Catering for groups? General discussion.

I’ve got a nut allergy. The groups I eat with kindly tell me what is nut free and what isn’t.

The problem is catering for one can make problems for another
I hope you’re not using nut milk instead of dairy 😬

We had a similar situation in our group not too long ago. It can definitely be tricky, but here's how we handled it: we tried to incorporate some dishes that fit our friend's dietary requirements without entirely changing the group's menu. We didn't want her to feel singled out or make the others feel they were drastically changing their eating habits.

We started to include some gluten-free and vegan options that everyone could enjoy. And you know, even though we had mixed dietary preferences, we found common ground in a lot of food items.

Also, after checking the Costco Food Database, we decided on a vegetable platter with dip, some shrimp platters, and a couple of bowls of fresh fruits from Costco. It turned out to be a hit!

It was about balance and consideration - a partial menu overhaul. I believe the key is to make sure everyone feels included and respected.

This post is from April so would be interesting to find out if she brings her own food or did they decide to cater for her.

Couldn't the lady take her own (suitable) food and not have to pay anything?

I was the Manager of a day centre a few years ago, and we had one lady who had a lot of allergies/intolerances. The cook couldn't cater for her, so we simply asked the lady to bring her own food.

Luckygirl3

If its bring and share then she can bring the bit she can eat.

That's it - common sense and very simple. And she needs to be told so.

In my opinion, it's all about balance. No one should feel left out, but also, no one should feel forced to alter their eating habits drastically.

I had a similar experience, and we found a compromise. Some of us made a special effort to bring a few dishes that everyone, including our friend with dietary restrictions, could enjoy.

Hetty58
This person has an eating disorder for sure. People who are out of control emotionally with their personal, professional, family lives can only control one thing - that is what they do or do not put in their mouth. She needs professional help with that anxiety and behavior.

I have an (attention-seeking) occasional visitor who behaves as if she's a famous health and fitness guru. Diet is her area of expertise - it would seem - her specialist subject.

She declines all sugar/carbs, caffeine, tap water, fatty and/or processed food - yet seems to dislike fruit, veg or beans. Her body is a temple, apparently.

Why then, you might ask, is she constantly suffering from some minor illness (real or imagined), overweight, depressed, out of breath with high BP?

I think it's health anxiety - along with a firm conviction that she's somehow special and different - not like other people.

It seems really odd that she is happy to eat stuff made in unknown kitchens if she has genuine allergies - most people I know with coeliac disease would be really wary of eating something that might have been innocently cross contaminated by specks of flour/breadcrumbs etc in an ordinary domestic kitchen or where dishes might have been made with butter/milk containing margarines

She does does sound very cheeky though - expecting others to cater to her dietary restrictions while contributing absolutely nothing herself

Does she ever contribute, or will she be doing so in the future? Perhaps she could make some suggestions on dishes that would be suitable for all.There are some great gluten free meals ,I make gluten free brownies which the family love.

It’s a ruddy nuisance. Vegan and veggie diets.

If they want special food, then they should provide for themselves.

When I have a family gathering, there is one member who is one of those. Despite having to cater for nine people, I’m always expected to rustle up vegan grub as well.
I ask her to provide something she would like to bring to contribute, but she never does.

I have now stopped catering for family and we now go out to eat.

If its bring and share then she can bring the bit she can eat.

She sounds like an attention-seeking freeloader!

I doubt anyone with real allergies/intolerances and specific requirements would eat foods from 11 different people, the risk of eating the wrong stuff would be too high.

There’s a difference between allergies and intolerances, but that doesn’t mean anyone with intolerances is being faddy or picky. I have a family member who has to be GF and lactose free, not because of allergies but because of an IBD - she would be ill with diarrhoea and colitis pain for a couple of days after eating certain foods. I don’t call that faddy.The real issue is that this lady is being cheeky by contributing nothing whilst the rest of the group are trying to be helpful.

