Funeral etiquette

It depends if you want to go along with the families wishes.

I gave a funeral dress that is black background with a colour pattern - dark enough to be dark, but with some colour for the non-black-wearing funerals.
I did once go to a neighbour's funeral in my black work suit, and was literally the only one in black. I felt conspicuous, though I'm sure no-one gave a hoot.

Why not clothes you feel are appropriate, black if you wish, adding brighter accessories to honour the family’s request. There’s something about being comfortable in what you wear

I tend to wear navy or grey to funerals with a neutral or bright top/accessories according to the family’s wishes. In hot weather usually a blue patterned dress. At the last funeral I attended clothing varied from the very colourful to very traditional black. It didn’t matter at all, what was important was that the people wearing the clothes were there. If I think about my parents or close friends funerals I can’t recall what anyone wore. Suspect that’s common.

Theexwife

It depends if you want to go along with the families wishes.

why anyone not want to do that? Very strange.

Thanks everyone.

I think the only relevance of “etiquette” in this context is good manners and consideration for the feelings of the bereaved.
People can get too hung up on what they believe is “proper” and too easily outraged by anything different.
It’s not about us, it’s about the departed and their family.

A request not to wear black is different from a request to wear bright colours. I'd probably go for grey or navy or if you want to wear black or don't have anything else suitable then a neutral scarf to break it up should be fine.

I think that as others have mentioned, you could wear navy, grey, dark purple, or dark brown. Even dark green would be good. Or wear some black and brighten it up with a colourful scarf or blouse. A scarf is good because as Callistemon suggests, you can pop it in your bag if you fee uncomfortable in it.
My husband has said he doesn’t want people wearing black at his funeral but I told him that if I’m still alive, I will be wearing black because it certainly won’t be a day to celebrate for me. And he won’t be there anyway.
A funeral isn’t for the dead, it’s for the living, and they have to do what they feel is appropriate.

Accessorize in colour.

I went to a dear friend's funeral two years ago and her daughter asked all the ladies to wear brightly coloured floral dresses .

One lady had to buy a dress as she had nothing suitable .

Most of us , but not all did .

Unless you feel very strongly that black is your preferred choice it's perhaps respectful and polite to go along with the family's wishes .

I would ask the family what their wishes are. I haven’t been to many funerals but I’ve always asked first

Well said Biglouise, re mourning with your heart and not the clothes.

Just wear whatever you feel comfortable in and don’t worry too much - the fact that you’re attending is showing support

Play safe and go for navy with some splash of colour, in something you’re comfortable with. Also I suppose if you’re close to the family ask directly what they are wearing.

Both my DDs and DHs funeral were "no black please". There was a caveat that no one was to go to any expense to try to accommodate their wish. Most males had dark trousers as did some females but generally people wore light shirts, tops, dresses and jackets. I wore navy trousers with mixed blue patterned top and light blue jacket. Both funerals were at this time of year so weather accommodated. Wouldn't stress about what you wear given the request but woukd try to avoid the mournful all black.

Recently went to a funeral where we were told to wear bright colours. I wore a black dress with a colourful pattern on it.

My mother wanted people to wear bright colours for her funeral. She was such fun, so generous and greatly loved that everyone did. I gave my outfit away afterwards, as I couldn’t bear to wear it again. Last year, a friend, also loved by so many, had requested jeans, white t-shirts and trainers. There were few exceptions. However heavy one’s heart is, a funeral reflects the person who has passed. For them and their family, it’s only kind to respect their wishes.

My apparel will be in complete respect to the deceased and the relationship I had with them. I may not even know their family members.

As her 'best Sop' my conductor friend had asked me to conduct some John Rutter music for the other choir members to sing at her memorial service. Trouble was that I had never conducted a thing before.

She had also demanded that I wear something bright but her son did not think that this was appropriate so he did not pass the messsage on to the other singers

They did not believe me either when I said wear something cheerful...... I ended up in a grass green jacket and flowered skirt trying to conduct the formally garbed black and white choir in ' The lord bless you and keep you'

I felt absolutely daft.... aka a free spirit..... as I flapped my right hand, occasionally slapping my thigh for emphasis when I tried to indicate the time

We had had so many uproarious laughs together as a group that I am sure she would have appreciated the irony of it all

I was pleased that only one quite severe looking person approached me afterwards to ask if I had comported myself entirely appropriately;
I know my friend was rolling around somewhere in the clouds or indeed in my mind, hooting with laughter . Maybe that had been her intention all along

Unless bright clothes are specified by the family, I think it is respectful to wear something dark and sober e.g. dark suit for men (I haven't seen morning coats since my father's funeral in 1971) and a maybe a dark coat or dress for women.
I admit that I was hurt when an ex-neighbour and close friend didn't change, just wore his sailing gear to my DH's funeral. A few weeks later, another friend of theirs died and his wife mentioned to me that he had gone shopping for a new suit. I remarked that he hadn't seen fit to wear a suit to my DH's funeral. Slightly embarrassed, she replied that he thought my DH wouldn't mind.
I made it clear that DH could no longer have any thoughts on the matter, but that I did mind.

The “no black please” trend is unsettling: it’s an implied criticism of people who DO wear black for funerals.
In fact wearing black can be á useful part of the mourning ritual. It’s saying something with your clothes. I think that’s rather beautiful. Rituals help us to go through big life events.

Just go along with what the family have asked for. If the family have said : "not to wear black", surely that's clear enough? Why the uncertainty?

I would certainly not wear anything black at all, when the family had asked me not to.

Surely, you have a blue, green, fawn or grey skirt or pair of slacks in your wardrobe, which could be worn with a pale blouse or jumper?

I echo what a lot of others have suggested - black or navy but add a "pop" of colour with a scarf. Fuschia or electric blue spring to mind but you know which colours suit you.
That way, you wear what feels appropriate for you, but you honour the wishes of the family too.
The key thing for all events is to feel comfortable physically and mentally with what you are wearing.

I can recall going to a funeral of a family friend back in the 1960s when almost everyone wore black or dark colours. I wore a navy blue suit that I had bought for interviews with black shoes and bag. In those days women still covered their heads at funerals and my grandmother lent me a black lace scarf.

I would like one of those "pure cremations" where there is no actual service so that solves a lot of problems for everyone.