Why won’t people answer their phones

Obviously nowadays things are a bit different with mobile phones. It could be really inconvenient if someone is out or in the middle of something. They could be up a ladder or on the loo! I would contact your son and innocently ask if DIL's phone is OK.

I hate being left voicemail - much prefer texts or WhatsApp if I’ve missed a call.

I rarely answer my phone either. Try messaging her on WhatsApp - she can then reply at her own convenience 😊

Goodness, since when did phoning your children or in-laws label one as a “pest” personally, if it’s inconvenient I don’t always answer my phone, I never answer unknown numbers but ALWAYS pick up the phone if it’s a family member or call them straight back when I can if driving etc. My kids know better than to not respond to a text or phone call because they know it upsets me sometimes especially if it is genuinely urgent and concerns another family member 😊I don’t expect anyone to always pick up but I do expect them to call back or message back - it’s just rude not to 😊

I don't answer the landline these days unless the caller display shows either of two people I know who don't use mobiles. One doesn't hear well and finds mobiles more difficult to hear, and the other is just not into mobiles much, although she does have one. Now that scammers can make the number they are calling look like a local one, I just don't answer any number I don't recognise on landline or mobile. If anyone wants me and leaves a message, I will of course get back in touch.

Send her the update in a text and that way she can't deny being told.

Have you tried sending a message stating what the crisis is ? She might not realise the importance of it.

Just tell her what she needs to know in a message and then she can’t say she wasn’t told and can contact you if she wishes! No idea of your situation but I wouldn’t have called my mother in law back!

Sorry but that last line says it all. Your precious son is to busy for his own family and she has all the time in the world.

I would take the hint she doesn't want to speak to you for whatever reason and it may have nothing to do with you. As has been suggested write her a polite letter with the information, then should her phone/wifi not be working you have the satisfaction of knowing you have given the news. Then leave her to contact you. We cannot control other people's behaviours much though some of us may wish we could and try to.

I have no landline, just a mobile and it's on silent a lot. If I don't answer it, they ask why I didn't have it with me because that's what it's for, to carry around. Its not strapped to me 24/7, it's actually a damn nuisance at times and if you don't get me I'll call you back when it's suits me.

I am widowed for 8 years and 8 years ago I asked a colleague of my husband to give a short homily, he did and was very weepy. Soon after his wife, whom I knew well through work functions, had cancer and I gave her a geat deal of verbal support. She died and I continued with verbal support to her husband who rang me several times.

I have taken to not answering the phone if it is him, yorkshire, kind, dour and continuing with the energy-draining. It is two years since his wife died and I am making a good and cheerful life for myself. He rang again today and I have completely ignored it, again. I feel as though my space is being invaded, just because I was kind. I wish people would get the hint

One of my friends, who like me is now widowed & living alone had been trying to contact both of her sons by phone, neither answered for a couple of hours, when one of then finally did she jokingly said it’s ok I called th’ambulance myself!! I think they got the message!
I know it’s not always convenient to talk but I would always try to ring family members back, you just never know what could have happened, especially if they are on their own.
Back to your situation, you could just send you dil a brief WhatsApp msg, that way she can’t accuse you of not keeping her informed. Not that she is really a top priority on the list of people you need to tell, as others have said it would be better to just let your son know, up to him then if he tells her.

This poor aunt does deserve a better treatment than being gossip

Why do you play that game?

It's up to your son to keep her informed of the family events that are applicable

Hithere

How is their relationship with their aunt?

There is no relationship to speak of, but my daughter in law, in the past, has made a great song and dance over the fact that no one keeps her up to date on family matters. They live 2000ks away from all of us. I try to do as she has asked, keep her informed but it is hard when she does not answer her phone or reply to messages and as I have said I am never sure what, if any, information my son relays to her.

We have both a landline and mobile.

The landline is what we use day to day and mobile only when we are out and about, and even then we mostly forget to turn it on.

My children alway ring me on the landline, and we can be on the phone chatting often for over an hour, which is why I always leave it to them to choose when to phone as they lead such busy lives.

I only ever phone them if I need to leave a message or ask about something or urgent help needed - like their dads heart attack etc.

It works well, certainly from my point of view, not sure about theirs, but they don’t complain.

