Feeling disappointed.

Sometimes it's a good idea to just include yourself - don't wait to be asked, just be a bit more pro active! Otherwise you are just not going to be included! It's okay to but in . I can understand you wanting to go home instead of joining the second group of friends ....you were cold and fed up. BUT what if the message they took on board was a different message. What if they thought you didn't want to be with them? Perhaps message them to explain why you wanted to go home, otherwise they may not include you next time!

Well me being me wouldn’t have sat out in the cold wind. I would have gone in with the second group and had a warm drink. Very rude to be invited and not included in a conversation. They are not true friends.

Playing devil's advocate, but maybe the death was recent and they were in the state where the shock of that loss overshadows everything else, and they weren't deliberately ignoring you?

Re those people who are self absorbed, I have a 'friend' who is so self absorbed and thoroughly enjoys being miserable, that other mutual friends have cut ties with her altogether, and I've avoided much contact lately. I use the tactic when she is droning on about the same age-old complaining, of launching into babbling about my events, family, the weather (anything to break the monologue!). It works for a while, earning me dirty looks, until she steers the conversation back to airing her grievances.

Three is often an awkward number for a conversation. Recently 3 of us got together (we all know each other really well). When I'm with one we talk about a shared interest (which the 3rd one loathes). When I'm with the other one, we chat about stuff that I know would be of no interest to the other one. (The 2 if them chat quite happily about mutual friends I don't know)
When the 3 of us are together, it actually quite difficult to keep the conversation flowing.

Oh my word MarathonRunner! Incredible. I’d have gone home too.Unbeliveable 🙄

We (well I now) have for long been friendly with two couples who both have boats and spend a lot of time sailing. We used to have them to supper together, but we found that they just talked to each other about their boats etc and we felt that we were just there to serve their meal! So we don't have them for supper together any more unless it's going to be a bigger group.

I think this can be a problem when 3 people are together. Often 2 will have a conversation that the third is unable to join in as they have no knowledge of the subject. They were perhaps oblivious to the fact they had excluded you. Is this a regular experience with them, or are they usually more inclusive? If it's a regular occurrence, next time decline a meet up.

How rude.

I rarely meet with more than one friend at a time for several reasons; firstly my friends are a very diverse group and I need to be tactful to ensure that no-one is made to feel uncomfortable or excluded, secondly some of my friends are very private people and often like to confide in me, which would not be possible in a group.

I also have a few friends who lead very isolated and lonely lives and they seem to get vicarious enjoyment from the Soap Opera that is my life; one friend I haven’t seen for a while recently arranged a lunch date with me, “To catch up on the latest instalment - your house fire!”

Hey Ho! It’s all grist to the mill. 🤪😂

I would not have stayed long enough for the second group to arrive.

After listening to the pair of them for a while, I would have said, "I am sorry for your loss, but as I did not know this person, I am feeling a little "de trop" right now. So I shall leave you to commemorate her /him and go home, as I am freezing to death here."

Sounds like they invited you as an afterthought, not nice, but now you know and will be wise to them. I know how you feel I'm always the one getting pooped on from other so called friends, so tending now to keep myself to myself. But maybe stick with the nice inside people and go out with them in future.

Grannies are interested in other people's grandchidren. I often make enquiries about friends grandsons adn grand daughterss, speak for yourself.

I wouldn’t have gone in the first place. Why send you a message in the morning,so that you had to rush…If it happens again ,don’t go.🤗

The death was not of a close friend but provided gossip and speculation . The other group have phoned and arranged a date next month😁

I had two friends and we used to go to each other’s houses for coffee.One morning they arrived and sat in the car ,on the drive ,for half an hour,chatting.I was in the house ,knowing they were chatting away,whilst I was waiting for them to come in.When they eventually came in they laughed and said they hadn’t noticed the time.I told them they could have a quick coffee because I had an emergency dental appointment.Didn’t stay friends after that.Theyvwere so rude.

Thank you LR that ‘hey ho, and away we go’ comment has reminded me of the song from my childhood that I’ve been trying to remember for ages - donkey riding!!

Ailsa43 me too! Heres a ☕

I've learnt after a few similar experiences not to bother with people like that. It isn't you - it's them. Find nicer people and good luck with it!

Of course she had to bring her dog! Of course they sniff and poo! Humans chat and shop and we poo too. Dogs are family.

I would have gone inside with the other group.
Unfortunately twos company, threes a crowd and the outside 2 are very rude ignoring you . If it was me I would explain the tragic death to the other person , so as not to make them feel left out . How hard is that ? .
It amazes me that grown women can act like that !!!

2507C0

Of course she had to bring her dog! Of course they sniff and poo! Humans chat and shop and we poo too. Dogs are family.

My husband is family too, and even sniffs and poos (though luckily he doesnt do the latter in public). I still wouldn't take him along to a get-together with my friends .

What annoys me when meeting up with friends is when they have to answer their phones every time they ring or ping. I always switch my phone off when I am with friends.

They say “oh sorry, that’s my daughter” …. So what? She can leave a message and you can ring her back.

One friend asked me to meet her for lunch and was on her phone for ages. I’ve known her since we were 12 so I sent her a joke of someone arriving in heaven and being told “actually you had a pretty good life but you were looking down at your phone and you missed it.” We’re still friends and she took the message in good part.

2507C0

Of course she had to bring her dog! Of course they sniff and poo! Humans chat and shop and we poo too. Dogs are family.

We have two much loved family spaniels - they are always walked in the early morning and happily stay at home together when I meet friends for a cuppa and catch-up

Kircubbin200 I would have done the same as you , so disappointed and cold you couldn’t wait to get home ! I’m glad the other group rang you

If I got a late invite - and had to rush - I wouldn't have gone in the first place. I'm too lazy.

Having made all that effort, though, it must have been so annoying to feel ignored. Didn't you just interrupt with your own news? Why sit there feeling cold, though?

I'd have said 'I'm off home now, see you later!' and I'd have left. Maybe, kircubbin2000, you're just too polite and accommodating?