How crass can you be ?

It was a crass question maytime2 but then it's usual for presenters to ask such stupid things eg how did you feel when your friend was killed?

I have to say I found the whole apology thing pointless and a sop to the voting public. The present governments were in no way involved so how could they apologise for others whose motives were unknown. Makes absolutely no difference to how I feel as someone who has experience of both sides of this particular fence.

I think the question was par for the course these days. Many more open questions seem to be asked by most reporters.
The people I would like to have been asked are probably no longer alive. What did the girl's parents feel at the time?
When at school I knew three girls who were in this position non of them was old enough to look after the baby.
I know this diverges from the original post but think it is important. All three girls were sent to mother and baby homes. One left her baby there, one poor baby unfortunately died and the third was allowed to bring her baby home and it was brought up in a loving family until she married.
Surely the attitude of the girl's parents had a lot to do with the final outcome. Thinking of my own they would have made their own minds and yes my mother would have made me give the baby up. My father would have regretted it for the rest of his life.

I totally agree, Yammy. If parents had been willing to have the baby at home and the mother wanted to keep her baby there would have been no ‘forced’ adoptions of babies born to girls too young to look after them. The parents have to bear some measure of blame rather than the government. Babies are surely better brought up by adoptive parents than in institutions.

All this historic apologising has got out of hand, and it’s an easy thing for politicians to do , gives them Brownie points.
An apology has to come from those concerned at the time or very shortly after or means nothing.
‘The past is a different country’ and so on.

I think it depends on what briefing the woman had before being asked the question. Its quite possible she knew it would be asked, if not, then the presenters/producers weren't doing their job, as asking her that without warning was inappropriate.

Questions like that are frequently asked on Women's Hour - by women - but one always presumes they have had a chat before appearing.

I had my baby adopted from an unmarried mothers home in March 1972 and I absolutely remember everything about that day…. Including being told to dress her nicely, and put her in her crib in the nursery, and not to go in for the next hour…

I think in the context of the discussion it was a legitimate question to ask
The whole point is to tell how cruel the system was then and to highlight the inhumanity existing then.
If you ever watch Long Lost Family it is always asked to mothers seeking their lost child.
The pendulum has swung so far now the I think more babies are born to unmarried mothers than to married ones, this is by choice even the ones living in stable relationships with loving partners.

Shinemae

Shinamae.
I'm so sorry, you are so brave to share such a horrible experience with us.
How many of us, of a certain age, "had to get married". There but for the grace of god go I.
I'm not religious, but that phrase sums it up.

So sorry Shinemae. I hope I have not upset you and brought back distressing memories.
You are courageous to admit and say what happened to you. I hope you got all the support you needed at the time. Unlike some of my school friends, I know what the situation would have been like in our house.
There but for the grace of God went a lot of us.

Shinamae

I had my baby adopted from an unmarried mothers home in March 1972 and I absolutely remember everything about that day…. Including being told to dress her nicely, and put her in her crib in the nursery, and not to go in for the next hour…

That's so sad, I'm so sorry that this happened to you

Shinamae . My husband was born in a maternity hospital where the unmarried mothers looked after the married ones, and saw their babies being taken away by the adoptive parents.

So sorry Shinamae. 💐

I too think that an apology decades later by subsequent governments or whatever are pointless and meaningless, and also think this applies to many other situations, not just forced adoptions. Talk’s cheap.

We can’t change what happened many years ago, we can only learn from the past.

I believe in these sorts of interviews it is usual for the interviewer to run through the kinds of questions s/he is likely to ask so that the interviewee can veto any that would be too upsetting. Obviously the program makers want to elicit as much "human interest" as possible but to avoid someone breaking down on camera. So when interviewers ask "how did you feel" the other party has an anticipation of what is coming.

He would have known that she did of course remember the day, hour and minute too! but it's their job to get the person to tell us about it.

Calendargirl

I too think that an apology decades later by subsequent governments or whatever are pointless and meaningless, and also think this applies to many other situations, not just forced adoptions. Talk’s cheap.

We can’t change what happened many years ago, we can only learn from the past.

You have put it very clearly we should learn from the past.

Calendargirl

I too think that an apology decades later by subsequent governments or whatever are pointless and meaningless, and also think this applies to many other situations, not just forced adoptions. Talk’s cheap.

We can’t change what happened many years ago, we can only learn from the past.

Listening to some of the poor women who were forced to give up their babies, they seemed to feel that at least the apologies did go some way to acknowledging their situation. Nothing can change what happened to them, but the ones I saw being interviewed seemed to be genuinely grateful that this was now being acknowledged.

Shinamae

I had my baby adopted from an unmarried mothers home in March 1972 and I absolutely remember everything about that day…. Including being told to dress her nicely, and put her in her crib in the nursery, and not to go in for the next hour…

The home itself was quite nice and the matron Mrs Liman. I still remember her now a lovely woman, a dour scot but with a heart of gold.
All the staff were lovely actually.
I just thank whatever that I did not go to the Magdalene laundries

Well put Calendargirl

I'm so sorry for all of you who had to give up your babies for adoption
If its any consolation the majority of us were adopted by loving families and had a good life. I was a post war ' mistake'

The past is foreign country, they do things differently there

At the time people really believed they were doing the best for both mother and baby. Moral values were different and there was little state help for parents at any level, married or not.

While women and children live who suffered under this system, I do think there is a place for governments to acknowledge the suffering of people under this system.

I sometimes wonder what we are doing now, which we think is kind and caring and the best way to help people in some unknown situation that we, in 50 years time will be condemned for, as being cruel and uncaring by the standards in place in 50 years time.

No.
The people to share some of the responsibility for these adoptions are the fathers of the babies. Very little is heard of them or from them; many disappeared like snow in the sunshine as soon as they learned of the pregnancy, (not all of them teenage schoolboys) and it was impossible to prove accurately who the father was.

Unfair to blame parents for not taking on a baby when their children were teenagers. Many parents did but at huge financial and emotional cost, and some mothers managed to survive, but only through a tremendous struggle.

People forget that to be an unmarried mother carried a huge stigma, there there were no benefits available, no suitable housing, no nurseries to enable the mother to work to support her child and no means of compelling the father to make any contribution. And certainly no safe abortion.

Thus it ever was eazybee

I'm glad you mention the father's easybee. As you say some just disappeared, my friend who brought her baby home eventually married her boyfriend and went on to have more children.
What she had done altered another forever she has never had a stable relationship and has broken many marriages by having affairs with married men. I can forgive her in some ways after being treated so cruelly.
As for people who were adopted into loving families I am pleased for them they got the love they deserved.