My grandson hates me.

Do you have your own outside door to the apartment or do you have to come and go through their space?
Could you continue to be as independent as you obviously were before you moved into the flat?
I would focus on my life as much as possible and not get involved on a day-to-day basis unless required.

I hope things settle down once you have made a new life for yourself.

It sounds like a huge adjustment to be truthful for all concerned.
Good luck.

happycatholicwife1

I find some of the above comments really odd.

Like mine? If so, how so? Thanks

I am guessing you are in America rather than the uk? If you apartment is big enough and is actually self contained maybe you should spend most of your time there and only "visit" the main house occasionally. Could you " invite" you DGS for afternoon tea or a sleep over in your part. Keep some special toys treats etc for when he visits you. He does not hate you. He is struggling with the change in the set up from a visiting granny , who probably had a bag full of treats, to a new occupant in the house. If you collect him from school ask if he wants to go to " his" home or " yours".

gaylemcdo ofcourse your GS doesn’t hate you. He is only 6 and ofcourse, he wants to be with his Mum. When my granddaughter was about that age and had to stay with me overnight, when her Mum was working late, she would cry for heaven knows, how long. Nothing I said would calm her. In the end, this may sound cruel, I let her cry herself to sleep. I would give her an item of my daughter’s clothing as a comforter. I never ever felt that she hated me. Don’t feel hurt or bad. I don’t want to rub salt into your wound, but why did you decide to move in with them? These arrangements very rarely work. It happened with my sis-in-law. But it was her d.I.l. who made her life miserable. She moved out and has since bought an apartment, of her own. Good luck

I find some of the above comments really odd.

Gaylemedo, now that you describe the family and the domestic arrangements your position is clearer.

Unless you are a very strong personality the young parents (or one of them) is going to call the shots about the child's behaviour. It seems hard, but you are going to have to comply with the way the household is run, except when you are in your own private apartment. My advice to you is are with him don't reward his bad behaviour by paying attention to it.

You will have to tell the parents if you can't control him when you meet him from school. If you can actually control him about crossing the road and other physical safety you could meet him from school and do him the favour of not replying to him or even making eye contact when he is rude.

you say that the apartment is small, well that is the problem I think.

Thanks for the encouragement

He turned 6 in October. He started kindergarten this year.

gaylemcdo, give him lots of space. If the parents are thinking about going out on errands, retreat to your corner of the apartment right away so that he sees that he has free use of the common areas without having to interact 24/7. Don’t loiter or crowd him, keeping in mind his age though of course. Basically, I think he is saying that you may be trying much to hard here, trying to force something that you both once enjoyed and he senses that. So schedule some time where his living space can feel like the old days. Maybe go out for a couple hours when he is home with his parents, have a lie in, read in your room, things like that. Allow him to come to you. He will eventually, I promise.

He is 6 years old! Your description of him "hating" you is an adult interpretation of a child who is going Gheorghe a phase, who is trying to make sense of his new kiting arrangements and who rightly sees his parents as his main source of security. He foesnt hate you, on the basis of what you describe, he just needs time and patience. And you showing understanding and not ousting for things he cant/doesnt want to give!

My grandson is almost 5 and like your grandson, lives with me and his mum. I used to be the favourite. Now Mummy is definitely the favourite. DGS is just coming out of a patch of not wanting to spend time with me. A couple of weeks ago he was adamant that he didn't want to hug me whereas he's all over his mum. It is a bit sad, but he's a child that I love. I don't let him know that it's hurtful and just carry on showing him love. Hopefully it'll pass.

He is 6

He doesn't have a call on a new inhabitant in his own home

Give him space and time

I would also have a plan b just in case this living arrangement doesn't work

Okay, he’s six. He’s probably upset that his world has changed and wants it to go back to normal. Just like a kid acts out when a new baby comes along, he’s jealous that things have changed with your arrival.

Give him time.

Some have asked how old is my grandson. He is 6 and started kindergarten this year. I moved in because of some health issues. I am fine now and don't have any physical problems, I paid for the remodeling of the apartment and my daughter and son-in-law helped with furnishings which I reimbursed them for. Hope this helps explain my situation.
Thanks

Are you going to tell us how old your grandson is ?

You used to be a grandmother, you could go and visit. Now you are with him all the time. You need distance. The best thing is to talk to your daughter. She should be able to influence him.

I have 2 grandchildren (3 and almost 6) who live in Australia. The both interact with me well when we FaceTime. My GD often asks her mum to time our chats for a bedtime story. However, when I visit, they lose interest after the initial excitement of my arrival, and tend to 'do their own thing.'

I would follow much of the advice given by others. Find your own interests and distance yourself, a little, from their family life. Re-install the novelty value by spending less time with your GC. Let him make the first moves.

NannyAng
Please tell you your mother moved out - not your daughter

I feel for you gaylemcedo my lovely mum stayed with us for 4 months every Summer but wanted my attention and my children were great about her staying but only tolerated her.
My youngest daughter at 14 coming up 15 decided to move in with her auntie that year only coming home if nanny was out because she wanted me, not nanny and nanny’s opinions.
They all have a great relationship now they’re adults and mum has her own home and they can pop in and see her.
Good luck.

????

Your assessment of her shape is somewhat crude! What are you? Victorian match-maker?!? Puberty starts when it wants! My sis started periods at 9 and me? 14!! I had no hips/ boobs or body fluff until maybe 14/16 so these daft assessments are just that- daft! . Leave well alone no wonder she's hiding!

He sounds as if he's heard parents having a right old moan about you!! Kids repeat and pickup thinking of stuff and takencriticism parents' say as gospel! They're very " all or nothing" !! I'd have a proper talk with your daughter and thrash it out. No point you wasting time worrying specially if you've sold your home to bolster their finances is it? If that's not the case , ask the lad what his issue is? Don't be bullied and assert your adultness over his (sounds like) adolescent naff attitude! I'd ask him to justify his jibes or belt up!! You live there now and unless they're financing a new residence, tough! They made the mistake of asking you in did they?

Is it possible that he is picking up tensions from his Mum and Dad or between his Mum and Dad? Having a new person in the house can take some adjusting to, especially when there are different generations whose tastes and sense of humour vary enormously.

I don't know how much space you have to yourself but, as others have suggested, if you do have your own comfortable space it might be a good idea to make more use of it. And to go out and make your own friends so you do not feel so isolated - which sounds funny when you have your family around you but it is still possible to feel lonely and isolated when things aren't going right.

In the final analysis, if you do feel the arrangement isn't really working, do you have the option to move and buy somewhere nearby?

By the way, I think it is perfectly natural for you to feel hurt. I would too, especially if I had previously had a good relationship with my grandson.

I bet he doesn't hate you, but instead finds you very annoying. This is what teenagers do. If they don;t do it they are unusual or very well trained not to show their feelings.

You should draw back and accept the relationship has changed You must protect your own interests, both psychologiclly and your home. I think it's most important you keep to your own apartment and be no more than polite and friendly when you meet.