Do you ever look back ......

Wonderful, kind people, bringing up their children with love would indicate that you did a pretty good job Luckygirl, well done

Yes I do and I’ve come to the conclusion that I wasn’t a good mother, but one, with the very best intentions ….

I know our mum loved us but we were often told about the gin baths because she didn’t want more children. It wasn’t nice to hear we were not wanted but the hardship must have caused that attitude.

I have never said anything negative to my DD or DS I think I have been a good mum but maybe over protective.

I had my only child when I was 19. I hadn't a clue what I was doing and know I could have done better but did my best. She has turned out to be a decent, kind human being who has been a fantastic mother to her own daughter. So that's OK.

Don’t we all feel that at times we could have done better? When we got maybe unnecessarily angry with a childhood misdemeanour?
I’m sure we do.
It would be a pretty arrogant mother who, on reflection, felt she had handled everything perfectly.

I have my faults, but the children have turned out well. My DH was born to be a father (more than a husband 😁) so he probably balanced out my short wick. I loved having children around and miss that.
My mother told me she jumped off the kitchen table numerous times and the hot
bath to get rid of me (unmarried, then having to) Heartening isn’t it🙄

The fact you are questioning it says you have done your best. We all feel like this Luckygirl. I know I do.

I have an awful parent and they think they were perfect and marvellous so that tells me all I need to know!

JenniferEccles

Don’t we all feel that at times we could have done better? When we got maybe unnecessarily angry with a childhood misdemeanour?
I’m sure we do.
It would be a pretty arrogant mother who, on reflection, felt she had handled everything perfectly.

👏🏻👏🏻
I don’t go in for much retrospection thankfully tho.

I always say our children grew up into wonderful adults in spite of us, not because of us! I know I didn’t get it right all the time but they all seem to have good memories of their childhood and they’re all good parents to their own families.

I also think it would be a terrible thing to have been brought up by perfect parents. Imagine the pressure to then be a perfect child and maybe be a perfect parent in turn. Nightmare!

I never aimed to be a perfect mother. I knew I wouldn't be - and I am not sure I would have wanted to be.

Right from the start I went in for good enough mothering. I cannot have done too badly. DD comes to us for 10 days every Christmas and DS and family arrived yesterday for a week, as well as at other times of year.

They both have had the independence of spirit and determination to carve out the lives they want, without worrying about 'what other people might think'.

Important to me if not to others.

Realise now that I was far too young (22, not young in today's terms)- went home on day 3 after emergency section (transversal breech), without any family or any help, and with OH working all hours, nights, days and week-ends. I had no idea what I was doing- but I did my best. Was it good enough? I will never know.

I know there I could have done better, there are things my DS struggles with, I know I couldn't have managed without his Dad,

but given our family backgrounds we did manage between us to be "good enough" *

and DS is in a stable loving secure situation married/children where love and acceptance flourish and yes Monica dont worry in those ways

and I am so thankful and it matters more than just about anything else.

* "good enough" mothering/parenting is an established psychological concept worth having a peek on if interested

I tried to be the opposite of my mother who tried to stop me doing anything fun and hated my friends.
2 of mine got into some awful scrapes and one went off the rails completely but now they are all sensible, successful adults and their kids are amazing.

I’m still loved and appreciated by all my adult children, so hopefully I was a good parent, but I think we all look back at some point and think maybe I should have done this or that, nobody is perfect!

I've always been patient so even things friends thought were awful ,I didn't get overheated about .Like DD needing picked up drunk at 12,I held her hair while she was sick and let her know that we all make mistakes .I'd like to say she didn't drink again but she did though. never came home drunk unlike her brother .My neighbour boasted HIS son would never do that ,his son used to climb in my sons downstairs bedroom window to avoid going home drunk .

At least mine knew they were better home safe .The biggest issue I had was because I'm a natural worrier and they told me everything....a lot I'd rather not have known or maybe not .
They are both terrific people ,great parents of 5 amazing GC and we see all of them regularly .
They are happy and in my book thats more important than high flying careers or pots of money .So my job is done.I'll let them decide if I did the job well or not

I’m sure I was/ am far from perfect but I do my best.
3 DDs who have grown into decent , hardworking, loving adults who seem happy to spend time with me. They often speak fondly of their childhood memories, so I must have done something right.

It is strange that mine always talk fondly of some of the things they did as children (some of which I can't remember!) and they are themselves good moth4ers - better than I was!

I wonder why only the failures leap into my mind - could it be this miserable weather making it hard to think positively?

Oh gosh PaddyAnne, me too! My adult children plus partners have been home for an extended Christmas which has been lovely, but they do tell me everything. It is great to be trusted, but sometimes as I lie awake at 2am turning things over and over in my mind, I think I would be better off not knowing. I too always had open house for anyone too inebriated/afraid of parental response to go home. While churning things through my head in the early hours, I pick at 'the scabs' of the times I shouted at them, the times I got exasperated with my late Mother.....even the times I have got cross with the dog,

If I could go back and start again from scratch, there are definitely things that I would do differently as a parent.

Sometimes, awake in the middle of the night, I do beat myself about it.
However, as both dc seem to recall mainly "fantastic" aspects of their childhood, rather than bad or questionable ones, I must have got something right. Even more important perhaps is that both of my dils trust me with their children. One has even said outright that she has 100% trust in me to look after them properly.

Being a grandparent was a steep learning curve. Childcare at a very level has changed so much since my sons were small. I've gone with it and think that I am a far better grandparent than I was a parent, but try to tell myself that by the standards of the day, I was a decent parent.

Fleurpepper

Realise now that I was far too young (22, not young in today's terms)- went home on day 3 after emergency section (transversal breech), without any family or any help, and with OH working all hours, nights, days and week-ends. I had no idea what I was doing- but I did my best. Was it good enough? I will never know.

I was probably too young (17). My husband worked long hours, 2-3 jobs, nights, weekends. No outside help.

I did my best, I'll never know if it was enough, but seems so.

We've no regrets.

Don't we all do the best that we can at the time? We have 3 children, all have grown into fine parents. Probably better than we were, I don't know. They mention times I have forgotten, some good, some not so, but I like to think that they love us as we love them.

Well....... going by the result, I must have done something right.

I have those same wondering thoughts then remind myself it was a different time and within the parameters of the time we were good enough parents. Our two are good, kind, hardworking people. They have their ups and downs as everyone does, the important thing is they cope admirably with life’s challenges and are happy to involve us in their lives. That’ll do.

Well, both of mine have turned out ok, so I must have done something right. Again, I was far from perfect (but then, who is?) but I vowed I'd be a very different mother from my own, and I sincerely hope I was. At least my children knew they were loved unconditionally (and still are) - even if, at times, I might not like some of the things they did or the choices they made. I'm very proud of the adults they have become.