Do you ever look back ......

I tried to be the opposite of my mother who tried to stop me doing anything fun and hated my friends.
2 of mine got into some awful scrapes and one went off the rails completely but now they are all sensible, successful adults and their kids are amazing.

I know there I could have done better, there are things my DS struggles with, I know I couldn't have managed without his Dad,

but given our family backgrounds we did manage between us to be "good enough" *

and DS is in a stable loving secure situation married/children where love and acceptance flourish and yes Monica dont worry in those ways

and I am so thankful and it matters more than just about anything else.

* "good enough" mothering/parenting is an established psychological concept worth having a peek on if interested

Realise now that I was far too young (22, not young in today's terms)- went home on day 3 after emergency section (transversal breech), without any family or any help, and with OH working all hours, nights, days and week-ends. I had no idea what I was doing- but I did my best. Was it good enough? I will never know.

I never aimed to be a perfect mother. I knew I wouldn't be - and I am not sure I would have wanted to be.

Right from the start I went in for good enough mothering. I cannot have done too badly. DD comes to us for 10 days every Christmas and DS and family arrived yesterday for a week, as well as at other times of year.

They both have had the independence of spirit and determination to carve out the lives they want, without worrying about 'what other people might think'.

Important to me if not to others.

I always say our children grew up into wonderful adults in spite of us, not because of us! I know I didn’t get it right all the time but they all seem to have good memories of their childhood and they’re all good parents to their own families.

I also think it would be a terrible thing to have been brought up by perfect parents. Imagine the pressure to then be a perfect child and maybe be a perfect parent in turn. Nightmare!

JenniferEccles

Don’t we all feel that at times we could have done better? When we got maybe unnecessarily angry with a childhood misdemeanour?
I’m sure we do.
It would be a pretty arrogant mother who, on reflection, felt she had handled everything perfectly.

👏🏻👏🏻
I don’t go in for much retrospection thankfully tho.

The fact you are questioning it says you have done your best. We all feel like this Luckygirl. I know I do.

I have an awful parent and they think they were perfect and marvellous so that tells me all I need to know!

I have my faults, but the children have turned out well. My DH was born to be a father (more than a husband 😁) so he probably balanced out my short wick. I loved having children around and miss that.
My mother told me she jumped off the kitchen table numerous times and the hot
bath to get rid of me (unmarried, then having to) Heartening isn’t it🙄

Don’t we all feel that at times we could have done better? When we got maybe unnecessarily angry with a childhood misdemeanour?
I’m sure we do.
It would be a pretty arrogant mother who, on reflection, felt she had handled everything perfectly.

I had my only child when I was 19. I hadn't a clue what I was doing and know I could have done better but did my best. She has turned out to be a decent, kind human being who has been a fantastic mother to her own daughter. So that's OK.

I know our mum loved us but we were often told about the gin baths because she didn’t want more children. It wasn’t nice to hear we were not wanted but the hardship must have caused that attitude.

I have never said anything negative to my DD or DS I think I have been a good mum but maybe over protective.

Yes I do and I’ve come to the conclusion that I wasn’t a good mother, but one, with the very best intentions ….

Wonderful, kind people, bringing up their children with love would indicate that you did a pretty good job Luckygirl, well done