recover it… watch out world!

Your comment was added after mine but I can associate with it. I was always very shy when I was young but learnt to hide it and be more outgoing. I also said I am wary of being a burden to anyone and don't like to ask for help unless I really need to. Like you I have been very good at putting on a brave face or "front" on over the years and get through things by being practical - for example when both my Mum and sister were ill and I was travelling a lot and then lost them both within 6 months. Friends said how strong I was - little did they know. Like you I think they would be shocked at how I've felt this last few months. I can now play darts and ten pin bowling again in League and socialise but when you draw those curtains early on a dark Winters night that's when you sometimes feel so lonely.

So sorry Annibach. I completely got the wrong end of the stick.

This year at midnight NewYears Eve I was with friends but felt overcome with grief and feeling alone. My second New Year without my beloved husband. There were four couples and me , all good friends. So you can feel lonely and sad at times in company and that’s perfectly OK

oldeman it's not a good idea to put your email address on the forum. Anyone can see it. May I suggest you ask GNHQ to remove your post, to be on the safe side? If you want to contact someone on GN, best to send a Private message (PM)

Thisw problem is nationwide. Old folk become depressed at Christmas especially. Some have no family and probably worse are the ones who have family but never see or hear from them. I am lucky to a certain extent that my son who is on sevice in the army overseas has phoned me often over Christmas and New Year but I have not seen him for over 3 years. The rest of my family (daughters and grandchildren) I have not seen or heard from for over 4 years. Fortunately my son leaves the Army in November this year and I look forward to him coming home. Christmas has been very quiet and very lonely, The person with the idea above about emailing one and other I think has a good idea. Happy to put my e/m address forward - identifying details removed by GNHQ
Happy for anyone to get in touch.

Count me in

Seastar please see my post on page 2 at 16.44. Please don't misunderstand what Anniebach said. It was a question not a statement.

Thank you Jane. I wish I could help others who are in that state of complete friendlessness.

Oh Caleo I wish I could give you a hug. Thank goodness for your dogs x

Jane Judge wrote:

"But Caleo do you just like being on your own? which is different from being lonel "

Jane, I know . I do like and cope well with being on my own. I have in the past felt frighteningly lonely (very different from being on my own)when literally nobody was there to comfort and advise when I really needed comfort and advice. I had dogs to protect and care for otherwise I still think that suicide would have been the right thing to do.

☺️

seastar a ? means a question is being asked, I asked the question following posts describing lonely people as ‘boring’ obsessed with ill health’ .

There is not one cause for loneliness and it can cripple the lives of the young as well as the elderly.

AussieGran59

Six of us were having a Christmas eve drink on a neighbour’s front lawn when a middle aged man came by. He told us he had no friends and had lived in the area for 35 years. He was invited to sit with us. Er, big mistake. For an hour he droned on about his illnesses, barely pausing for breath. I did feel sorry for him but it made for an awkward evening.

The problem with being ill and lonely is that you have nothing much to talk about as often you don't actually do anything! The lonelier you get, the more you lose confidence in doing anything and meeting people - I know as am in the same boat, and likely to have even more health issues as I am so cold ... sitting under a heated blanket all day with my computer for company isn't much fun, especially as my hands have seized up with the cold. At £21+ per day to heat my space, it isn't happening, 1/3rd of my already meagre 'income' - I am getting close to thinking my daughter had the right idea ...