Tired husband

It’s horrible isn’t it... 🌺

It's precious to look after a grandchild and build foundations of a loving long term relationship - and it doesn't last for very long in our long lives. So do not give it up! But listen to your husband and ask questions to find out what really bothers him and see if there are reasonable changes you could happily make to show him his needs are taken into account too. As women we can easily run the risk of giving way on things which really matter to us, for peace. There is another way - and it does mean listening to each other - I hope that can work for you both and I wish you on-going joy with your grandchild.

If hubby is being grumpy about this, don’t give in and continue what you love doing.
What might he ask for next if he feels like withdrawing grumpily.
Yes, get him a chat and health check with his GP.

Your husband is apparently unhappy and 68 is not old these days.
Retirement can be a big adjustment for anyone who has worked for the whole of their adult lives (assuming this is in fact, the case).
Maybe the OP's husband had unrealistic expectations of being retired? Was this discussed between them before or just after retirement? Would having something specific to do together make a difference to his attitude?
No, I don't think you should stop having the Grandchild - but something does need to be done to establish why the husband says he is in need of "peace and quiet" - in my opinion, of course. I hope the situation can be resolved amicably.

It isn’t just about grandparents enjoying having the children, or giving their parents time for themselves for either work or pleasure, it also about us giving something. We’re teaching the children about families, that a family isn’t just the children and parents. We’re also contributing to their sense of history, and giving them love and happy memories

Please do t stop having him. They grow so quickly, enjoy every minute of it. My granddaughter is six now and it gets better and better. If my husband objected he’d be told where to go….the garden shed obvs

I personally don’t resent one minute spent with my GC but they are tiring, I admit that. I think a conversation with DH at a time when you’re out doing something (fairly mundane, a coffee maybe) together? Try to arrive at a compromise, the suggestion that you childmind in the child’s house? Good luck!

Sorry but no. It is her house too- why should she have to go to another house, for 1 day a week, because his Lordship wants peace and quiet??? A lot less than 10% of the time. If he was ill, or post op, etc, it would be another story, but he is just about retirement age fgs.

What was your husband's manner towards your children?

Did he leave them entirely to you?

If so, you could hardly expect him to want a little grandson around.

What exactly does he suggest you occupy yourself with, instead of looking after your grandson?

IMO he should be able to "put up with" you doing what you want for ONE DAY A WEEK!

I might have felt more sympathy for your husband, and so might you, if you had been providing day-care five days a week. So no, I do not think you are being unreasonable or inconsiderate in wanting to continue doing what you are doing,

However, if this tiredness, grumpiness , or whatever you want to call it, is a new trait in your husband, I do feel you should try to find out if there is anything else behind it than not wanting a little child around the place.

My husband has been "poorly" in the sense of being lethargic sleeping badly, having back-ache, eating poorly and catching every cold or tummy-upset that was going the rounds.

Finally, he made, or rather I made, with his consent, an appointment with a chiropracter, as we both knew this would at least relieve his back-ache, which it has.

It has also made an astonishing improvent in all the other issues.

So, don't just put up with a man of 68 feeling old and tired.

Pack him off to the doctor for a health check to start with, or sit him down to a frank discussion of what is really worrrying him.

You don't mention whether retirement is new for him - lots of men find the transition to retirement hard, nor what you do while your husband is in the garden or workshop on the days where you are not looking after the child.

On the face of it he sounds unreasonable, but if you are engrossed all the other days with hobbies, voluntary work or the like, he could be feeling that you have no tme for him any more.

It is his house too. I hope they can reach a compromise. I don’t think OP looks on her husband as his “lordship”, her posts sound quite measured …

IrishDancing

It is his house too. I hope they can reach a compromise. I don’t think OP looks on her husband as his “lordship”, her posts sound quite measured …

My reply was about suggestions she should either stop, or go to the ACs house to look after GC, for ONE day a week. Anyone would expect her to go to another house to look after GC, for 1 day a week- sounds controlling and selfish. AS said, if ill or post op, or very elderly, would be another story.

