Feeling anxious about husband being misunderstood in the world now controlled by the wokeness police,!!

What other generarions did in the past does not dictate the rules for future ones

We agree! Of course younger generations always change things - we did in our time too and quite drastically.

But it didn't mean we lost kindness and understanding for older generations who failed to keep up with trends.

Thanks for your replies. Probably didn’t really explain myself very well . The wokeness is a part of my issue but obviously not the example I used regarding DH. He’s a very nice man and very friendly. Would always help anyone out and would be upset if he offended anyone. It’s interesting to see the different opinions and grateful for the imput

silverlining48

I have just remembered an expression used frequently on the 50s/60s ( London) love a duck . Think it was to do with surprise but not sure now. Does anyone remember that?
As for the OP yes we are in different times in terms of offence easily taken. Try not to worry but if someone appears offended have a quiet word.
I wish you both well.

Yes I remember 'love a duck'. I grew up in Lancashire and my grandma used it. She was born in Yorkshire but lived in London for a while so not sure where she got it from.
We have an American sales assistant locally who addresses women customers as ma'am. It makes me feel very important!

Well in my part of the North West lots of people use 'love, lovey, mate' etc - these terms are seen as people trying to be friendly, nothing more. And I love it! I would positive glow if someone called me darling or scrumptious.

Callistemon

No, it is not a moot point

What other generarions did in the past does not dictate the rules for future ones

Different generations with different mentalities need to coexist in this world - nobody is exempt

Chardy

I remember that my sister and I would try to stop my mother from using 'dated language', explaining that it was inappropriate and offensive. She never really understood, but did stop using those words to the best of our knowledge.
I tell my daughter that if I say things that are likely to offend, to tell me. It's a changing world and we oldies must try to keep up.

We've had this with my inlaws too. My FiL in particular is apt to use words which are most definitely offensive when referring to people from other countries. The nursing home where he and my MiL now live have a lot of staff from Nigeria in particular (can you see where I'm going with this?) - and we've had to explain to him in no uncertain terms that he cannot use these words, even though in his mind, he doesn't mean to cause any offence. He would hate to think he'd upset anyone, but he simply doesn't realise that times have changed and you can't use those words now.

MerylStreep

volver3

Respect goes both ways. Says Baggs, quite rightly. But

I would tell them exactly what they are 😡 and it wouldn’t be pleasant says MerylStreep.

I am really confused as to why someone else being "put out" about something causes such anger in grown adults...

You would never understand why people like me get angry on other peoples behalf.
It’s a form of bullying and that’s when my red mist comes down.
Not just my opinion, lots of articles on line referring to what I’ve stated above.

Ah, so its the "red mist" that you think is a good excuse that excludes you from civility towards people who don't like being patronised?

Well that's one excuse, I suppose. Not a very good one though.

I was accused of being woke yesterday. (Not by you.) I can't both be woke and unable to sympathise with other people.

Got any links to these illuminating articles?

Andrew Marr said in the New Statesman (I think it was in last week's) that being "woke" was what we used to call good manners.

It's a changing world and we oldies must try to keep up.

Moot point.
Did we expect this of our parents and grandparents?

I remember that my sister and I would try to stop my mother from using 'dated language', explaining that it was inappropriate and offensive. She never really understood, but did stop using those words to the best of our knowledge.
I tell my daughter that if I say things that are likely to offend, to tell me. It's a changing world and we oldies must try to keep up.

Hithere

Callistemon21

You truly do not know the challenges in my life right now - i would not want my worst enemy to go through them

Do not assume I have no experience in this matter

None of us on GN know the challenges others are facing unless they post about them.

I am sorry.
However, it can give those of us who have experience of caring for a loved one more reason to have empathy with others, I would think.

People may become disinhibited after a stroke or brain injury.

I wondered if, in America, people were addressed more formally and I'm assuming Sir and Ma-am are more widely used rather than Luv, Duck, Darling, my Lover.

I get called 'Darl' in Australia and haven't worked out if it's Doll with an accent or short for Darling.

volver3

^Respect goes both ways.^ Says Baggs, quite rightly. But

I would tell them exactly what they are 😡 and it wouldn’t be pleasant says MerylStreep.

I am really confused as to why someone else being "put out" about something causes such anger in grown adults...

You would never understand why people like me get angry on other peoples behalf.
It’s a form of bullying and that’s when my red mist comes down.
Not just my opinion, lots of articles on line referring to what I’ve stated above.

For me, it is not a matter of formality

In fact, the US can be very informal while keeping it politically correct - gender neutral, for example

It is respect - how to be addressed in a manner that has no indication of my gender
Another person cannot assume that how they treat others is correct - generally speaking

If the other person raises valid concerns and doesnt like it, he/she deserves to be heard and action corrected, not just assume certain conditions override others - again, generally speaking

When I visit other places, I take into account regional differences unless it is an obvious offense (violence, physical, verbal or sexual, for example)

Hithere. Maybe in the US you are more formal and not so accepting of less formal greetings, over here many people use luv or hun whether they know you or not in various parts of the country there are other similar informal greetings duck, hen, pet, sweetie If you’re in the south west you might hear ‘My lover’ Don’t be alarmed it’s not meant literally
‘Guys’ nowadays is used for men and women
There is the more formal ‘miss’ not used much nowadays

Men to men would probably be mate, bro or dude

I always thought US was less formal than UK bit obviously not

Interesting subject

I love it when people use pet names. Recently when I handed stuff into our local charity shop the man serving said thanks my lovely, it warmed my heart ♥️

Never let your DH feel bad about expressions of endearment 😊

I get addressed as "parent of (my kid's name)" if people do not know my name but they know me my child

Forgot - as for acceptable or not, not so much in my circle

I have personally heard it from Southerners - don't want to generalize, just expressing my experience

For guys, bro is used usually when some familiarity exists

I have heard dawg too

Foxy
I have heard honey, hun - rarely and not tied to any generation

Madam, sir, miss is a little but more common

I'm in Yorkshire and it's still not that uncommon to get the odd 'love' usually from older people and tbh that annoys me far less than being called 'hun' by someone at least half my age.But as long as they are pleasant and doing their job / trade well I can't get het up about it.There's enough negativity and hostility in the world to get offended by someone who is being friendly and cheerful.

Are you in the US Hithere ?
If not, ignore.

What about the use of “Honey” ?
Is that accepted/acceptable/still in common usage?

Thank you Boz

Callistemon21

You truly do not know the challenges in my life right now - i would not want my worst enemy to go through them

Do not assume I have no experience in this matter

There exist people who don't have much empathy in their make-up. I sometimes wonder if they are the people who take offence the most because they can't imagine possible mitigating circumstances when something bothers them enough to upset or anger them.

Foxygloves

Boz

Message withdrawn

It’s appalling but frankly irrelevant too.
This is NOT what OP is talking about and by introducing the memory of an abusive act you are adding a sexual connotation to a completely harmless form of address.
Not helpful.

You are quite right. I made an inappropriate mental leap from the opening post to an unsuitable anecdote. Apologies.

Hithere

Thr issue with empathy is that some medical conditions are invisible

Op has expressed people has called him out on his behaviour already so it is in fact a problem

"He’s a lovely gentleman and very friendly and I feel so sorry for him when people don’t react the way he expects."
This is an orange flag - i wonder how he expects people to react that does not match reality

i wonder how he expects people to react that does not match reality

🤔
Have you ever cared for a family member whose mental capacity is impaired for some reason?

Aren't you in the USA, Hithere?
Are people less tolerant over there of those less able than themselves?