dementia is just the worst

Fleurpepper

Here is the interview between Alex and Nick Ferrari. Never been a fan of Ferrari, but as said above, on this occasion he was great

youtu.be/0S1yn-7SFGc

Thank you for that, it made me cry.
A few years ago, I watched the Terry Pratchett documentary when he accompanied somebody to Switzerland, and that was very touching as well.
The awful thing is that people have to end their lives before they should really because they cannot risk being demented, I certainly can’t

Primrose53

I was on a craft day a couple of years ago and met a lady whose husband had dementia. He was physically as fit as a fiddle and walked miles every day but never wore himself out.

His dementia was dreadful though. She said her life was hell as he wouldn’t allow any visitors into their house, ripped the phone out of her hands and he used to hurl abuse at her.

When neighbours told her they had seen him walking miles away and on very busy roads, her adult kids told her not to let him out alone so she tried locking the doors and he went crazy.

After years of physical and mental abuse she told me that she now sometimes thought the best thing would be if he was killed on the roads because neither of them had a life but she said it would be dreadful for the driver. Very sad.

My FiL was similar, Primrose53. He was still very physically fit and active, and was like a caged wild animal if not allowed out. When he lived with us (not for more than about a year, I couldn’t cope) he would take himself off and I would be beside myself with worry, since we lived not far from a busy road and he was no longer at all careful about crossing roads. Also, he would fly into absolutely terrifying rages about the tiniest thing - over which I usually had no control. I had to tiptoe on eggshells around him - and yet pre dementia we’d always got on very well and I was fond of him.

Finding a care home that wouldn’t lock him in was a major operation - I will always be so grateful to the one that finally took him - they were brilliant with him.

A care home near us has a special wing for people with dementia. There's a very nice special walking area that just circles back so the walkers can have a walk but are quite safe. Sadly, so many of them seem to be looking for someone or some familiar thing but of course can never find them and keep looking.

Aveline

A care home near us has a special wing for people with dementia. There's a very nice special walking area that just circles back so the walkers can have a walk but are quite safe. Sadly, so many of them seem to be looking for someone or some familiar thing but of course can never find them and keep looking.

I heard of one care home that installed a ‘bus stop’ with a bench somewhere in the garden - apparently it was a great success with residents who liked to think they were waiting for a bus to take them wherever.
My mother at over 90 went through a lengthy stage of wanting to visit her parents ‘because they must be getting old and could do with some help’.

So,of course I was forever promising to take her ‘tomorrow’ - we couldn’t go today because (suitable excuse). Her short term memory was by then virtually zero, so she never remembered that I’d said much the same before.

What a great idea Witzend. Two of the men on the ward I attend are always 'on the way to town' and looking for a bus.

When my mum was first admitted to her care home, we would see a lovely lady who was always dressed very elegantly, and thought she must be visiting someone. One day she appeared with her coat on, handbag etc and a member of staff asked her where she was going. It was only when she replied: "I need to go home, my mother will be expecting me for my dinner," that we realised she was a resident. Good job we did, as she would often be seen walking up and down the corridors and it would have been easy to hold the door open for her and let her out by mistake.

Yes, Blondiescot, my mother’s dementia-only care home always warned relatives new to visiting, never to assume that anyone was a visitor, not a resident, and inadvertently let them out. One or two would so often be lurking near the door, ready to slip out with any visitor who was being ‘buzzed’ out.

OTOH, when I was once visiting my mother, admittedly looking somewhat scruffy, since I’d been in the middle of DIY at home, I warned an evidently new visiting relative not to leave her handbag lying about (as she just had) because it’d ‘walk’. (The care home could resemble Kleptomania Central!).

But she looked so askance at me, I knew she’d taken me for a resident! Luckily one of the staff had overheard and (seeing the funny side!) hastened to repeat my warning.