My grandson hates me.

That does sound upsetting. How old is he?

You don’t say how old your grandson is and I think that’s pivotal to this
Is he coming up to a teen ? Of course that would be the time to want to find his independence (or even younger 8/9) he will begin pulling away and not wanting to be picked up from school Perhaps a friend has said something like ‘cor your mums old’ when you ve been waiting in the playground who knows what’s been said to him he may be embarrassed
Of course an older ladies jokes won’t be funny to a young chap just as his jokes probably won’t make sense to you he’s grown out of you, it happens

I m afraid I ve never been tempted to move near any of my children I think independence is a wonderful thing and then visits are looked forward to

I would have a serious talk with your daughter and see if you can find a way forward it sounds as if you are far too emeshed in their lives…. are you independent with friends and hobbies of your own or are you just always in their space looking for their company ?

Yes, how old is he?

if he is young then I suppose its just possible he is jealous of the time your mum now gives you "not him": as he sees it. that may be why he goes on things with mum he would not before. Chat it over with mum.

But that a real left field guess gaylemcdo as if he is older then what others said above.

It could just be a ‘phase’ he is going through.

But I’m concerned that your daughter has suggested you move out. Why would she say that? Surely she could help you to work out what is going on.

Of course your grandson doesn't hate you, but you have gone from being the grandma who lived somewhere else and he saw intermittently, even if daily, to being grandma living in the same house 24/24 - and that is very different. He is trying to get back to the old familiar relationship.

But the real issue here is that you are taking it all so personally and are so upset by it and why is your sense of self so fragile that this episode in your grandsons life is seen as such a catastrophe

If you have grandchildren, it means that you have had children and brought them up through childhood and you should by now be very aware, how children can vary in their attitudes to each other and adults, almost from day to day.

Between the ages of about 2 and 4 my grandson more or less ignored me. When we visited, he would rush out, do a body swerve round me to get to his grandfather and I might as well have gone home. Then one day I was back in favour and notjhing has changed since. Teenagers can also be real pains in the posterior.

As others have said you need to widen your life, go out and join things locally, make ne friends and get into your flat and establish your own life seperate from your daughter and grandson, so that you can react to your grandson's behaviour with tolerant amusement as just a phase he is going through.

Are you seeing them much more often than before? That could be the problem. Your daughter’s comment would suggest that to me but your grandson is blunt whereas your daughter is tactful.

You went from a person he saw once in a while to 24/7, he needs to adjust to that huge change in his life

He doesn't hate you. He didn't like staying with you in the past, you living with them isn't going to magically change that

Why did you move with your daughter and sell your place?

It's been a big change for your grandson gaylemcdo . You don't say what age he is and this is pivotal to dealing with the problem. I am more concerned about your daughter suggesting you move out. There were bound to be some teething problems with your living arrangements and you need to be able to work through them together. I hope you manage to resolve things.

I am assuming that this lad is primary school age. Can imagine that he is resenting this third person living in his home and is jealous of your relaionship with his Mum, All very normal.

He doesn't 'hate you', just does not want you to be there all of the time. It really is down to you to accept this as quite normal and healthy behavior and to do something about it. ensure that he and his Mum and Dad have plenty of time without your presence, go to your own room and give them room to be a family. Explain to your D and SiL why you are doing this.

When your g.son stops seeing you as some sort of threat to his relationship with his parents he will find your presence in HIS home that much easier. As he grows into teenage yeaars he will probably start ot ignore ALL the adlts and spend mos of his time in his room. Mind you, even then it would be good for you to continue to spend some time in your own room or out with your own friends and interests and not get in the way of your D and SiL.

You sold your house so presumably you paid in to or bought the place your living now? Can you now sell and buy somewhere nearby?
Kids like to visit but not sure they feel the same when you all live together, unless it was like that from when they were babies, perhaps it feels like having 2 mums opinions on their coming and going, I

He probably tells his parents he hates them too - children are like that aren’t they? My 8 year old Gd screamed that she hated her mummy for ever because D refused to French plait her hair at bedtime over Christmas and 6 year old GS sobbed “You’ve ruined my life” when his mummy tried to hurry him up getting ready for school!
I think we feel it more because they are so special to us and as visitors we are special to them! Take it as a sign of acceptance, but for your own happiness perhaps dial down the Granny input (no jokes!) and don’t force the issue.
Remember those sayings-Familiarity breeds contempt and Absence makes the heart grow fonder!

