Fake profiles and accounts

Sometimes they seem to have more than one but in the end you can pick them because they revert to type! VPNs can be a curse as well as a blessing.

There are certain people who thrive on fake accounts!

I think for many people (not all) separating from one's parent causes a continual ache. A wound that refuses to heal. In this circumstance someone, like you VS, would only maintain this separation if that wound is preferable to the alternative. It is, you know it is. Not all parents are healthy or impart love in a healthy way. Your mother by all accounts was awful. She was cruel. I wouldn't have let a person like that near my children. That someone is blood related to you doesn't automatically make them safe. There are of course many accounts on this board of good loving grandparents deprived of their healthy relationships but that is not every case or your case.

Honestly, I think this type of behavior and the consequences from it is in it's infancy.

If all she is doing is creating new account and messages do not include violence, threats or abuse, there is nothing the police can do.

It is something every person who is stalked goes through. There never seems to be enough to prosecute, and IMO a lot of abusers know where the line is to not cross. It is part of the tactic of harassment they use. They aren't breaking the law, but still are terrorizing their victims.

It's a tough one, I think we are just not quite over the boundary..

And some people just don't seem to see the issue

Her messaging my children how hurt and devastated she is just looks like her pain to some..

To me it looks like she is trying to make them feel bad on their birthdays when many other days are available.

Even with police I guess you don't know who you are going to get

This sort of thing is so so common now!

People set up fake profiles to get into people's private social media, or to be nasty and pretend it isn't them

I just can't understand that thinking

I'm surprised anyone would say that it's okay as it's in the public domain.

This is from the Met Police website:

If a person sends you threatening, abusive or offensive messages via Facebook, Twitter or any other social networking site, they could be committing an offence.

The most relevant offences are 'harassment' and 'malicious communications'. For harassment to be committed, there must have been a clear 'course of conduct'. That is, two or more related occurrences. The messages do not necessarily have to be violent in nature, but would need to have caused some alarm or distress.

It may of course depend on what is said in the messages as to whether the police would get involved, I don't know.

www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/har/harassment-on-social-media/

If a person asks another person, not matter who, not to contact them any longer, it should be respected. Not doing so becomes harassment at best.

You were right in making the decision to stop contact for yourself and your minor children due to the abuse you have described. I also commend you for allowing your adult children to make the choice, it is her fault if they do not.

I've tried and they said because it's in the public domain, it is OK...

I think that's wrong and we should be stamping down on this sort of thing really

What's the difference between a family member and a bulky if the family member is the bully

But my mother sets up new profiles to message my children. My children block her and she starts a new one. Facebook, Instagram, even Snapchat so each new email or phone number she gets means an influx of new profiles

Is that not harassment? Can you involve ? The police?

AreWeThereYet

^The other issue is that these new profiles pop up for people's special days and sometimes upsets them on what should be a happy day.^

I'm sorry, I don't understand this. People have to be invited to access someone else's account. How are these new profiles popping up?? Have I misunderstood?

I don't use a lot of social media and I have deleted all but one to prevent this issue and have high security

I had to shut down my old email and create a new one too which was a mammoth task.

But my mother sets up new profiles to message my children. My children block her and she starts a new one. Facebook, Instagram, even Snapchat so each new email or phone number she gets means an influx of new profiles.

It's interesting to me because I always believed her when she said she wasn't tech savvy. That is blatantly not true

The other issue is that these new profiles pop up for people's special days and sometimes upsets them on what should be a happy day.

I'm sorry, I don't understand this. People have to be invited to access someone else's account. How are these new profiles popping up?? Have I misunderstood?

AGAA4

Some relationships are toxic and have to end. This can be hard for both sides but in most cases one side doesn't continually harass the other.

I would find that totally unacceptable.

Indeed.

Cut offenders away, be over with all toxic behaviour.

I do too and I don't understand how it's less frowned upon than say, an abusive ex husband.

