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How much interest did your parents take in your education?

(125 Posts)
biglouis Sat 01-Apr-23 12:40:07

I grew up in a part of Liverpool which we would probably now call "respectable" working class. People in the area had mainly manual jobs in factories. If you weorked in a shop or office you were "posh".

Back in the 1950s school was somewhere they HAD to send me so far as my parents were concerned. What happened to me there was of very little concern to them. My mother was a SAHM until I was 14 then she got a part time job to make ends meet. The main priority was to get me to leave school and get a job (any job) to conribute to the family budget. Like many men of his time my father did not approve of his wife working. He was supposed to be the "breadwinner".

Even when I was studying for GCE my parents took no interest in whether I did my homework or passed my exams. In fact if he saw me with books out my father used to tell me to put it away and go and help my mother in the kitchen. Thats how much book learning was valued in our house.

The only good thing that occurred so far as school was concerned was that my father taught me to box and hit back when I was being bullied by an older much bigger boy. I broke his nose and was never bullied in school again.

By contrast my grandmother asked all the questions you would expect a parent to ask. What lessons I had done, what marks I had got. Had I misbehaved?

CBBL Mon 03-Apr-23 17:34:37

My parent's were not really interested in how I did at school. I was being bullied relentlessly and asked to leave at 16 (before taking my O levels. My mother got me a job in a local Woollen Mill after 2 days. I paid for a Typing Course myself, and worked in offices for the rest of my working life.

CountryMouse22 Mon 03-Apr-23 17:01:27

My parents never visited the school for parents night or anything like that. At least not that I remember. I was told off once for not wearing regulation shows and my Dad wrote to the headmistress to say he couldn't see how it made a difference! Nice of him to stick up for me. This was in the second half of the 60s. You read now about frazzled mothers having to participate in all sorts of school activities and I could never have seen my mum doing that.

Bijou Mon 03-Apr-23 16:32:23

My father was born in London in 1894 to an extremely poor family of thirteen children
He left school at fourteen and worked as an office boy but he went to college in the evenings. He served Egypt during the war and then worked for an evening newspaper. By the time he married in 1922 he was able to buy a house and motorcar and earn a good salary. My sister and I went to private schools and he was very interested in our progress.
My Headmisstress was disappointed when I left age sixteen but went to a school of commerce and languages for a year and then became a private secretary.

Nandalot Mon 03-Apr-23 13:37:32

We moved from Hertfordshire to Middlesex at Christmas when I was in the fourth (now10th) year . Almost immediately, I had to sit my mock English Language and Literature GCE which they did in that year. The first précis I ever did was in the actual June GCE. I wasn’t allowed by the school to take Physics and Chemistry GCE as my previous, all girls school, had only done combined and they said I would never catch up. I loved English and ended up being an English teacher but given the chance I would have liked to have pursued a career in the sciences.
My mum was wonderful but she had no concept of how difficult this was for me or how things worked. She was widowed when I was five and when my brother left for university, moved to be near family.

Treetops05 Mon 03-Apr-23 12:36:05

My parents couldn't have cared less as long as I stayed to 18 - I left at 16 and they were mortified. If they hadn't pushed I'd have stayed. Instead I got more degrees than my 3 'intelligent' siblings put together in my 30s.

Glorianny Mon 03-Apr-23 12:30:30

My parents and my grand father were passionate about education although they didn't have much themselves. That said they hadn't much knowledge about secondary education and grammar schools, but both myself and my older brother were expected to pass the 11+ and did so. The uniform was expensive but we had little money and there was help from the LEA. There weren't any parent's evenings and I don't think my parents ever set foot in my grammar school. My mother had been taught the phrase "Educate a woman and you educate the family" and believed it.
I was fortunate enough to have a full grant and trained as a teacher. It was a route many working class girls took because a university degree didn't guarantee a job and teacher training that way took a year longer.

Worthingpatchworker Mon 03-Apr-23 12:22:20

Both my sister and I were born in the 1950’s. My brother was born in the 60’s. My mother had grown up under the German belief system that women’s sole purpose was to increase the population and to be a great house keepers and the role of the man was to be the provider. Like many of the other people posting here my parents didn’t have more than a basic education. My father did his National service and then became a mechanic. Needless to say it didn’t pay well so, as soon as she was able, my mother took on part time jobs.
The education of my sister and I wasn’t important. My sister left school and got a job as soon as she could and both of us felt we were supposed to work until we found a husband. This is what my sister did but I was more fidgety and joined the WRAF…not for long…got the wrong trade but did get a skill which has stood me well.
However, at my later age of life I now realise two things motivate me …..learning and creating. I also, firmly believe I should have gone down the textile route as that has always been my stress relief. Anyway…my parents had such little regard for my education they took us to Canada for two years when I was 14….messed up my British education totally. So….in my 30’s I started back on the route of academic success…GCSE’s, A Levels, a diploma and a Degree with Honours.
Imagine where I might be now had I’d been nurtured and guided down the better route! My brother, on the other hand, had less impact on his education from the move to Canada. In his early to mid teens he received an apprenticeship….sought out by my father. He also avoided many domestic chores. When I challenged my mother about this her reply was ‘that’s how things are.’
When I got to the age of 19 I became a police officer….on equal pay, doing equal work…….the world was on the move….however…not there yet.

RakshaMK Mon 03-Apr-23 12:03:08

A lot, too much maybe in that I didn't have much say in what Senior school I went to (away from my friends), what subjects I studied, staying on to 6th form etc. Totally ignoring the fact I was being bullied and occasionally suicidal.

