Gransnet forums


Tired husband

(101 Posts)
GailNicho57 Thu 09-Feb-23 10:02:11

Hi, I have been looking after our grandchild once a week since he was a baby. We also have had him the odd weekend, and for almost a week when his mum had surgery. I do all if the care. His grandad does play with him and they have a good relationship, but he always moans after about the mess and upheaval. He is 68 and I am 66. My husband spends a lot of time in his workshop or the garden even on days that we don't have our grandson. However, he feels he wants peace and quiet and wants me to stop having our grandson, saying it is too much for him. I love having our grandson and he loves to come to us. He starts school in Sept. Am I inconsiderate if I carry in having him?

aggie Thu 09-Feb-23 10:05:52

No you’re not !
Let old grouchy retire to his workshop , take him the odd cup of tea to prove there are no hard feelings ,
Grandchildren grow up so quickly , mine are 6ft and growing !

timetogo2016 Thu 09-Feb-23 10:28:42

Aggie is spot on.
I used to have my G/children one day a week and over weekends and when they started school i felt lost,but had the best memories.

Redhead56 Thu 09-Feb-23 10:28:52

Tell your husband to selfishly take himself to his workshop. What an unreasonable man he sounds you enjoy your time with your grandchild while you can.

Wyllow3 Thu 09-Feb-23 11:09:28

Maybe he's jealous of your love and delight in grandchild.

Of course you dont give GC up!

Baggs Thu 09-Feb-23 11:15:12

No, you are not being inconsiderate. Your husband is. I think you need to ignore his complaints or tell him to stop being such a grump.

rosie1959 Thu 09-Feb-23 11:23:17

Of course you are not inconsiderate OP and as the child starts school in September this will make a difference.
You don't get the time back again with your grandchildren and your husband is only 68 hardly elderly not that it makes much difference as you do all the care.

Rosalyn69 Thu 09-Feb-23 11:24:53

I’m sure I’m out of line but I wouldn’t babysit my grandchildren (if and when I have any). I’m with your husband on this.

pandapatch Thu 09-Feb-23 11:31:06

I also think your husband is the inconsiderate one. How selfish to want you to stop having him when you do all the care. It's not long till your little grandson is off to school, so keep on having him and let your husband hide in his shed or garden.

Our grandson is about he same age as yours and loves helping his grandad in the garden, perhaps that might work for your husband?

Theexwife Thu 09-Feb-23 11:35:20

For me, it would depend on how many weekends out of the month that is. One a month would be fine but any more would be annoying.

If your husband is saying that it is too much for him then you have to take it into account, it is his home as well.

Where is your daughter at the weekend? could you look after your grandchild in its own home?.

LOUISA1523 Thu 09-Feb-23 11:36:29


I’m sure I’m out of line but I wouldn’t babysit my grandchildren (if and when I have any). I’m with your husband on this.

Come back and tell us that if you ever have any......I love spending time with my 3.....yes they are exhausting and I was a granny at 50 ....but one day a week is very doable and very rewarding....I'm 58 ...I still work 2 days a week and pick up my 3 GD most days after school and take to activities....I just love being with them ...but each to their own you not enjoy the company of young children?

25Avalon Thu 09-Feb-23 11:42:36

If this is whole weekends then maybe dh finds that very tiring and/or can’t relax. Perhaps you could compromise and just have gs for one day when dh can go into his shed or garden. I don’t think you should stop having gs altogether, just cut it back a bit.

pascal30 Thu 09-Feb-23 11:43:52

If your OH has his own space how can it possibly affect him..I think he's being rather selfish I'm sorry to say. If you love spending time with your grandson then do, the time is very fleeting and very valuable bonding time..

pascal30 Thu 09-Feb-23 11:45:56

PS maybe check out that there isn't a reason for your OH's tiredness?

Millie22 Thu 09-Feb-23 11:48:35

Your husband sounds to me like a gom aka grumpy old man. I look after my grandchild one day a week and it is a very special time. The last two years have flown by and once they start school they are never with you as much.

Rosalyn69 Thu 09-Feb-23 11:59:13

Not everyone wants to care semi/full time for their grandchildren. You can love them without being babysitters and childminders. This is just my view. If one enjoys it then that’s great but not all grandparents want to do that. It doesn’t make them odd or uncaring.

Kate1949 Thu 09-Feb-23 11:59:32

Oh Rosalyn As Louisa says, wait until you get some grandchildren. I was horrified at the thought of being a grandmother. Boy did that change when she was born. I couldn't get enough of her and still can't and she's in her 20s now.

biglouis Thu 09-Feb-23 12:00:25

Hubby sounds as though he is a bit jealous of the attention you give your grandchild. Men can act very grumpy and immature if they are not the center of attention. An old schoolfriend once invited me to stay over the weekend. Her husband "hid" in the garage/workshop the entire time and only came out for meals. I felt quite uncomfortable as though I had invaded their home and never stayed again.

Betterlatethannever Thu 09-Feb-23 12:01:25

This is the time pre school when relationships with granparents are being built,the foundation stages when memories are being made and will stay with the grandchild as he grows,they grow up too quickly,i have looked after all my grandchildren on a daily basis and they are all very close and loving towards us.
I would advise your husband to cherish this time instead of complaining,yes they do make a lot of mess and are noisy but if you want good future relatioships with him yiu will have to get over it,do not give the one day you have with him up OP

AGAA4 Thu 09-Feb-23 12:11:51

Could it be that your DH isn't feeling 100% for some reason. It could be a reason why he finds the little one tiring.
Don't stop having your grandson but leave your DH to his own devices but ask him if there is something not right with him. Maybe you could take your grandson out for some of the time?

fancythat Thu 09-Feb-23 12:39:42

Your husband says it is too much.
Doesnt like the mess, upheaval and lack of peace and quiet.

He is 50% of things.

Katie59 Thu 09-Feb-23 12:43:33

It sound fairly normal to me many men are like that if the child goes to school next year husband will get his wish. I’m a similar age and we do a lot of things together so it’s great, I hope you find a way of being happy together.

mokryna Thu 09-Feb-23 12:43:40

Make the most of having him now, he will soon grow up and want to do other things.

Hithere Thu 09-Feb-23 12:53:36

I can see your dh's pov

What would you be doing (together and independently) if your gc was not there?

You need to talk and reach a compromise

Maybe babysitting your gc in a different location (not your home) would work?

Not all grandparents center their lives around the gc

Soozikinzi Thu 09-Feb-23 12:53:53

Can you look after him round at their house at least part of the time as a compromise ? Still look after him though ! This lovely time with them is so short .