My DiL is gluten free vegan and is an absolute dream to cater for. We always make a mix of vegan and non vegan food for everyone to share, plus she always brings a couple of dishes too, including a dessert or cake.
Even my cynical Hubby eats the veggie stuff 😉

This is a little lopsided. Twelve people are now catering to the sensitivities of one (If I read everything correctly), but it seems #1 person does not ever bring anything to share with others?

Something is a little off-kilter. The rule should be majority rules so the luncheon can continue on with a few exceptions to respectfully include everyone.

The fix is easy: 1) a list of who will bring what is necessary so there are no duplicates. 2) a couple attendees can graciously make a vegan (or specified) dietary contribution to include newcomer. this could be on a rotation assignment, no grudges. 3) new member should ALWAYS bring a dish to pass. Those are the rules, right? 4) if wine is included in these gatherings, that also can be a contribution in lieu of a casserole. Fair.

I don’t see a problem if people just want to get organized.
Cheers!
USA Gundy

What is 'gracious' about accepting food but not contributing any? How does she know that the food she is eating was not prepared in a kitchen where there were allergens, or, worse, in a pot that had been used to cook something containing gluten / yeast / tomatoes /chocolate / whatever? I am sceptical.

If she has a genuine allergy she would not dare eat other peoples food——— maybe kindly suggest she bring a dish so others can learn new dishes and it would be fun for others to try.

If "she never brings anything herself", perhaps someone could gently remind her that it's "a bring and share supper", not a "don't bring and then expect everyone else to cater for you" supper. If I was in her shoes with all those diet limitations I'd be bringing my own grub, and quietly explaining why.

If she has genuine allergy problems I would have thought she would be only too keen to bring her own food , as she would not want risk eating something that would make her very ill or worse!!!

I have a great many allergies and intolerances, and if I'm going somewhere to eat, I'll always provide my own food or if a pub/restaurant, I have a list of those who will definitely have no issues with catering for my weird needs.

I find vegan and gluten-free tricky to cater for but not impossible. I'm GF and have not bothered to get a proper diagnosis because there's no point really, the outcome would be no different. I've no patience for those who are selectively GF, won't have bread and still drink normal beer etc. Personally I'd try and cater for this person and also provide decent non-GF bread for the others - GF bread isn't particularly wonderful. Vegan in itself is probably a very ethical response to life and something we could all move closer to and benefit both our own health and the health of the planet. So, yes, I'd try to cater for the new person and make sure what I provided was absolutely guaranteed vegan and GF plus I may get provide a few things that weren't like bread, butter and cheese for those who were not so bothered. I'd have a chat with her . For people who avoid certain foods, I always check if it's an allergy, an intolerance or a strong preference as well, just to be safe. No point having, for example, peanuts on the table if someone is severely allergic as the rest of the food can easily be contaminated. I won't die from eating gluten although I'd be quite unwell next day, I do know people who get anaphylaxis from the smallest trace of certain foods, eggs in this case, and for her, a vegan diet means she doesn't need to even mention her allergy.

I have two members of my extended family who are coeliac, my sister in law and my son's father in law. So far I haven't had cause to cook for either of them though I have eaten in their homes or out in restaurants etc. I also know other people who choose to eat gluten free but they are not coeliac. They may or may not be gluten intolerant. One of my friends bakes a gluten free cake every week for our regular weekly gathering while others bring cakes or biscuits which are not GF. At least these days eating out is easier as most restaurants cater for dietary requirements. I still remember eating in a pub where my sister in law ended up eating a very boring looking chicken breast without any sauce as the gravy /sauce might have been thickened with flour. If people are simply picky eaters I have no sympathy, but genuine allergies require us to go the extra mile and I would try to accommodate anyone's requirements. Vegetarians are no longer considered unusual and I have a number of vegetarian friends but only one I know who is vegan so I've not had to deal with that yet. I too would certainly expect the needy person to contribute something like everyone else.

Germanshepherdsmum

If she accepts whatever she’s given I would be wondering if has genuine allergies and intolerances (in which case she should bring her own food to be safe) or if it’s just a matter of choice?

Yes, I think I might wonder the same as you!

Healthy food! But I contribute more than my share always, so maybe you should have a discussion with her!