Caleo Mon 03-Apr-23 11:52:13

Jess, if "left at 15 with a curious mind" the little private school for girls did help you that most valuable lesson.

grannyro Mon 03-Apr-23 11:50:26

This is exactly how my childhood was. My mother was very nervous around teachers (and doctors) and never came to open evenings. We were never told to finish our homework. Our father (who was more educated) did show a little interest but I don't remember him asking me much about school. When we first got a TV you had to watch it with the lights off (remember that?) so that you got a clearer picture and as we only had one heated room if we had homework to do we had to struggle in the dark to do it! It is amazing that we all did quite well in life especially as our parents had us out of school as soon as we turned 15 so that we could contribute to the household costs!

Caleo Mon 03-Apr-23 11:49:29

Grandmabatty, I can tell a similar story of my father, not that he became an intellectual but that he exemplified tenacious courage.

Jess20 Mon 03-Apr-23 11:49:03

Oops, posted too soon, and had a good career as a university lecturer.

Jess20 Mon 03-Apr-23 11:48:04

My parents took no interest in my education, sent me to an awful private school for girls where we did next to nothing, although I can sew, cook, lay a table properly but totally failed at deportment and didn't marry a local farmer. I left at 15 with a curious mind

wendyann23 Mon 03-Apr-23 11:36:39

My parents both left school at 14 as was normal for working class families back then. They were both thrilled when I passed the 11 plus to go to grammar school and were very interested in both mine and my brothers education. It must have been a struggle to afford my school uniform and also to send me abroad for the first time on a school trip. I remember both my mother and my Nan having tears in their eyes when I showed them my new school uniform. I am eternally grateful for the sacrifices they made for my brother and I.

Grandmabatty Sun 02-Apr-23 16:08:19

Caleo thank you. My dad was a gentleman. He was extremely intelligent also. During his national service, his capacity for languages was discovered. He was immersed in the Russian language and listened in to communiqués from East Germany and translated them. He never spoke about it and we found out through my uncle. I, too, love languages and learned French, Latin, German, Italian and russian. I'm now learning Spanish for fun. So clearly a genetic inheritance there !

Caleo Sun 02-Apr-23 12:07:21

Grandmabatty your aunt is even more evidence for genetic inheritance.

Caleo Sun 02-Apr-23 12:05:06

Grandmabatty, your father must have been a great man though more obscure than he might have been with a different background. I think genetic inheritance causes personality more so than we used to believe a few decades ago.

Yangste1007 Sun 02-Apr-23 12:02:35

None whatsoever. My two younger brothers on the other hand........

Grandmabatty Sun 02-Apr-23 11:55:39

Caleo his uncle gave the two boys the choice of forces or civil service. My uncle chose the civil service and did spectacularly well, moving to London and ended up really high up in it. My dad chose neither route and his uncle refused to support him, despite his academic prowess. My aunt was told that as she was a girl, she would be going to get married so she was told to apply for the civil service. She was a gifted poet and would have flourished at university but wasn't allowed. Their parents died when dad was 4, just before the onset of ww2 and the three children were split up. None of the family wanted dad as he was so young, so a neighbour, who couldn't have children, took him in. He was loved by them all his life and repaid that love many times over.

Aveline Sun 02-Apr-23 11:41:32

My Dad in particular took a great deal of interest in our education. It was quite unusual back then but he was determined that my sister and I maximised our opportunity for education and hence for more choices in life. Back then I resented it but clearly he was right. He usually was. I wish I'd known it then sad
The day our school reports arrived was always awful as they always said things like, 'Could do better!'

Greyduster Sun 02-Apr-23 11:36:15

My mother lost interest in my education when I failed the 11 plus and the boy next door passed and went to the grammar school I had put in for. I was totally number blind so it was a given anyway! Both my parents left school when they were fourteen but were literate and numerate. My father was a great reader and encouraged me to read, and write stories. If I needed books for school he would take me to town to buy them. He wasn’t very well paid, but there was always money for books. I was always top in English and history, and won prizes for both at secondary school, but my parents didn’t come to my prize givings - one of the greatest disappointments of my life. They were of the opinion that you only went to the school if you were summoned because your children were in trouble! My adult sister came though, bless her. When the boy next door got a place at university - something unheard of in our neighbourhood - my mother was dismissive. I thought it was wonderful. We remained friends and I kept in contact with his parents for years after I left home and saw them when I could.
I always said that, however well my children did at school, we would support and encourage them in every way we could and I hope we have. DD went to university and DS had a long, very good career in the RAF. They in turn are giving that same support to their children.

eazybee Sun 02-Apr-23 11:34:22

My parents took a huge amount of interest. They both left school at fourteen, and with the availability of secondary and further education following the 1944 Act they were determined I was going to take advantage of it, which I did.

travelsafar Sun 02-Apr-23 11:30:59

By coincidence my sister and I were talking about this yesterday. No one in our life either family or friends, thought about higher education or university. We both left school at 15 and got jobs, me in a factory on the conveyor belt my sister did a bit better as a typist in a wine company. Slowly as i got older i realised the value of education and i enroled for evening classes and eventually landed a great job in social housing dealing with the elderly. My sister has worked hard all her life and sadly now works in a factory packing orders. Good money but sole destroying work. She is riding it out until retirement age. How i wished i had had the opportunity to go to university, i always wanted to be be a librarian or a teacher but life dictated a different path for me. My sister wanted to join the army or be a nurse, but she never had the confidence to apply for either and no one back in the day encouraged either of us. Not through neglect or being uncaring, it just didnt happen in our circle.

Caleo Sun 02-Apr-23 11:14:43

Aw big Louis! What a lovely story

Caleo Sun 02-Apr-23 11:11:51

Grandmabatty it was tragic your father did not get a free university education! I'm interested in the attitude of your birth uncle and I wonder how usual it was for working class people to be apathetic about higher education.
I gather parents were more often apathetic about girls and higher education