Previous posters coming back with the same problem

She needs help: it's very hard for any of us to change: but that sort of fixed character, has to be a victim, very hard...as in "I don't need help, things are like this, end of"

My Friend complains about something and expects me to agree with her sometimes I do but usually, I get her to look at it from another point of view and she says she can see what I mean.
When we talk a few weeks later she has reverted back to her original ideas and dissatisfaction. Her husband has contacted me and told me of her problem, Everyone is getting at her,or not considering her.
This is probably what the people who post are doing. I feel very sorry for them they must feel so isolated and badly done to.

It could be as simple as some posters might be very lonely and have issues but can’t deal with them. Someone could be surrounded by family and friends and still be lonely. Maybe they have serious domestic problems and don’t know where to turn so that’s where gransnet comes in filling a void. Does it really matter that they post here repeating themselves? There is no rule declaring that every post has to observed or responded too..

Maybe the poster is lonely?

Lots of ways to move on from cognitive dissonance as it's a stressor

Royal "you"

Change your ideals or beliefs, or be open minded to new evidence

Stop justifying things you know are bad for you

Stop complaining about behaviours you engage in yourself

Etc

Thank you both for your explanations I do know someone who keeps asking the same question when they don't get the answer they want and expect.

You can look at the "I'm on" button and you can also add things to a watch list

Generally I add the dramatic things to my watch list that I don't comment on because I think they will be deleted

Then I can read then if I have Llamas for drama that day

CV2020

Not posted or replied to posts on here very much yet.
How does it work?
Do you get notified if someone comments on your initial post or responds to my response on post?
Thanks.

No, you have to find the thread you have posted on for yourself.

. If it doesn't come up "in the last hour" or in the "active" headings, go to the "Forum" (top left button in the maroon bar.)

So this thread is under "chat", so you go to "chat" then find it.

GagaJo

We've had a couple recently.

Been roundly told / advised / considered to be in the wrong and told this by GN members in the past. But coming back with the same problem and expecting a different response.

Why do this? Why bother? You've got the same audience. You're gonna get the same point of view.

(I totally understand why people don't change btw. We're all guilty of having our own perspective even if we're told we're wrong by others. It's more the re-airing of the same problem to the same audience I'm querying.)

I suppose they 'know they're perfectly correct' (even convinced their OH) some horrid person has wronged them. Thus need continual/more back patting for the nothings they suffered?

Sometimes people just remember past threads or read an OP and think, wait, this is very familiar

Nothing wrong with that, it's OK to get to know others on these forums

Not posted or replied to posts on here very much yet.
How does it work?
Do you get notified if someone comments on your initial post or responds to my response on post?
Thanks.

Variable in terms of easy to spot.

Generally it would mean that the O/P cant "take in" the original answers, as their experiences or actions or our understandings don't match with their deeply help inner beliefs and values:

So they keep coming back hoping for a way out of this permanent quandary, but unless we can "unlock" their internal dilemmas, it won't be very useful for them.

A good example of this could be for example when an O/P has very strong view on how they "should" be treated by such and such, but it seems evident to posters that it isn't actually quite happening that way.

Or - simply needing attention or reassurance and its up to us whether to keep giving it or not - or the problem has moved on very slightly, perceptive shifted, so although it seems the same to us, its isn't to the poster.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202304/medium-454668-screenshot-20230414-124801-chrome.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202304/medium-409486-screenshot-20230414-124801-chrome.jpg

Realistically the first paragraph explains in a nutshell but here is an article that shows the different types

courses.lumenlearning.com/suny-hvcc-psychology-1/chapter/cognitive-dissonance/#:~:text=There%20are%20five%20primary%20types,inconsistency%20between%20commitment%20and%20information.

Ooh long link, hopefully it works

Maybe they do not have anyone to talk to about things. If you speak about a problem it would rarely be spoken of once and may be told to different people hoping for different perspectives.

I have never understood the Miss Marples on here that use the search facility to see what has been said in the past, how long a poster has been around or to look for discrepancies in a story.

It is a forum of random unknown people that does not need policing by a few that are unaffected by has been said.

I will have a look for you Yammy

Can I ask for an explanation of cognitive dissonance please,
I think I have an acquaintance who might have it. Or can you suggest some papers or books I could read about it?
There seems to be a lot of it about. How does it manifest itself, is it behavioural and easy to spot?

In my experience some people who ask for advice usually don't always want advice but mostly are just needing to be validated and heard and to offload.

Another aspect to this is that there could be new members here now that weren't here on the previous post and the poster might hope for a different angle.

I know if there is a really difficult problem with a friend she may want to talk about it several times and I'm fine with that as often just going over things again can bring some clarity.

I think it's an example of cognitive dissonance.

When someone is committed to a belief and cannot accept any challenge to it or any information that disproves that belief.

So therefore, previous threads are diregarded and they keep searching for validation, often by changing the information given in order ro redirect the replies

Difficult for those of us who remember previous threads and then get told off for responding in line with previous information

People sometimes feel desperate and need constant reassurance.

People join Gransnet so new ideas may appear in relation to repeated posts.

I have seen some of these recurring posts. Maybe they aren't looking for advice and just want to offload their ongoing problem.
Does seem odd to me but who knows why people do this.

Who knows!

Some people just want validation, others just want to win, others are in difficult circumstances and cannot see their way out, memory problems?