Catering for groups? General discussion.

What does the lady herself say?

fancythat

What does the lady herself say?

She graciously accepts what is put her way but does not offer to bring or just cater for herself.

Yes, I would ask her what she would prefer. If she has allergies, she may well prefer to bring her own food to be absolutely sure that she's not eating anything she shouldn't. Allergies can be very serious, so if it's more than just dietary preferences, it could be that she'd rather err on the side of caution and provide her own. But just ask - I'm sure she won't mind.

Hmm, must have cross-posted with your reply to fancythat. I would have thought if she does have actual allergies, she'd be a bit wary of accepting whatever is put her way, as you say.

I think she should cater for herself and not be asked to contribute.

If she accepts whatever she’s given I would be wondering if has genuine allergies and intolerances (in which case she should bring her own food to be safe) or if it’s just a matter of choice?

Germanshepherdsmum

If she accepts whatever she’s given I would be wondering if has genuine allergies and intolerances (in which case she should bring her own food to be safe) or if it’s just a matter of choice?

I agree with that GSM

No harm in a cople of people in the group providing food that would suit her and the rest bringing what they usually do .Is't that what groups normally do?Just nominate people who like to cook who will be happy to provide for ger

Sadly it’s all too common now, I have one friend who is genuinely coeliac and three friends who say they can’t eat gluten but it’s not been diagnosed.

One friend now lives on a diet of charcuterie, crisps and salad as she believes grains, wheats and lactose all upset her, she can somehow manage cake and biscuits though.

I think the NHS a giving GF food on prescription is scandalous.
I’m allergic to shellfish, I just avoid it, I don’t expect the NHS to pay for me to have fillet steak once a week.

So to conclude I would ask this lady to provide her own food.

You say she graciously accepts whatever she is given, is that food food prepared especially for her dietary requirements by the other members of the group and does this lady bring & share something for the rest of the group? I think most of us at times prepare food for others that we do not want or cannot eat ourselves.

Well certainly if I had allergies or even if I just followed some faddy diet like veganism, I would take my own food to a gathering.
I certainly wouldn’t expect others to adhere to my diet !

The shared supper events I've been to usually have someone co-ordinating to make sure we don't have 15 trifles and no savouries. I would suggest that whoever that is should ensure that there is green salad and at least something to go with it, but I do think that the person herself should take some responsibility.

I would also try to ensure that she got to the table first, as I know that vegetarians can be left with nothing to eat after the carnivores have taken the veggie stuff along with the meat.

Otherwise, no, I don't think everyone should have to nibble celery to fit around one person's dietary requirements (particularly if she seems to be picking and choosing what she can eat).

We accept that we're vegan by choice, just as some eat meat by choice. We never complain, typically there is plain salad, bread, veg and that's enough. Gluten free choices are (or can be) wonderful.

JenniferEccles

Well certainly if I had allergies or even if I just followed some faddy diet like veganism, I would take my own food to a gathering.
I certainly wouldn’t expect others to adhere to my diet !

Veganism isn’t a faddy diet. Many vegans are people of principle who choose their diet so as not to be responsible for suffering of animals.

Doodledog

The shared supper events I've been to usually have someone co-ordinating to make sure we don't have 15 trifles and no savouries. I would suggest that whoever that is should ensure that there is green salad and at least something to go with it, but I do think that the person herself should take some responsibility.

I would also try to ensure that she got to the table first, as I know that vegetarians can be left with nothing to eat after the carnivores have taken the veggie stuff along with the meat.

Otherwise, no, I don't think everyone should have to nibble celery to fit around one person's dietary requirements (particularly if she seems to be picking and choosing what she can eat).

Doodledog The shared supper events I've been to usually have someone co-ordinating to make sure we don't have 15 trifles and no savouries. I would suggest that whoever that is should ensure that there is green salad and at least something to go with it, but I do think that the person herself should take some responsibility.

This ^^

I always have nice nuts in the car, in case I need protein after a 'event of eating'. I really much prefer our own cooking and just nibble at salads, veg, and breads - in public

By the way, vegan fare is quite easy and delicious.