NO! Hubby’s thinking is out of line and he’s rather selfish. Continue on as you are doing. (In time he may change his mind…)
Case closed! Keep up the good work, Grandma. 🥰
Cheers!
USA Gundy

Typical man! Never grows up. Enjoy your GC, such a special time. Send grumpy to the workshop where hopefully he'll work out what's important in life.

Make the most of your grandchildren if you are lucky enough to live close enough to look after them !! I have four grandchildren whom i love very much but because of geography/ distance am not able to care for them in any way. It’s very hard and this is not how i envisaged my life as a grandmother would go but you crack on and enjoy them however you can . Especially as its not long till gs starts schools!!

Everyone seems to be very sympathetic towards your dh. Remember that before you know it, your dgc will be at an age where he'd rather go out with his mates than spend time with grand parents. Make the most of it and tell dh he can go and hibernate in his shed .

Maybe someone suggested this already - how about a compromise. 1 week you babysit your grandson at his house and the other week he comes to you.
So he is really only twice a month as yours and I am sure your husband can put up with that.
You will still see him every week.
For the odd weekend, again try to alternate or be at his house for most of the time and come for some hours to yours

It's his loss, and he may even live to regret it when he sees the relationship you have developed with your Grandchild. These are golden years, so carry on and make the best of them.

Hi there, we all know they are so little for such a short time and time spent with them is precious. I think your husband is lucky to have a place to retreat! I look after my 3 year old GS 4 days a week, I split it between my daughters house and our home, my husband recently retired but did need a break from the noise and the toys! Unfortunately we don’t have a shed for him to retreat to. I wouldn’t give up looking after him, he brings so much joy to our life’s as I’m sure yours do. In a blink of an eye there grown up 😩❤️

It is totally wrong that he thinks you should stop. I look after my youngest grandson on a Tuesday I am dreading the day he starts school and the day he's too old to want to go to Nana's.

Is your DH ill? Maybe the stress of it all really is too much for him even though you do most of the caring. Maybe he retires to his workshop more than he would like to, perhaps he wants to spend more time with you. It is his home too and maybe you need to consider that. Has he always been 'grumpy' or is this a new thing?

A frank discussion and maybe some compromise could be the answer. Just putting your foot down or giving in without discussion would probably lead to resentment for one of you which is best avoided.
If your relationship is basically good, you no doubt want to agree on this, not fight over it.
If your grandson is nearly school age, he could help his grandpa with some gardening or basic tasks. Maybe a rough schedule for the day could facilitate an agreement about having him once a week till he goes to school?
Could your grandson do 20 mins tidying before he goes home ( maybe a reward involved)?
Could you afford a cleaner the next morning? ( yes - a serious suggestion).
We have 9 grandchildren and didn't tend to have the older 7 regularly or overnight as we both worked full-time and I worked some weekends. They are now aged 12-19.
Our two youngest ( 1 &5) stay overnight maybe every fifth or sixth weekend and we help at other times too.
At 67 and 68 we are exhausted afterwards! People's stamina and health varies hugely.
None are my DH's biological GC but he is fantastic with them all - in spite of heart problems, an aneurysm, arthritis etc! The 5 year old ( who also has ADHD) helps change lightbulbs (safely), vacuums, empties the dishwasher and happily goes off on trips on the train with pappy which they both enjoy.
I hope you manage to reach an agreement - especially as the day a week is only till September.

I think this DH is feeling that he's no longer number one in her affection. Maybe she could be specially reassuring that he really is. Men can be very touchy, poor things.

Aggie is spot on 👍❤️ they are only little for a short time ❤️

If the tiredness is a new thing he really should have a health check. There are several serious conditions where the first warning is fatigue.

It seems that nowadays that most grandparents have to look after their grandchildren. Although my grandparents only lived a bus ride away we only visited them about four times a year. My mother only once looked after my daughter while I was in hospital having my son. They kept one in hospital for ten days in the 1940s.
I never looked after my grandchildren because their mother never went to work until they were all at school and then she worked at the same school.