I’m wondering what the daughter doesn’t believe gaylemcdo about. There are probably so many more things we don’t know about, but I would just be inclined to let the boy have some space, and wait for him to come round. Perhaps if he’s older you could ask him if he’s unhappy about you being there? I know my own sons were most intolerant of the Bodach’s mother and stepfather’s ‘jokes’, and how they spoke to them as if they were babies ( rather than the macho 12, 10, and 8 year olds they were!)

This is just a phase. Give him space. I'm afraid that children often find being seen with "old" people very embarrassing. It does nothing for their Street Cred' and they can't relate to another generation very easily. Don't take it personally. Do your own thing and don't try to enter into his world at the moment. It will pass.

My DGS and DD live with me. When I worked and Mum was at home, I was the favourite. I'd swoop in and do bedtime and take him on trips at the weekend.

Now, we've swapped. DD/Mum is at work and I'm the boring, day-in, day-out childcare. Mum has gone from being 2nd best to his favourite.

I'm not gonna lie, it does hurt, and those on here saying it's silly to feel that way are unrealistic. However, we do have to remember that we are the adults and that as grandparents we are only of secondary importance. So, while it hurts, we have to grin and bear it.

However, if you have invested your money in the place you're all living, you need to remind your DD that if you move out, you'll have to sell and that would mean they'll have to move too.

Protect your financial interests!

As a child I would love our weekly visit to my grandmother, however when she moved in, I was ten,things changed.

When I used to visit I would like the way she was so interested in what I had been doing, her fussiness over things was funny,her repeating of stories was comforting. But living with it was suffocating and irritating. I dealt with it by rarely being in the same room as her and remember sighing and tutting when told to go and spend time with her.

In no way am I saying this is your situation, it just reminded me of how it was for me as a child.

'gaylemcdo' hasn't returned to say how old the grandson is. I assume primary age, and probably resents being collected from school by somebody new. Maybe he feels grandma is always around (in his face and on his case)?

I do wonder about this need to be 'liked' by a small kid, too. Is too much expected from this new life? Why not get on with your own things and let the family have some space?

Hetty58

'gaylemcdo' hasn't returned to say how old the grandson is. I assume primary age, and probably resents being collected from school by somebody new. Maybe he feels grandma is always around (in his face and on his case)?

I do wonder about this need to be 'liked' by a small kid, too. Is too much expected from this new life? Why not get on with your own things and let the family have some space?

My granny would have been devastated if we didn't like/love her. Fortunately for her (???) she died before we reached the obnoxious teenage stage.

Oh for goodness sake, of COURSE she wants to be liked - nay, loved - by a 'kid' that is her grandson! The reaction of the grandson can be worked out, I'm sure, on the basis of age/peer pressure etc. What I don't understand is daughter suggesting gaylemcdo move out. Clearly proper discussion called for, and also maybe plenty of activities outside the home. You can't put all your emotional eggs in one basket - families can be tricky, as we know.

Franbern I think what you said was exactly right.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you Gayle. I will be sad when my dgds ‘grow’ out of me, but I expect it will happen sooner or later.
I’m sure he doesn’t hate you though, and will come back to you when he is more mature and knows you love him.
Lots of other supportive messages above, I hope you can manage to find lots of things to do to make you feel better about yourself. Tricky though when you’re living with your family.

My gran came to live with us when I was ten. I caused huge upheaval for our family. My brother was 16 and he found it very difficult. We were short of space and could no longer bring our friends into the house. I was young enough to adapt but my brother moved out when he was 18. Dont underestimate the effect of having a gran move in.

You’ve gone from a granny to an every day care giver, parental role. He will take time, maybe try do granny things with him and not take on the every day things. What did you do before that you don’t do now? And stay out of family dynamics, let them all
Have their space and try be a nanny to him again. In his eyes you are now another adult in his life, rather than a nanny figure. I went on holiday with my family and my granddaughter ignored me for week , I think they like us as a separate person to spoil them. Kids are funny things sometimes,

At present this sounds like teething problems and hopefully things will settle down. It often sounds like a good idea to move granny in but in my experience with friends of my mum those who had a small flat or property round the corner were far happier.