Dud I get this right?

It's bring and share but she doesn't bring anything?

I think the idea that it is more coordinated is a good one so that people can pick a dish to bring. In that case it wouldn't be unreasonable for say a quarter of those dishes to be vegan like salad or garlic bread or vegetable/potato dishes?

What does she bring as her contribution to other suppers? If she brings normal food but makes sure it is well wrapped and excepts that others plate it up then she probably has an allergy. If she touches it and arranges it then the answer to that question is there,
Ask her to bring her own if it is genuine then she will not be offended.
I have worked with people who have religious dietary rules and they brought their own. We have a vegetarian in the family and I buy the food from M&S, they never grumble.

There's a big difference between someone who is choosing not to eat certain foods - for whatever reason - and someone who is genuinely allergic to something or has a condition like coeliac disease. If I was in the latter group, I'd be bringing my own food rather than risk eating something which someone else (however well-meaning) had prepared.

She should bring her own food, as catering for a gluten, lactose free and vegan diet would be a challenge for most cooks and could mistakenly include dangerous ingredients. If of course she is genuinely intolerant, not just following it through choice.

I have a rare allergy to/intolerance of the bacterium that change milk into cheese, crème fraiche or yoghurt. When prepping for a shared meal I provide food I CAN eat safely, but which seems to be enjoyed by all the diners. I would second the suggestion that folk with allergies should get first dibs at the buffet, so that they can chose food they have prepared themselves or know to be safe for them. Also, I wish that people who have used an unusual or unexpected ingredient in a dish should label the dish accordingly. I have been really ill for a week after ingesting 2 cheese & onion crisps, which I had assumed were plain and also a spoonful of what I assumed to be a trifle topped with whipped cream

Today was the last meal of the season at our house (ex Vicarage, so with second kitchen and large ex Parish room at the back) for the 'older' folks of our village and the next. Rural, many of them ex farmers- not a single allergy, intolerance, veggie, vegan, etc, etc. I don't do the cooking though, just prepare the room and help with service and activities + end cleaning.

When I began eating a very strict diet to uncover food allergies I always took my own food/s.

Hopefully with enough to share if anyone else was interested.

If this lady eats what she is given then I doubt the allergies are very real.

When I accidently ate a fairy cake with ingredients I shoild have avoided I was sick for 2 days.
Its too big a risk to chance it.

toscalily

You say she graciously accepts whatever she is given, is that food food prepared especially for her dietary requirements by the other members of the group and does this lady bring & share something for the rest of the group? I think most of us at times prepare food for others that we do not want or cannot eat ourselves.

Yes, it is food prepared especially for her dietary requirements by other members of the group. And, no, she never brings anything herself. The whole group is now eating vegan, GF and Lacto free.

LRavenscroft

toscalily

You say she graciously accepts whatever she is given, is that food food prepared especially for her dietary requirements by the other members of the group and does this lady bring & share something for the rest of the group? I think most of us at times prepare food for others that we do not want or cannot eat ourselves.

Yes, it is food prepared especially for her dietary requirements by other members of the group. And, no, she never brings anything herself. The whole group is now eating vegan, GF and Lacto free.

no, she never brings anything herself. The whole group is now eating vegan, GF and Lacto free.

She sounds like what Mumsnet would call a CF, then .

How does she get away with coming to a shared supper and not bringing anything, never mind asking for special food?

Can you become co-ordinator? Send out an email asking who is coming and what they are bringing, suggesting that vegan dishes would be appreciated. After a week or so, send another, with a list of attendees and their offerings, (including your recalcitrant friend) pointing out that you still haven't heard from X, Y and Z, so is it ok to suggest that they all bring salad, as the bases are covered by everyone else. A couple of nights before the meeting, send a third and final one saying that this is what you are expecting (you can put salad next to anyone who still hasn't replied), adding that if anyone has changed her mind will she let you know, and if anyone is unable to eat from the communal spread, she should bring her own.