Tired husband

I agree with Rosalyn on this. OP's husband is not unreasonable to dislike mess and upheaval in his home. I know I would hate it!

Maybe you could care for the child in his own home? Or perhaps only have him once a week and cut out the weekend stays?

I understand that you have a close bond with your grandson but, if it came to a choice between making my partner unhappy or seeing less of my grandchild, I'd opt for keeping the peace at home. (And no, that's not me being a doormat and giving in to a controlling spouse; I just know where my priorities lie).

You will never get this special time back again. Ignore him and spend these days with your grandchild.

I personally wouldn’t want to look after grandchildren regularly. So many friends have got themselves unable to go on holiday or days out due to caring responsibilities. I’ve done caring of elderly parents which prevented such freedom.

Once a week and the odd weekend is not too much, and time so precious and short.

I do agree check out his tiredness: but it seems to me - to repeat- there is some jealousy - its not as if he has to childcare.

Perhaps he feels he ought to if GD comes more hands on than he wants: free him of that obligation, say its fine, but very soon that delightful little child will grow up, its a lovely age.

For some, it isn't too much, for others, it is.

Yes you are out of line Rosalyn most of us are proud and privilege to baby sit or children sit
Ignore your grumpy husband if he’s usually in his shed anyway once a week and the odd weekend is nothing Kids grow up and leave us so quickly I wouldn’t have missed a minute with any of my grandkids although I was so tired sometimes Now they are all gone their various ways I d love that time back

Scribbles

I agree with Rosalyn on this. OP's husband is not unreasonable to dislike mess and upheaval in his home. I know I would hate it!

Maybe you could care for the child in his own home? Or perhaps only have him once a week and cut out the weekend stays?

I understand that you have a close bond with your grandson but, if it came to a choice between making my partner unhappy or seeing less of my grandchild, I'd opt for keeping the peace at home. (And no, that's not me being a doormat and giving in to a controlling spouse; I just know where my priorities lie).

How many Grandchildren do you have Scribbles?

I would give anything to look after my little grandson one day a week and so would my DH. Sadly, he lives on the other side of the world. Treasure your time with him. You are so lucky.

LOUISA1523 - None at all and that situation is unlikely to change, although why this should be any of your business, I'm not sure. The OP asked for opinions so I stated mine.

I'd say tough grandad, it's your home too and the opportunity for these precious moments will soon be gone.

It's one day a week. If it were 5 days a week I'd sympathize, but it isn't. And grandad GOM has a bolt hole.

Time with grand children is fleeting. Don't let him in the shed spoil it.

At 68 my partner made more noise and mess than the grandchildren 😂 Just ignore his moans.

Op

What kind of father was your dh? Involved and present in his kids' lives?
Distant and hands off?

mokryna

Make the most of having him now, he will soon grow up and want to do other things.

ONCE a week you say. He is behaving like a spoilt br*t and being very selfish.

If he’s not usually grumpy and awkward I’d be considering if there was an underlying health issue.

If he’s OK then it needs a conversation. Assuming he agreed to your grandson being with you when the arrangement began what’s changed? On the surface yes he is being inconsiderate to you, your grandson and your grandsons parents. You enjoy what you do, surely a compromise to be had somewhere, September will soon be here and your caring much reduced. Not so long to wait.

Scribbles

LOUISA1523 - None at all and that situation is unlikely to change, although why this should be any of your business, I'm not sure. The OP asked for opinions so I stated mine.

Because someone without grandchildren is likely to have a very different viewpoint to a Granny
......like yourself and the other poster....you sound very defensive..

Many thanks for all your messages and views. Just to clarify, my daughter in law works from home and we have my grandson one day a week so she can get on with her work. The weekends are not a regular thing, only 2 or 3 occasions in total, the recent times where we had my grandson longer were to help out after daughter in law had surgery. My husband has had our grandson help in the garden and the workshop occasionally, and does play with him when he comes indoors.As a couple we do lots together, walks, outings, boating, none of this had been stopped by caring for our grandson. Hubby does have some health problems as do I, but I do try and occupy grandson in another room if hubby wants to watch TV. I also take him out a lot. I have considered looking after him at his own home, but then he and his grandad will miss out on spending time together. I can fully appreciate some people do not want to undertake care if their grandchild, it is up to individual choice. Having spoken with my husband again, he has said he doesn't want us to stop having our grandson. Just gets grumpy now and again. Is a bit like it when family and friends visit, Huff's and puffs before they arrive and after they have gone, but pleasant and sociable once they are here.

LOUISA1523 - Defensive? That's a strange inference to draw from my posts. As I said, opinions were asked for and I offered mine which may be different from your own but no less valid.
Anyway, it appears from her post at 22:41 that the OP and her husband are on the way to resolving the issue so let's just wish them well, however things are settled.

Must say that I agree with < Rosalyn > and <scribbles: on this , I have four grandchildren and I wouldn’t want to be looking after them in the week either . As already stated, that doesn’t mean I love them any the less than any of you , it’s just not for me as I like my time to myself and my partner . I see them when I visit my daughter & son and I enjoy that special time with them very much . I have friends who are governed by looking after their grandchildren and it’s very hard to make any arrangements for us to meet for lunch or anything.

I love my DGD staying overnight, but I'm shattered afterwards. I just veg out, lots of cups of tea, sandwiches, no tidying, vacuuming, shopping whatever the next day. The idea of having someone who wants me to tidy up, cook etc. No I could not cope.

The relationship is more important than the mess!

I remember the house could look as if it had been burgled after a long session with grandchildren, but in reality, it often took very little time to put back together. You can always leave the "ramsacked" room until the following morning, it can look a mess but often takes minutes to get straight.

That stage goes all too quickly imo, your husband can butt out if he so wishes, but he doesn't have to deny you.

Oops Ransacked not ramsacked.

fancythat

Your husband says it is too much.
Doesnt like the mess, upheaval and lack of peace and quiet.

He is 50% of things.

I agree with this it is your husband's house as well as yours. Maybe he would like some time with you alone, maybe he is not feeling too well.
Why should he have to leave his home for the cold mashed or garden if he wants to be in a quiet house with his wife?
I think you need to talk and find out why he is starting to resent things and come to a compromise. As much as we love our children and grandchildren I would consider what my husband was saying.
It might just be getting too much for him and not what he planned for his retirement. He does deserve to be listened to and considered. We can all fall into the trap of putting children and their needs first and not our other halves.

Not all GPs are born to be carers for their GC. I was often grateful that our relationships were limited to my weekend visits and family holidays. Maybe I have something in common with the OP's husband. Now I live closer to them and am able to see them much more frequently. They are all teenagers and young adults and we have great conversations, go shopping together and enjoy each other's company. I don't have to look after them. I suggest that you cut your husband some slack. If you try to push him to have more to do with the child, he might be put off for good.

i agree with Yammy.