Feeling anxious about husband being misunderstood in the world now controlled by the wokeness police,!!

Honest question: does your husband have any issues reading body language to sense when he is being inappropriate?

The world changes and we all need to adapt - nothing "woke" about it

The world changes and we all need to adapt

Even those who have had a stroke or may have dementia or other problems.

The world needs to have some more empathy.

Even those who have had a stroke or may have dementia or other problems ?

That was a question, not a statement, btw.

Your rights cannot infringe mine, empathy or not

Being called "darling" is very much a nono

OP

you are doing the right thing by readdressing his behaviour as needed - it is not unfair for him

Perhaps just a little word with the other person "my husband has had a stroke" when possible. It's very hard for you.

I don't think its related to woke-ness. Unfortunately people who have had strokes - or the beginnings of dementia - have always possibly come out with phrases that may not be appropriate, or said in a less than appropriate way, and of course its not obvious to the person on the receiving end they are a stroke sufferer.

Is DH aware of this sankev? Is it something you can talk about or all too painful for him to raise it with him (I mean as regards you saying something).

Callistemon21

^Even those who have had a stroke or may have dementia or other problems^ ?

That was a question, not a statement, btw.

But it needs the person at the receiving end to know this.

I don't understand how anyone could be offended by an elderly, frail gentleman calling someone darling.

Perhaps just a little word with the other person "my husband has had a stroke" when possible. It's very hard for you

Yes, most kind people would be understanding of some who has had a stroke, got dementia or not full mental capacity to know what might be considered inappropriate.

Unfortunately, there are always those who have no understanding of the problems some people have to live with and only think of their own right to take offence.

I hope a gentle word occasionally might help him to remember, sankev, but you might need to be ready to explain quietly.

I agree with anna7. The whole world seems to take offence at everything now.

Wyllow3

Perhaps just a little word with the other person "my husband has had a stroke" when possible. It's very hard for you.

I don't think its related to woke-ness. Unfortunately people who have had strokes - or the beginnings of dementia - have always possibly come out with phrases that may not be appropriate, or said in a less than appropriate way, and of course its not obvious to the person on the receiving end they are a stroke sufferer.

Is DH aware of this sankev? Is it something you can talk about or all too painful for him to raise it with him (I mean as regards you saying something).

I agree with Wyllow3. Nothing to do with woke -whatever that is. As a retired nurse I have been on the "other person" end of this and when you know the medical history of the person or can realise why they are saying something maybe inappropriate then it is easy to brush it off, go along with the conversation in a jokey fashion. If you are not aware of the situation then a brief acknowledgement to the person concerned is probably appropriate e.g. (sorry he has ..........) from yourself.

Hithere

Your rights cannot infringe mine, empathy or not

Being called "darling" is very much a nono

Maybe it's a no no to you. But it's possibly a yes yes to others. Or a really don't mind which is probably the majority.

So whose rights are to be respected?

Today, I shook hands with the mechanic who came to pick up my car, to take it to the garage. Nothing wrong with that I suppose, but I felt silly 😂

I was born with a name and i expect people to use it
Darling is a term of endearment, reserved for close relationships, not strangers

Would a man say darling to another guy?
No, it is reserved for women

As a person, i expect the same respect a person witn a penis has, not being called darllng based on my ovaries

Chauvinistic attitude at best

I can’t imagine being offended at darling. Imagine having so few real
Problems to worry about.

If it is like that there and so full of judgemental virtue signallers I would not want to visit again .

It's often a very local thing about what's appropriate. In my city the local men sometimes call each other "luv", and definitely to women.

Grams2five maybe with "Darling" its the way that it's said? ...the difference between very casual and on the other hand somewhat intimate.

The point is that it is a problem for the O/P as it keeps happening.

Hithere you are so blooming black and white
It’s about context if an elderly man call’s someone darling (because he always has) in passing it’s really not something to jump up and down about unless it is accompanied by something sleazy like an arm rub or hand hold…. It’s a word
Not a day goes by without a shop assistant of any age calling me hun can’t stand it but am I going to make a fuss no of course not it was meant nicely
wyllow but is it really a problem or is she worried about society deeming it a problem
Your husband isn't doing anything wrong, society has just left him behind in it’s need to take offence, if he’s the lovely gent you say he is and it’s something he’s always done and as you say others of his generation do, then I d not worry too much unless it gets worse sankev
There’s a lot in this world to worry about a ‘darling’ here and there from a nice elderly gent isn’t anything to get upset over

Hithere

Your rights cannot infringe mine, empathy or not

Being called "darling" is very much a nono

No it isn’t

Perhaps the world should lighten up a bit, and make allowances for people who may have some cognitive difficulties. It's called empathy... sadly lacking in a couple of posts here.

Cognitive issues or not, I still can’t see the problem with darling per se
It’s how it is intended, surely?
Any word can be used offensively if it’s intended, eg with the wrong emphasis, cadence, body language etc

I think this "woke" world will be to your benefit, really. When we were young there was no tolerance for people who behaved "differently"; we laughed at people who acted differently, we tutted at children having tantrums in supermarkets, etc. Now a lot more people understand that other people's behaviour can be due to many different causes that they can do nothing about.

If a young man called me darling, if think he was patronising. If an old man did, I'd probably not even notice.

You mention he does and says other things, so if you feel he has crossed a line with someone, tell them why he is that way and explain to him that he mustn't say things like that, they upset people. But don't worry about it!

Don't worry about the "wokeness", which is nothing to do with the situation.

I was born with a name and I expect people to use it

But people who don’t know you won’t know your name.

🤷‍♀️

I’m not offended if a till operator at Tesco calls me ‘love’, or if the chap at the garage addresses me as ‘darling’, so long as it’s just a greeting and not any unnecessary undertones.

So many people seem to look for offence in every single activity nowadays.

Anyway, it’s refreshing to see that the vast majority of us on this thread are being sensible and understanding