How crass can you be ?

Yammy it wasn't actually an open question if the wording of the OP is right.
But it was crass.

I don’t agree maytime I’ve listened to a few interviews on this subject over the last couple of days and this question is inevitably asked or the answer proffered voluntarily, irrespective of the sex of the interviewer. It’s an integral part of the whole subject.

It was Justin Webb and Amol Rajan today.
I think it was Rajan who asked because I was particularly cross about the "tone" of the questions. Justin Webb tends to sound less pushy and invasive to me.

I could be wrong (for this very reason!).

I didn't see the interview.
It's amazing just how crass presenters can be .
But I think that sometimes they are " lost out for words "
I think that I would have said ,
" I can only imagine how devastingly terrible it was for you and that day must be something that you can never forget ."

I remember really floundering when a met a Jewish lady who'd lost her entire family in Auschwitz .
She's was one of many that I've met and it's hard to say the right thing .

Years ago , a rather irritating mother at my daughter's playgroup wanted to know why my parents didn't come to the nativity play .
I tried to skirt around her questions .
Eventually , I said the truth - both my parents are actually mentally ill -something which is very difficult for me to talk about .
To which , she replied
" Never mind , you've got your glam shoes on today ."
And laughed .

I wanted to punch her lights out !

Apologies by politicians for events of the distant past are meaningless, e.g., slavery, forced adoption, etc.

There wasn't just shame on the young Mothers themselves but on their parents and wider family also. Thank God things have changed with respect to that

Shiname, have you ever had contact with your daughter? (this might be a crass insensitive question also)

It is so true about the Fathers too. Lets not forget some of these babies will have been born because of sexual abuse too, which was also swept under the carpet

Crass indeed. It seems that many interviewers are working to a rigid script, to the extent that even when the interviewee has already given them the information, they trot out a question which has them repeat it. So basically, they often aren't listening to what they're being told, and never really engage with the interviewee.

So sorry for your loss Shinamae which of course lasts a lifetime and can never be healed. I was adopted so I am the other side of the coin. Nothing can heal the mother or the adopted baby.

JaneJudge

There wasn't just shame on the young Mothers themselves but on their parents and wider family also. Thank God things have changed with respect to that

Shiname, have you ever had contact with your daughter? (this might be a crass insensitive question also)

It is so true about the Fathers too. Lets not forget some of these babies will have been born because of sexual abuse too, which was also swept under the carpet

Many years ago, I did leave my details with an agency that was set up to put adoptees in touch with the birth mothers, but I never heard anything.
She had no choice in being adopted, but I respect her choice not to contact me.
My adoption was held up for some reason, and I had to keep her for 10 weeks, I was told that she was being adopted by two teachers who already had an adopted son
I was her birth mother, they are her parents..

My mother was born in Feb 1928, my grandparents wed in November 1927... My grandmother was horrible and bitter to my mother and blamed her for being forced to marry, right up to the day my grandmother died. I'm not sure how my grandmother would have been if my mother had been taken away from her and adopted, I'm guessing my mother would have had a much nicer life.

I hadn't heard of Magdalene laundries, until we moved to a bungalow in the grounds of a large house that had been one. Some snippets of history and stories of the women are horrendous, just so sad.

Shinamae, that must have been so hard for you having to look after her for that amount of time. Lots of love to you xx

Not sure what you mean about adopted children needing 'healing' omegal

Shinamae

I had my baby adopted from an unmarried mothers home in March 1972 and I absolutely remember everything about that day…. Including being told to dress her nicely, and put her in her crib in the nursery, and not to go in for the next hour…

Oh Shinamae

We fosteered a little girl - her 5th move in the 18 months since her birth. She is lovely and has always worked hard and made the best of her life. She contacted her mother, unbeknown to us, but it was a disaster though she remains in touch with her original family. and it is a comfort that she can have normal relationships with most of them. We were not allowed to adopt her as we are a different colour.

We have always been proud of her as she has become a valued member of her community. The only problem is that I feel a bit piqued when I am labelled as racist - and I am white. I wonder who is the racist?

Whether or not the questions and answers had been agreed on in advance, it is still a ridiculous question, and extremely hurtful, to have asked.

No woman forgets the day she gave up her baby for adoption, in exactly the same way as no parent of either sex forgets the day they buried a child who lived only seven hours, like my brother, or any child at all.

That said, I too am sick and tired of hearing politicians apologise for the slave trade, the capture of Sind, or for the climate of thought that until the 1970s made it impossible for many women to keep a child born to them while they were unmarried.

Oh, and thank you, dear lady, whoever you are or were, for giving up my younger sister, whom I would never have known and loved, if you had found it possible to keep her.

My mother was unmarried when I was conceived in 1949. Both my parents were serving in the Royal Navy at the time. I was amazed when she told me that she was offered several options by the RN. Namely, termination/fostering /adoption --there was an RN & RM Children's Home in Portsmouth - and remain in the RN OR leave the service. She opted to leave the RN and returned to her parents where she and my dad married a month after I was born. It was my requirement for my birth certificate in order to obtain a passport at age 18, in 1968, that led me to enquire about the dates.... The RN has had it's own Social Work Department since the 1968 Seebohm report. Partly as a result of my parents' story I trained as a Social Worker in 1986 and for 10 years - 1995- 2005 - of my career worked for the Naval Personal and Family Service in Faslane. It blows my mind that my mum could have chosen any of the other options or worse still, been forced to.....

I’m surprised your mother was offered a termination in 1949. It was illegal except in very narrow circumstances.

Yammy I think like you. The eras concerned did have an attitude of disgrace towards unmarried mothers but there were a lot of families who did accept and care for their offspring. I know of several whose actual mother not only being unmarried but below marrying age was regarded as a sister to the child until later in life. Apparently the official apology has been campaigned for. If it gives consolation to those affected, good. It seemed rather false to me.

Germanshepherdsmum

I’m surprised your mother was offered a termination in 1949. It was illegal except in very narrow circumstances.

My mum nearly died of peritonitis during the war and was told she c/would never have children as a result. She was treated in Invergordon Naval Hospital. I'm guessing that there were strong medical grounds for the offer of termination.... She certainly suffered a great deal of pain from abdominal adhesions throughout the remainder of her life but nevertheless went on to have another baby when I was 11. She was a very loving mother.

It’s as well she refused!

I think so!

Definitely!😊

4allweknow

Yammy I think like you. The eras concerned did have an attitude of disgrace towards unmarried mothers but there were a lot of families who did accept and care for their offspring. I know of several whose actual mother not only being unmarried but below marrying age was regarded as a sister to the child until later in life. Apparently the official apology has been campaigned for. If it gives consolation to those affected, good. It seemed rather false to me.

It does indeed feel like there has been a campaign to target the government to give an apology which, to me, does not make sense. I know a few babies born at this time who the extended family cared for and in time it worked out well. I am very aware that was not always possible but that has nothing to do with the government. As stated, it was another era and sometimes there were no easy answers. I hope the apology can help some people move on but it all seems rather false. Shinamae, what a very hard thing to go through after 10 weeks of caring for your baby. My heart goes out to you

Lots of love to you Shinamae and to anyone else in that situation.