Empty nest

Our daughters are of quite different ages, as two left another two were born. They all live near, drop round often. They all have homes/families and not required to stay over in their rooms. Meals are visit enough.

I've just had 3 of mine plus grandchildren staying, it was lovely but exhausting. All those years of bringing up 4 children were enjoyable but the peace and quiet today is magic

i do not believe that there is a one size fits all to the empty nest syndrome,each one is different depending on all sorts of things.There are parents who cannot let go of their children,there are children who cannaot let of their parents.For me i realised some years after my 2 sons left, i went through a form of a grief process which took a while, to realise what was happening to me. I do my best now to treat them on an adult to adult basis, doesn't always work though!

Their presence. Neither of them visit. My DS has wiped me from his life, only lives 10 minutes away. I look for him everywhere I go 💔 & my DD moved away, I see her and my DG rarely. Not the life I envisaged.

My empty nest happened when they (separately) went to university and never came back, other than for holidays as students and now as visits, for Christmas and so on.

I would love either or both of them to live near enough to call in once or twice a week, but they are both far too far away to do so. I'm pleased we brought them up to be independent, and delighted that they have both made lives for themselves in their new cities, but yes, I miss them. I think that when or if they have children I will feel that even more keenly.

halfpint1

I've just had 3 of mine plus grandchildren staying, it was lovely but exhausting. All those years of bringing up 4 children were enjoyable but the peace and quiet today is magic

Nice for you. I'd want quiet, would get cranky.

For us, we're happy they're near enough to drop in. They never have to stay over (unless extreme emergency like power outage). We're able to have nice short meals - they go on home, not underfoot.

That sounds perfect Norah!

Both my children moved out when they were twenty. That was seventynine years ago. My husband died thirty five years ago so i have been able. to please myself whatever I care to do

Mine are on elastic, currently only have the youngest at home, not planned, but we are moving house soon, so an extra pair of hands is supposedly useful in these situations.
I miss the intelligent conversation and gentle teasing😟

Doodledog

My empty nest happened when they (separately) went to university and never came back, other than for holidays as students and now as visits, for Christmas and so on.

I would love either or both of them to live near enough to call in once or twice a week, but they are both far too far away to do so. I'm pleased we brought them up to be independent, and delighted that they have both made lives for themselves in their new cities, but yes, I miss them. I think that when or if they have children I will feel that even more keenly.

I'm the same Doodledog mine went to uni and I knew they would never come back to the city we were living near.
I often think if we had stayed near the city where they were born which was very vibrant and lively they would have come back,
Neither DH nor I ever had any intentions of going back home and I wonder if our attitude rubbed off on them.
I'm glad for them that they are independent but still miss them. I cried when the second one went to uni we had built up a lovely relationship and she always says they were the best two years of her younger life as an only child in all but name.
We all get on well now we are all in the U.K and get together with the grandchildren when we can. I can see how my parents felt when they knew I was never going back. Mine are so far away that visits have to be planned months in advance.

Missiseff

Three children who left home at 18, 16 and 18. I missed the Sunday roasts. This meal was a huge part of our family life and no one ever missed it. The first two children left home within a couple of weeks of each other. The first Sunday roast without them at the table was so difficult.

Always a strange feeling when the fledglings eventually fly away, but hopefully they still come home to roost occasionally, often with their own chicks, geographical considerations permitting. I initially felt a wee bit lost when both of ours went off to Uni, came back briefly on graduation, then moved out when they found jobs elsewhere. However, that sense of loss was quite short-lived, and DH and I found a growing sense of freedom after their departure, and we most certainly enjoy having our own space, and following our own programme. Just a natural progression, I guess, and another stage of life to focus on and to get the best from.

I have 3 adult children, one lives overseas the other two 3/4 hours drive away.
I wish we had them near enough to pop in.

One of the things I miss is all their friends, our homes have always been the place they all met up and often slept.
We came down one morning and found 10 pairs of shoes in the hallway.
We would provide big breakfasts, lots of paracetamol and a free counselling service.