My hairdresser says she always knows it is me phoning as I’m the only one using a landline😄

How is their relationship with their aunt?

ExDancer if I hadn't got a smartphone I'd probably just send a text message.
If no mobile at all I'd contact my son (or daughter if same-sex marriage) directly instead of through their spouse and ask them to get her to please get in touch.

I would probably have tried my son/daughter first to be honest as it was a family issue in the first place.

Norah

Our personal phone for our convenience, not for convenience of others, may not get answered. My husband's business phone always gets answered.

Perhaps her phone is just for her use? Email or call your son.

I quite understand people wanting a 'phone for their own convenience.

But if someone leaves you a couple of messages about a 'situation' within the family, surely it's only courtesy to, at least, send a short reply - even if it's only to acknowledge that you've got the messages? Just a "thanks for letting me know" can't take that long.

It's simply bad manners.

Kartush

I totally agree with all of you, and I rarely call my daughter in law as she does have a busy life but we have stayed with them and she always has her phone in her hand and looks at every beep and whistle.
I will update my son but I know for a fact he often does not update her on the things I tell him, once he forgot to tell her we were coming for a visit.
I am not sure about a letter, that seems so impersonal when the situation that I want to tell her about is that my husbands sister ( who she does like) is now in the final stages of terminal cancer and will go into a nursing home for palliative care.
But you are all right, it is her choice wether or not to answer her phone and I have tried to keep her informed so I guess I will call my son and if he does not pass on the information it is not my fault.

Good solution. He is your son and he (not dil) should be expected to do all of the heavy lifting in your relationship.

We've 4 SIL, we don't phone them, we talk to our daughters.

I would always reply to a missed call from a family member or someone close, usually through WhatsApp. Having said that, I won't answer my mobile if it is an unknown caller, which is so often a scammer., Similarly, I often ignore the home phone, depending on what I happen to being doing, have had some extraordinary voice messages from unknown callers, supposedly from HM Inspector of Taxes saying "there is a warrant out for your arrest"

Regarding friends answering the phone to other people when they are with you, yes that's annoying, particularly if a long conversation ensues. I actually have a friend who does that with her daughter, having seen her earlier and will see her again later, what's to say? they are never urgent. I really like the approach of another friend at her place when she answered the phone she said "Hi whoever, I'm with these people right now, so I'll get back to you another time" and, if the situation isn't urgent, I think that is the ideal response.

ParlorGames

I always think that WhatsApp is the way to go. You know when the message has been read and have a permanant record for later on if anyone claims 'I didn't know'.
I would try calling, maybe twice, then I would resort to messaging as I never know when my offspring are working, in meetings, etc.

Definitely, me too. It's my families preferred way. If I want a call I'll WhatsApp and ask when is convenient if I need a grown up chat out of the ears of Grandchildren. I too prefer to be able to respond when able properly not on the spur of the moment.
If family is in acute situation, whatsapps fly too and fro.

I think the change is not just in the technology, its in what is regarded as meaningful contact.

I regard our whatsapps as meaningful as a phone conversation, unless something actually needs to be properly discussed, and WhatsApp allows face time as well as messages, and think the generations ahead of us probably do too and this may be the way ahead if we're running into trouble with phone calls.

I agree with previous posts that WhatsApp is most people’s preferred contact method nowadays. My adult DD’s are both in professions which make it difficult to take calls during the day and the evenings are taken up with family/social life etc. we have a “mum’s group” on WhatsApp and chat every day that way. They never answer their phones so I never bother with that. Come to think of it, the only people I actually chat to on the phone are those of my generation or older.

I totally agree with all of you, and I rarely call my daughter in law as she does have a busy life but we have stayed with them and she always has her phone in her hand and looks at every beep and whistle.
I will update my son but I know for a fact he often does not update her on the things I tell him, once he forgot to tell her we were coming for a visit.
I am not sure about a letter, that seems so impersonal when the situation that I want to tell her about is that my husbands sister ( who she does like) is now in the final stages of terminal cancer and will go into a nursing home for palliative care.
But you are all right, it is her choice wether or not to answer her phone and I have tried to keep her informed so I guess I will call my son and if he does not pass on the information it is not my fault.