On the other side, it's obviously not a healthy mental situation for the person doing it.

I would like it to stop really. I left the door open for a long time in regards to getting counselling together etc

But then I found out from another family member that she would estrange us after we had let her back in and she got to have her say.

So I asked for no contact

The other issue is that these new profiles pop up for people's special days and sometimes upsets them on what should be a happy day.

Some relationships are toxic and have to end. This can be hard for both sides but in most cases one side doesn't continually harass the other.

I would find that totally unacceptable.

I am afraid it doesn't matter how she feels, she destroys her own relationships and only has herself to blame for that.

My children shouldn't carry any guilt for that, the guilt is hers to carry

If my children wanted to see or speak to her they would, especially the grown adults. I don't tell them what to do

VioletSky

We are respectful of our children's needs and wishes in our home, none of them want a relationship with her.

So I'm afraid it doesn't matter how she feels as they are my priority

And they don't want any contact from her and do not like it when she sets up another profile and messages them or tries to add them as a friend

She has no right to my children they have their own rights

Absolutely!

So I'm afraid it doesn't matter how she feels as they are my priority

Umm.

Complex issues are rights according to Wikipedia

“A right to life, a right to choose; a right to vote, to work, to strike; a right to one phone call, to dissolve parliament, to operate a forklift, to asylum, to equal treatment before the law, to feel proud of what one has done; a right to exist, to sentence an offender to death, to launch a nuclear first strike, to carry a concealed weapon, to a distinct genetic identity; a right to believe one's own eyes, to pronounce the couple husband and wife, to be left alone, to go to hell in one's own way.”

We are respectful of our children's needs and wishes in our home, none of them want a relationship with her.

So I'm afraid it doesn't matter how she feels as they are my priority

And they don't want any contact from her and do not like it when she sets up another profile and messages them or tries to add them as a friend

She has no right to my children they have their own rights

I think it is extremely sad when grandparents are de[rived of all contact with their grandchildren. I have seen this happen with two close friends whose daughters in law caused the division but their husbands, the sons, initially supported their wives, although eventually they did arrange for them to see the grandchildren. The usual story is that the grandchildren made their own decision but in the two cases I saw the children were all fond of their grandmothers and couldn't understand why they were suddenly deprived of their company.
But as has been said, only one side of the story is available, and the estrangement isn't our business.

Is it a fake account or an anonymous account? On GN it’s anonymous and provided you are careful with postings it remains so. That doesn’t mean a poster can’t be unkind to you but you can report it and some will stand up for you.

If you block someone they should not be able to access your fb account. I do What’s App which can block numbers and on group act only certain people are invited.On Twitter I use a pseudonym so I can’t be positively identified.

So tbh I don’t really see the problem with social media if you use it carefully or even not at all. If someone sets up multiple accounts I don’t see how it helps them access your private account. Perhaps VS you are being a bit paranoid but not without good reason. Keeping away from toxic situations is not easy and the fact you have to from your own mother can only make it worse.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

I think it is sly and dishonest to hide behind a different person as in the original post. I think it isn’t really too good to change identities on forums like this, either. You wonder why - easy to pick anyway.

When I saw this thread title my immediate thought was of the threads which have recently disappeared after a very short lifespan. Somebody at HQ seems to be on the qui viive at identifying “dodgy” accounts/usernames

GrammyGrammy

Morally? I think it worse than physical murder to deprive a loving grandmother of her grandchildren. Unless there is sexual or physical abuse then to absolutely deprive the children of having a grandma is evil beyond belief. I sympathise with any grandparent desperate to have a peek of their family to know they are safe and doing ok.

Interesting.

Adult parents have no right to decide who their own children interact with? GP can only be "deprived" GC for sexual or physical abuse? How would that work? What about being toxic people or trying to destroy the marriage of the AC?

I suppose GP should send in flying monkeys to talk for them?

I disagree, completely, with your post!!!