We found out some years later one of my daughters friends found our home a lifeline as her home situation was so dire

The mother of one of my sons friends recently thanked us as after the sudden death of her husband, she was unable to cope, she went off the rails, her son spent most weekends with us, she said our family were his therapy at the time.

I had a miserable upbringing and didn’t take friends home, I loved having a home full of young people and felt it was an enormous privilege.

I raised my children alone from 7 months and 2 years of age and it was hard going. I didn't suffer from empty nest syndrome, but often wondered if I should have.

I set out to bring them up to be confident, happy, healthy and to have good teeth. Those were the goals.

My younger daughter kept coming back and back until I got really sick of it. Eventually she found her feet.

I delighted in the simple changes in my life eg when I put something down in my house and found it still there later !

My two children both went to boarding school and DD never really came home and now lives the other side of the country and is approaching her 40th birthday. We have a good relationship, she often comes to visit, with or without partner & dog, & we like to spend time at their house. DS was here briefly after school then moved in with his girlfriend locally but came back here to a conversion on our farm for a while & now lives with wife & our 2 DGSs about 2 miles away. So I don't miss them at all! It's lovely when they're both here but I can't really remember what it was like when they were here and young!

I missed the presence of the kids when they left; their noise, shoes at the door, fridge always open and cutting board and messy knife left on the counter! Especially the eldest since she went to another province for school, so couldn't come home weekends, that was tough.

It got a bit easier with the boys, since they were back and forth a bit more with jobs and school, and then of course it seems like chaos when they were all back at home for holidays. But then we were finding we were having a sigh of relief when they left again, since we had gotten used to our quiet house, with the shoes put away.

Hugs to those that are just feeling the loss of grown children heading off on their own, but feel proud that you have raised independent young adults.

I do enjoy my own company but I miss chatting with my son in the kitchen. We used to have our best chats when we were cooking or if he was baking one of his latest creations.

My best chats were when I used to drive my son home: living in a village I was always happy to taxi my kids around because there was no bus service. I don’t seem to be able to chat to him in such an easy way now he’s all grown up with kids. We used to chat about music and tv shows like Big Brother and films.

I have 2 DDs so I miss the girl chats, and sitting on end of their beds hearing about there nights out. Also music playing in their bedrooms whilst they’re getting ready to go out.
However they live close by but have busy life’s. I’m lucky I like my own company and have good friends and good social life.

MayBee70, I totally get that. I taught my son to drive and used to take him to and from 6th Form. We used to have the most lovely chats...once he learned well enough to breathe and drive!

Like others, enjoyed family time but never suffered ‘empty nest’ feelings when they left. Glad they were able to leave & live independently and happily. We liked being a couple again too! We’re close as a family - in touch by what’s app, phone calls or FaceTime every few days. We know what we’re all doing. Still holiday all together at least once a year. We all still have lots of privacy but respect space as couples/ family too. All believe family comes first!

I welcomed every sign of independence by my children from birth, whether it was sitting up unaided or passing their driving test.

The day I deposited DD at play group and DS at school, while other mothers wept, I skipped down the path away from school delighted to have three hours to myself after 5 years unremitting childcare.

All families work differently and whether you suffered from empty nest syndrome or not, is not a guide to how close a family is. You only have to read a few GN threads to see that there are families that live in each others pockets, but never actually talk to each other and when problems arise cannot talk things over to resolve problems.

I was living a full and, by reason of my divorce, happy life when my DSs left, one for work abroad and the other to University, I was free to pursue my own interests and take my own kind of holidays. Of course I welcomed them with open arms when they came home but was quite pleased to drop them off again at the airport or station. As I'd had an early menopause and was no longer menopausal, a new phase of my life opened. Soon enough my first GD arrived which was a source (and still is) of great delight.

I remember being very upset when the eldest went off to Uni and coped much better when the other two went off as well, DH and I settled to life on our own and then boom first one and then another came back, went off and returned for five years or so it was like a Brian Fix farce. Years on now they are settled and so are we, a recent weekend with some of the family proved we aren't quite up to coping with all the goings on. I read once that children are only lent to us for their childhood maybe that is right.